PS1A99    MLY,  Augustin 
D38N4      Needles  and  Pins 


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LIBRARY 

UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA 
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*A  *N  '•snsoJ^S   • 
MQNIH  IBIHdWVd 


NEEDLES  AND  PINS 


A  COMEDY  OF  THE  PRESENT, 


IN   FOUR  ACTS. 


(Frotn  the  German  of  Rosen.'] 


AUGUSTIN  DALY. 


AS  ACTED  AT  DALY'S  THEATRE  FOR  THE  FIRST  TIME, 
NOVEMBER  9TH,  1880. 


r 


NEW  YORK: 
PRINTED  AS  MANUSCRIPT  ONLY,  FOR  THE  AUTHOR. 

1884. 


NEEDLES  AND  PINS. 


A  COMEDY  OF  THE  PRESENT, 


IN  FOUR  ACTS. 


(Front,  the  German  of  Rosen.) 


BY 


AUGUSTIN  DALY. 


AS  ACTED  AT  DALY'S  THEATRE  FOR  THE  FIRST  TIME, 
NOVEMBER  OTH,  1880. 


NEW  YORK: 
PRINTED  AS  MANUSCRIPT  ONLY,  FOR  THE  AUTHOR. 

1884. 


PS  I 


COPYRIGHT,  1880,  BY  AUQUSTIN  DALY. 


DRAMATIS  PERSONS  AND  ORIGINAL  CAST. 


ME.  NICHOLAS  GEAGLE  (an  elderly  party  in  search  of  the 
antique  and  curious  in  art,  comes  across  a  bit  of  Nature's 
own  bric-a-brac,  and  learns  the  true  reading  of  an  Old 
Nursery  Riddle) MR.  JAMES  LEWIS 

ME.  CHRISTOPHER  VANDUSEN  (a  Retired  Merchant^ 
formerly  in  "  Corks,"  now  in  anything  but  Lavender,  who 
cherishes  a  youthful  memory  and  finds  he  has  been  nurs 
ing  a  poetic  serpent  with  an  unpoetic  sting), 

MR.  CHARLES  FISHER 

KIT  VANDUSEN   (The  dutiful  son  of  the  before-mentioned 
Christopher,  with  his  own  little  secret  romance  and  its 
corresponding  consequences) MR.  JOHN  BRAND 

TOM  VERSUS  (A  spry  young  Attorney  who,  not  unlike  some  of 
his  elder  brethren  of  the  bar,  makes  a  muddle  for  his  soli 
tary  client,  while  he  feathers  his  own  nest)  .  .  MR.  JOHN  DREW 

SERGEANT  MACDONALD,  of  the  99th  Precinct,  temporarily 

assigned  for  duty  at  the  Triton  Masquerade    .    .    .  MR.  ROBERTS 

JONAH,  the  superannuated  clerk  and  copyist  at  Versus'  MR.  E.  P.  WILKS 

BLOT,  waiter  at  the  Triton  Masque      MR.  BEEKMAN 

BOX,  the  porter MR.  LAWRENCE 

—ALSO— 

MRS.  VANDUSEN  (the  home  partner  of  the  retired  Cork  Mer 
chant — full  of  business  in  her  own  sphere — and  in  fact  an 
entire  paper  of  Needles  and  Pins  in  her  own  person), 

Miss  FANNY  MORANT 

MISS  DOSIE  HEFFRON   (a  giddy  young  thing  of (date 

missing),  who  proves  to  be  an  unexpected  heart  breaker 
and  an  unsuspected  syren  in  unexplored  spheres), 

MRS.  G.  H.  GILBERT 

SILENA  VANDUSEN  (her  niece,  a  thorn  in  her  aunt's  side, 

though  a  rosebud  in  everybody  else's  sight)   .  Miss  ADA  REHAN 

MISS  MARY  FORREST  (her  first  appearance  this  season.  A 
young  lady  recently  come  into  a  fortune;  with  highly 
romantic  ideas  as  to  its  disposal)  ....  Miss  MAY  FIELDING 

CAROLINE  (a  maid  servant  of  the  period,  and  a  solemn  warning 

to  all  future  Eras) Miss  MAGGIE  HAROLD 

HANNAH,  another Miss  LEVERE 

CHARACTERS  IN  THE  MASQUE  AND  NURSERY  COTILLON. 

Lahdedah Miss  Evesson.       Gypsy Miss  Shandley. 

Oaptainjenks    .    .    .  Miss  Kirkland.      The  Frog Mr.  Sterling. 

Fanchette Miss  McNeil.       Januario Mr.  Bennett. 

Gretchen   ....  Mit-s  Donaldson.  Tommydodd    ....  Miss  Vinton. 

Red  Riding  Hood    .    .  Miss  Flagg.  The  Royal  Middy    .    Miss  Weaver. 

Humpty  Dumpty  .    .    .  Mr.  Wilks.      Aladdin Miss  Trevalyan. 

Robinson  Crusoe  .    .  Mr.  Lawrence.  Little  Bopeep  .    .    .  Miss  Hinckley. 

Champagnecharly    -  Miss  Maxwell.  Mother  Goose    .    .    .    Miss  Brooks. 

The  Four  Dominoes  in  Black,  by  Puss  in  Boots  .    .  Mr.  Macdonough. 

Miss   Vaughan,    Miss    Williams,       Bluebeard Mr.  Hewitt. 

Miss  Howard,  Miss  Featherstone. 

Mephistopheles Mile.  Malvina 

(Under  whose  directions  the  dances  are  given.) 


4  SYNOPSIS   OF   SCENERY. 

FIRST  ACT. 

SCENE:  The  Home  of  the  Vandusens!  (By  Roberts.) — A  suburban 
house  to  which  the  retired  Cork-merchant  has  flown  for  a  Quiet  which  he 
does  not  find.  Twenty-five  years  of  the  Needles  and  Pins  of  Wedlock  do 
not  deter  two  or  three  more  couples  from  venturing.  Three  Silenas  make 
their  appearance  to  disturb  the  calm: — and  the  fate  of  the  Whisperer  is 
settled. 


SECOND  ACT. 

SCENE:  The  Law  Office  of  Mr.  Tom  Versus  in  this  City. — In  which  the 
romantic  young  million-heiress  engages  her  heart,  loses  her  head,  and  puts 
her  foot  in  it.  The  three  Silenas  turn  up  in  unexpected  force  to  the  con 
fusion  of  several  people.  A  Lesson  in  Dancing. 


THIRD  ACT. 

SCENE:  The  Hippodrome  Summer  Garden  decorated  for  the  "Triton" 
Masquerade.  (By  Mr.  James  Roberts.) — Needles  and  Pins  make  them 
selves  felt  in  more  bosoms  than  one :  and  a  Domino  Riddle  which  puzzles 
the  players,  places  one  of  them  at  the  mercy  of  the  police.  The  disastrous 
results  of  an  exchange  of  roses  and  of  a  sip  of  spiced  Jamaica.  One  of  the 
Silenas  is  unmasked  and  another  of  them  unmasks  herself,  while  the  Bric- 
a-Brac  hunter  is  bereft  of  his  prize.  Look  up  !  ! 

(Incidental  to  this  act  will  be  a  duet  by  Miss  Fielding  and  Mr.  Brand 
and  a  Chorus  and  Cotillon  of  Nursery  Rhymes  by  all  the  characters.) 


FOURTH  ACT. 

Returns  to  the  Vandusen  Mansion  and  develops  sundry  headaches  and 
heartaches,  after  the  dissipation  and  disappointments  of  the  previous  even 
ing.  A  Honeymoon  to  the  Ubjibbelooloo !  A  new  Chinese  Puzzle  is  put 
together,  and  the  final  Silena  is  quieted  at  last,  while  the  fable  comes  to  end  • 
with  a  novel  rendering  of  an  olo.  Khyme. 


ACT  I. 

SCENE  1. — Parlor  in  pleasant  country  house  near  New   York. 

Substantial  furniture.     Door  of  entrance  c.     Door  R.  to  Mrs. 

Vandusen's  room,  and  door  L.  to  Mr.   Vandusen's.     Mantel 

and  fire-place  R.  2  E.     Arm-chairs  and  sofa  L.      Window  L.  2 

E.     Small  table,  with  vase,  books,  etc. 
TIME. —  Winter.     Morning.     ( Winter  landscape.'}     Music. 

CAROLINE  enters,  L.  c.,  with  a  broom  and  a  bundle  of  newspapers. 
Puts  newspapers  on  table. 

Caroline.  Lor' !  how  is  it  one  can  be  up  all  night  dancing 
and  never  feel  a  bit  tired,  while  a  day's  work  does  fatigue  one  s6  ? 
What  a  goloptious  time  I  did  have  at  that  ball  last  night.  It 
was  the  most  genteel  ball  of  the  season,  it  was.  I  just  remember 
one  of 'em:  Him.  "I  don't  know  you  to  talk  to,  Miss,  but  I 
guess  you're  Caroline  Smith,  aren't  you  ?"  Me.  "  I  guess  I  am." 
Him.  "My  sister  knew  a  girl  named  Caroline.  May  I  dance 
the  next  raquette  with  you  ?"  Me.  "  I  guess  you  may."  Oh ! 
it  was  like  a  dream.  One,  two,  three  and  a  kick,  two  and  a 
kick,  etc.  [Dances  raquette  waltz  with  broom  for  partner  and  off  c.] 

SIL.ENA  VANDUSEN  enters,  L.  D.,  cautiously. 

Silena.  I  wonder  if  my  letter's  there  yet.  [Steals  to  table  and 
takes  a  letter  from  vase.~\  Yes,  ma  didn't  discover  it.  [Looks  at  it.~\ 
Its  from  Gussie  at  school.  She's  a  happy  girl.  No  mother  to 
find  fault  and  no  horrid  old  aunt  to  worry.  And  yet  ma  don't 
want  me  to  correspond  with  her !  Because  it  will  make  me  dis 
satisfied  !  So  she  hunts  for  letters  everywhere.  Last  night,  when 
I  was  in  bed,  she  came  in  to  change  my  pillow,  just  to  see  if.  I 
had  anything  hidden  under  it.  What  will  happen  when  I  do 
have  a  real  correspondence  which  she  mustn't  see.  For  she 
thinks  I'm  nothing  but  a  child,  and  keeps  me  four  hours  a  day 
at  the  piano,  and  aunt  says  I'm  a  mere  chit  and  ought  to  wear 
short  skirts.  It's  just  because  she's  an  old  maid  and  wants  to 
keep  young  herself.  Now  I  know  I  am  not  a  child.  I  am  a 
young  person  who  ought  by  rights  to  dress,  go  out,  shop,  make 
calls  and  receive  attentions.  [About  to  open  letter,  goes  to  L.  looks 
off.  Conceals  it  and  goes  to  poke  fire,  R.] 


6  NEEDLES   AND   PINS. 

MRS.  VANDUSEN  enters,  L.  D.,  in  morning  costume.    A  woman  of 
forty-Jive,  resolute  and  prompt. 

Mrs.  Vandusen.    What  are  you  doing  there ?     [To  Sil] 

Sil.  [Embarrassed,  and  rattling  the  poker  between  the  bars.] 
Fixing  the  fire,  ma. 

Mrs.  V.     Its  quite  warm  enough — look  at  the  thermometer. 

Sil.     [  Goes  to  wall,  R.  c.]     Why,  it's  only  seventy. 

Mrs.  V.  [Scrutinizing  her.']  Only  seventy!  That's  hardly 
high  enough  to  account  for  the  color  of  your  face.  Your  cheeks 
are  as  red  as  if  you  had  been  found  out  in  something  wrong. 

Sil.  Well,  ma,  if  only  a  pale  face  is  consistent  with  a 
clear  conscience,  that  accounts  for  Aunt  Dosie  powdering  so 
much.  She'd  be  turkey-red  if  she  didn't. 

Mrs.  V.  Children  shouldn't  observe  so  much,  especially 
what  their  elders  happen  to  be  doing.  Go  and  call  your  father. 
[Crosses  to  R.] 

Sil.     I  don't  believe  pa's  up  yet. 

Mrs.  V.  I  saw  him  in  the  garden  at  the  flowers.  Go  and 
do  as  I  tell  you.  [Haughtily.'] 

Sil.  [Affected  meekness.]  Yes,  ma,  I  will  go  and  bring 
him  to  your  feet.  [Exits,  laughing,  c.  R.] 

Mrs.  V.  That  girl  is  going  to  give  me  a  great  deal  01 
trouble.  [Turning]  She's  growing  too  fast,  and  begins  to 
understand  that  she's  no  longer  an  infant.  [Goes  about,  and 
looking  deliberately  at  and  into  everything]  If  I  could  only  get 
my  sister  off  my  hands  and  Kit  married  to  a  fortune,  I  could 
devote  myself  to  securing  a  good  partie  for  the  child. 

SILENA  enters,  c.  R.,  bringing  on  MR.  VANDUSEN,  who  enters  in 
morning  gown,  c.  R.,  with  watering-pot.  He  is  a  pleasant,  easy 
going  man  of  fifty-five. 

n  i 

Vandusen.    You  want  me,  my  dear  ? 

Mrs.  V.  [R.]  Yes.  Perhaps  you  are  not  aware  that  our 
new  girl  Caroline  went  to  a  ball,  or  a  party,  or  something  last 
night. 

Sil.     [Aside]    A  ball  or  a  party  I     Happy  creature ! 

Van.     [c]     1  hope  she  enjoyed  herself. 

Mrs.  V.  No  doubt  she  did,  as  it  was  five  in  the  morning 
when  she  came  home. 

Van.    Then  she  really  must  have  liked  it. 

Mrs.  V.  I  gave  her  permission  to  stay  out  till  twelve  at  the 
latest.  We  must  stop  this  sort  of  thing  at  the  commencement, 
or  she'll  be  spoiled  completely.  You  will  therefore  send  for  her 
and  give  her  a  good  talking  to. 


NEEDLES    AND    PINS.  7 

Van.     Who — I,  iny  dear? 

Mrs.  V.  Yes,  you.  I  don't  wish  to  be  always  scolding  the 
servants.  It  gets  one  the  reputation  of  a  fault-finder  atid  ter 
magant,  and  then  one  cannot  get  or  keep  a  decent  girl.  A  few 
words  from  a  man,  on  the  other  hand,  will  keep  the  creatures  in 
order  without  giving  the  house  a  bad  name. 

Van.  [Putting  ivatering-pot  off  R.  c.  door.]  But,  my  dear, 
I  don't  exactly  like  to. 

Mrs.  F.  Come !  Be  a  man  of  inflexible  determination  for 
a  few  minutes.  Silena,  go  and  call  Caroline.  [  Crosses  to  c.] 

Sil.  [Laughing,  and  aside,  going.~]  Papa  a  person  of 
inflexible  determination.  I  should  like  to  see  that.  [Aloud.] 
Yes,  ma.  [Exits,  c.  R.] 

Van.     I  believe  it  will  spoil  my  whole  day. 

Mrs.  V.  [L.]  I  have  laid  out  my  plans,  and  expect  your 
co-operation.  We  must  live  in  the  country  for  the  sake  of 
economy,  and  it  requires  peculiar  management  to  retain  good 
servants. 

Van.  Well,  if  you  and  I  are  to  change  places,  I  think 
we'd  better  go  back  to  the  city. 

Mrs.  V.     On  the  means  we  have  ? 

Van.  Oh,  business  is  sure  to  improve  now  the  election  is 
over. 

Mrs.  V.  At  all  events  we  secured  a  good  education  for  our 
children. 

Van.  My  dear,  you  talk  as  if  we  were  reduced  to  a  final 
crust. 

Mrs.  V.  It's  little  better.  All  my  money  gone  in  the  fall 
of  coal. 

Van.     What  a  pity  you  didn't  put  it  in  ice. 

Mrs.  V.     And  now  I'm  dependent. 

Van.     On  me  and  Kit.     That's  only  right. 

Mrs.  V.  Hush,  here  comes  the  girl.  Now  be  firm.  [Crosses 
to  R.] 

CAROLINE  appears,  c.  R.     SILENA  follows  her  and  comes  down  R. 

Caroline.     [L.  c.]     You  want  me,  ma'am? 

Mrs.  V.     Mr.  Vandusen  has  something  to  say  to  you. 

Otr.     [Frightened*]     Mr.  Vandusen,  ma'am? 

Van.  [After  sighing  deeply,  affects  a  stern  air,  looks  at 
Caroline,  advances  a  few  steps,  and  slaps  the  table  fiercely.]  Attend 
to  me.  [Folds  his  arms.] 

Car.     [To  Mrs.  F]     Oh,  ma'am  !  what  have  I  done? 

Mrs.  V.     [Crosses  to  c.,   and  siveetly.]     My  child,   you    had 


8  NEEDLES   AND    PINS. 

permission  to  stay  out  till  twelve  last  night.     You  exceeded  the 
time  by  five  hours. 

(Jar.     It  was  only  three  o'clock,  ma'am. 

Mrs.  V.     It  was  five.     Was  it  not,  Mr.  Vandusen? 

Van.     [  Thumping  table,  R.]     Five  o'clock ! 

Mrs.  V.  [To  Car-}  Mr.  Vandusen  is  dreadfully  angry.  I 
have  interceded  all  I  can,  and  if  you  promise  never  to  do  it 
again  he  will  forgive  you  in  the  end,  I'm  sure.  [  Going,  looks 
at  Van.,  coughs  to  brace  him  up,  and  exits,  R.  door.] 

Car.     Please,  sir,  it  shan't  happen  again. 
Van.     Silence!     [Pause.'}     Explain  yourself!     [She  attempts 
to  speak]     Not  a  word !     [Looks  over  his  shoulder  R.  to  assure 
himself  that  Mrs.  V.  has  gone — then  pleasantly."}     Did  you  have 
a  nice  time  ? 

Car.  Nice  time,  sir?  Oh,  at  the  ball,  sir?  Oh,  it  was 
splendid.  I  couldn't  get  away  sooner.  I  was  engaged  for  four 
quadrilles  yet,  aud  three  polkas  and  a  schottische — and  all  with 
the  best  dancers,  too — and  then  I  thought  as  you  were  all  in  bed, 
and  I  wasn't  wanted — 

Van.  [Reflectively.'}  That's  a  very  good  point.  In  fact  she 
was  not  wanted.  I  don't  believe  my  wife  gave  that  consider 
ation  due  weight. 

Car.    Yes,  sir ! 

Van.    So  you  enjoyed  yourself,  very  much  ? 

Car.    Oh !  very  much,  sir.     They  were  all  young  people,  sir. 

Van.     [Sighs.]    Yes ;  that  is  so. 

Car.  1  guess  the  best  way  to  avoid  any  trouble  in  the  future, 
sir,  is  not  to  expect  me  till  five  o'clock — when  I  go  to  a  ball. 

Van.  [Looks  at  her.~}  Yes,  I  guess  that's  the  best  way.  I 
don't  believe  my  wife  thought  of  that  simple  solution  of  the  dif 
ficulty.  You  may  go,  Caroline. 

Car.     Thank'ee,  sir ;  is  that  all,  sir  ? 

Van.  [Crossing  R.,  sits  on  so/a.]  Yes;  I  don't  think  of  any 
thing  else,  at  present. 

Car.  You  are  very  kind,  indeed,  sir.  I'll  always  come  to 
you  instead  of  to  missus,  when  I  want  anything.  [Exits,  c.  R.] 

Van.  I  don't  believe  my  wife  thought  of  that.  [Turns  and 
sees  SILENA  laughing.]  Oh !  you  were  there. 

Silena.  [R]  Yes,  I  heard  every  word.  [Slaps  table  in  imitation.'} 
Silence!  Go  on!  Not  a  word!  Explain  yourself!  [Laughs 
— advancing] 

Van.     [Dubiously]     Was  I  too  rough  with  her  ? 

Sil.  Too  rough?  I  wish  mamma  had  been  here;  it  would 
have  done  her  good.  [  Crosses  to  L.,  laughing] 

Van.  Well,  if  she  forces  me  into  the  housekeeping  depart 
ment,  I  shall  certainly  make  a  mess  of  it. 


NEEDLES   AND    PINS.  9 

MRS  VANDUSEN  enters  R.  door. 

Mrs.  Vandusen.  Is  she  gone ?  [To  Fan.]  The  next  time 
you  needn't  hammer  the  furniture  to  pieces.  It's  no  use  to 
overdo  a  thing.  You  have  probably  frightened  the  girl. 

Sil.     [Laughing.]     I'm  afraid  he  has  not. 

Mrs.  V.  [Crosses  to  c.]  Is  that  you,  my  child?  I  have  a 
word  or  two  to  say  to  you.  [VAN.  sits  and  takes  up  paper.~\ 

Sil.     [L.]     To  me,  ma?     Have  I  done  anything? 

Mrs.   V.     Your  aunt  has  complained  of  you  ? 

Ail.     Aunt  Dosie  ? 

Van.  [R.,  looking  up  from  his  paper]  You  are  a  continual 
source  of  irritation  to  your  aunt,  my  dear,  because  you  are  young 
and  she  is  not. 

Mrs.  V.  She  is  not  too  old  to  have  offers,  although  she  has 
remained  single  so  long. 

Sil.     I'm  sure  that's  not  her  fault. 

Mrs.  V.  I  see  an  opportunity  now  for  her  to  settle — before 
her  chance  is  altogether  gone. 

Sil.     Pa,  how  old  is  aunty? 

Van.  That  is  something  known  only  to  Heaven  and  your 
mother. 

Mrs.  V.  '  Your  aunt,  child,  is  about  thirty-five. 

Van.     [Heading.]     Reverse  the  figures. 

Mrs.  V.  [  To  Sil]  Before  you  came  from  school,  she  was  the 
young  lady  of  the  family.  fc 

Sil.     Why  didn't  you  leave  me  at  school  ? 

Mrs.  V.     Because  we  could  not  afford  the  expense  any  longer. 

Sil.  [Gravely.]  I  did  not  know  that.  [To  Van.]  What 
must  I  do  so  as  not  to  vex  aunty  ? 

Van.     [Reading.']     Grow  old  and  ugly. 

Mrs.  V.  Well,  show  yourself  as  little  as  possible  in  com 
pany  till  she  is  married. 

Van.     [Same]     Then  good-bye  to  company  forever. 

Mrs.  V.  Keep  your  very  bad  jokes  for  yourself.  [To  Sil] 
You  ought  to  keep  out  of  the  way  of  Mr.  Geagle,  especially. 
He  seems  to  take  a  great  interest  in  your  aunt.  I  think  she  can 
get  him. 

Van.     What,  old  Geagle  ?     Ha !  ha ! 

Mrs.  V.  [Confidentially  to  both]  I  have  observed  him 
closely.  He  loves  her. 

Van.  Nonsense.  He's  merely  a  bric-a-brac  hunter,  and  runs 
after  anything  old  and  curious. 

Mrs.  V.  For  shame,  Christopher !  [To  Sil]  Your  aunt  is 
a  little  displeased  at  his  whispering  to  you  in  corners. 


10  NEEDLES   AND   PINS. 

Sil.  Yes,  but  ma,  he  does  so  to  everybody.  Whenever  he 
comes  in  he  sidles  up,  puts  his  mouth  to  your  ear,  and  whispers 
"  Good  morning." 

Van.  The  same  with  me.  Took  me  outside,  last  Saturday, 
to  remark  confidentially  that  it  was  going  to  rain. 

Mrs.  V.  [To  Sil.']  Well,  try  to  keep  out  of  his  Way  until 
your  father  has  sounded  him  with  respect  to  his  intentions  re 
garding  Dosie.  [V AN.  jumps  up  horrified.'] 

SIL  Certainly,  ma.  You  may  assure  Aunt  Dosie  that  I  have 
no  designs  on  Mr.  Geagle. 

Van.  [Advancing.]  Did  I  understand  you  to  speak  about 
my  sounding  Geagle  as  to  his  intentions? 

Mrs.  V.     Insinuate  to  him  gently  that  he's  in  love. 

Van.     I  suppose  he  knows  his  own  business  best. 

Mrs.  V.     He'll  believe  whatever  you  tell  him. 

Van.  My  dear,  consider.  I  never  did  such  a  thing  in  my 
life. 

Mrs.  V.  It's  time  you  learned,  then.  [VAN.  about  to  speak.'] 
Now  don't  argue  the  point.  I  have  maturely  considered  it  and 
it  must  be  done.  [He  settles  back  to  his  paper.]  Silena,  I  wish 
you  would  call  your  brother. 

Sil.  Yes,  mamma.  [Going.]  She  is  full  of  business  this 
morning.  What  is  Kit  to  do,  I  wonder.  [Exits,  c.  R.] 

Van.  [R.,  rising  and  laying  aside  his  paper.]  You  must 
excuse  me,  this  time.  Leave  me  out  of  the  match-making 
business.  . 

Mrs.  V.    Now,  for  Dosie's  sake. 

Van.  Do  you  want  me  to  make  that  man  wretched  for 
life? 

Mrs.  V.     Dosie  hasn't  a  single  bad  trait. 

Van.  With  the  exception  of  being  a  flippant,  flirting,  fini 
cal,  foolish  woman.  If  she'd  been  sober  and  sensible,  she'd  have 
been  married  long  ago. 

Mrs.  V.     Time  has  softened  every  fault. 

Van.     I'll  swear  it  hag  removed  every  charm. 

Mrs.  V.  If  Mr.  Geagle  don't  see  it,  there's  no  harm  in  en 
couraging  his  attentions.  He  comes  up  every  week,  dawdles 
about  her,  makes  a  fool  of  himself,  and  her  too,  and  so  far  it  all 
amounts  to  nothing.  Besides,  I  must  get  her  out  of  the  way,  so 
I  can  attend  to  our  own  family. 

Van.  Our  own  family  will  get  along.  Kit  has  got  a  capital 
opening. 

Mrs.  V.  Twelve  hundred  a  year.  Just  enough  to  pay  for 
his  clothes  and  cigars.  We  must  find  a  good  match  for  him 
while  he's  young  and  impressionable. 


NEEDLES   AND   PINS.  11 

Van.  Now,  you  are  not  going  to  shove  that  poor  boy  into 
matrimony  by  the  neck  and  shoulders. 

Mrs.  V.  I  certainly  shall  not  let  him  miss  the  chance  of  a 
rich  wife. 

Van.     Suppose  he  won't  fall  in  love  with  her. 

Mrs.  V.  Nonsense !  everybody  falls  in  love  Avith  a  rich 
girl. 

Van.  I  differ.  All  the  money  in  the  world  will  not  buy 
an  honest  boy's  heart. 

Mrs.  V.  Don't  talk  that  way.  You  are  to  follow  my  in 
structions  Avithout  question.  These  are  matters  peculiarly  within 
the  province  of  a  woman. 

Van.     Exactly,  that's  why — 

Mrs.  V.  That's  why  you  are  to  obey  implicitly.  [He  drops 
in  chair  and  rubs  his  head.]  Dosie  mairried,  Kit  provided  for, 
Ave  shall  then  be  able  to  settle  Silena. 

Van.     You'll  settle  them  all,  I  expect. 

Mrs.  y.     Marriage  is  woman's  destiny. 

Van.  I  say,  if  you  get  rid  of  them  all,  you  and  I  will  be 
left  alone.  That'll  be  very  lonesome. 

Mrs.  V.     [Haughtily.]     Thank  you  for  the  compliment. 

SILENA  enters,  c.  R. 
Silena.     He's  coming.     [  Comes  L.] 

KIT  enters,  c.  R.,  young  man  of  twenty-three. 

Kit.     What  is  it,  mother  ? 

Van.  What  is  it,  my  son?  A  mere  trifle.  Your  mother 
wishes  to  prepare  you  for  immolation  on  the  altar  of  mammon 
or  matrimony,  Avhich,  in  this  case,  is  the  same  thing. 

Kit.     [R.  c.]     Matrimony  ?     I  ? 

Mrs.  V.  [Severely  to  Van]  Mr.  Vandusen!  [To  Sil.~\  Go 
to  your  room. 

Sil.     [Pettishly]     What  for  ? 

Mrs.  V.  [  Crosses  to  her]  Go  this  instant.  [Sits  down  to  sew. 
Sofa  L.] 

Sil.  [Going  up  L.]  But  I  like  to  hear  secrets.  [Goes  up, 
making  a  face  of  discontent,  which  suddenly  clears  off.  Aside.] 
I'll  go  to  papa's  room  and  read  my  letter.  [Exits  gaily,  L.  D.] 

Kit.  [Sitting  on  sofa,  L.]  Now,  mother.  Give  us  a  iew 
points  about  this  matrimonial  speculation. 

Van.  [Seriously]  Nonsense.  It  is  a  mere  Avhim  of  your 
mother's. 


12  NEEDLES   AND    PINS. 

Mn.  V.  Kit,  listen  to  me  attentively.  You  have  a  position 
with  a  moderate  income.  We  sent  you  to  college  and  to  a  foreign 
university  at  considerable  sacrifice.  We  have  led  you  to  the 
threshold  of  fortune.  You  must  enter  by  your  own  exertions. 

Kit.     [Surprised.]     At  considerable  sacrifice  ?     I  thought —   . 

Mrs.  V.     Don't  interrupt  me. 

Kit.     I  beg  pardon. 

Mrs.  V.  Your  father  is  not  in  a  position  to  support  you  and 
all  of  us  for  the  balance  of  his  life. 

Van.  [  Warmly.]  My  love,  I  can  sustain  him  until  he  works 
into  a  position  of  his  own.  He  is  under  no  necessity  of  selling 
him  sell '. 

Mrs.  V.  Your  generosity  goes  a  little  too  far,  my  dear. 
You  are  beginning  to  grow  old,  and  yet  you  have  given  up  many 
of  your  accustomed  luxuries.  Your  club — horses — wines — house 
in  the  city — and  much  more.  I  hardly  think  Kit  will  consent 
to  further  sacrifices  of  the  kind  for  his  sake. 

Kit.  [Rises  energetically]  Why,  mother — father — I'd  sooner 
.work  at  a  wheelbarrow — I'd  no  idea — 

Van.  [Rising,  takes  Kit's  hand]  My  dear  son,  this  is  a 
little  fiction  of  mamma's.  [To  Mrs.  V.]  You  are  a  very 
shrewd  woman.  You  know  the  boy's  weak  point — his  love  for 
us  both — and  you  would  use  me  as  a  weight  to  mould  him. 
[To .Kit]  Don't  be  concerned,  my  boy.  I  gave  up  luxuries 
that  were  really  hurtful  to  a  man  at  my  time  of  life — that's 
all— 

Kit.  [  Takes  his  hand]  Father,  the  thought  of  such  a  possi 
bility  would  drive  me  instantly  to  obey  mother  in  anything  she 
proposes,  even  if  it  were  repulsive  to  my  sense  of  honor  and 
independence. 

Van.  [  Crosses  to  Mrs.  V]  Do  you  hear  what  he  says  ? 
Your  plans  are  repulsive  to  his  sense  of  honor  and  independence. 
For  all  we  know,  he  may  be  in  love  already.  I  should  be  re 
joiced  to  hear  that  he  is.  [To  Kit]  Tell  me,  isn't  it  so  ?  You 
are  in  love. 

Kit.  [Laughing,  R.]  Not  exactly.  Although  I  may  say  I 
have  been  thinking  of  one  young  lady  a  great  deal. 

Vtfn.  [c.]  Who  is  she?  What  is  her  name?  Where 
does  she  live?  Is  she  good?  Does  she  love  you  in  return? 
But,  of  course  she  does.  Well,  she  must  wait  for  you.  And 
you  will  both  be  unspeakably  happy.  [MRS.  V.  makes  a  gesture 
of  despair] 

Kit.  [R.]  It's  impossible  for  me  to  answer  all  the  questions. 
I  saw  the  young  lady  a  year  ago,  at  Silena's  school — or  rather  in 
that  place — at  the  church.  She  played  the  organ  and  sang. 


NEEDLES   AND   PINS.  13 

We  looked  at  each  other — our  looks,  that  is,  I  can  assure  you — 
my  looks  spoke  what  I  could  not  utter  in  words. 

Van.  She  was  one  of  the  scholars  ?  [Rapturously  ]  A  sweet, 
innocent  school  girl  ? 

Kit.     [Hesitating^]     No — o — 

Van.     Oh,  a  visitor — a  sister  of  one  of  the  pupils  ? 

Kit.  No.  I  think  she  was  a  piano  teacher — taken  on  trial 
without  a  salary.  [MRS.  V.  makes  a  gesture  of  horror.] 

Van.  [Crosses  to  R.,  less  enthusiastic.]  Hem!  Hem!  Ah! 
— well,  Silena  knows  her,  of  course. 

Mrs.  V.  [Satirically  to  Van.]  Well,  what  do  you  think 
of  it  ?  Does  it  meet  your  approval  ? 

Van.     [  Crosses  to  c.,  stoutly.]     I  always  believe  in  first  love. 

Mrs.  V.  [Seriously.]  Perhaps  you  believe  a  person  must 
necessarily  be  unhappy  who  cannot  marry  his  first  love.  [  With 
meaning.]  Are  you  unhappy  ? 

Van.  [  Crosses  to  R.,  uneasy.]  I  ?  What  do — why  do  you 
ask  ?  What  have  I  to  do  with  it  ?  [Sitting  R.] 

Mrs.  V.  [  On  sofa,  L.]  Very  well,  you  can  assure  Kit  con 
fidently  that  time  will  heal  every  wound  of  that  character. 

Kit.  [Sitting,  L.  c.,  next  to  her.]  Well,  mother,  have  you  any 
particular  person  in  view  for  me  ? 

Mrs.  V.     All  in  good  time. 

Van.  [  Gruffly.']  You  had  better  insert  a  matrimonial  adver 
tisement,  or  look  up  a  matrimonial  bureau — 

Mrs.  V.  [Dryly.]  I  have  no  doubt  it  would  be  an  ex 
tremely  expeditious  way  of  arranging  it. 

Van.  [To  Kit,  solemnly.]  Then  look  out,  my  son,  for 
the  appearance  of  a  marriage  broker — a  connubial  agent — who 
will  introduce  you  to  a  customer  for  one  per  cent,  of  the  pur 
chase  money.  There's  no  telling  to  what  lengths  your  mother 
proposes  to  go. 

Mrs.  V.  [To Kit.]  It  will  be  time  enough  for  you  to  know 
what  I  propose,  when  I  understand  your  views  of  principle  in 
the  matter,  my  son. 

Kit.  Dispose  of  me  as  you  please,  mother.  [Rises,  kisses  her 
forehead.]  My  view  of  principle  in  the  matter  is — that  I  should 
no  longer  be  a  burden  here.  [Exits,  c.] 

Van.  [Walks  up  and  down  in  rage.]  A  burden!  My 
darling  son  a  burden  here!  [To  Mrs.  V.]  Your  cold,  calcu 
lating,  selfish  barter  and  sale  of  your  children  is  detestable — 
is  wicked — I  could — heaven  forgive  me — I  could  leave  you  at 
this  moment  and  forever. 

...Mrs.  V.     [Lays  aside  her  work.]     I  do  not  doubt  it,  for  you 
never  loved  me. 


14  NEEDLES   AND   PINS. 

Van.     [Astounded,  stops.~]     How  can  you  say  such  a  thing! 

Mrs.  V.  Your  mother  was  not  very  good  at  keeping  a 
secret.  [Rises.]  She  wished  me  to  look  upon  you  as  a  hero — 
and  so  she1  told  me  everything  before  she  died.  Everything. 
[With  meaning .] 

Van.     And  what  was  everything  ? 

Mrs.  V.  That  you  had  been  in  love  with  a  young  girl — a 
governess — by  the  name  of  Silena  Summers.  You  were  both 
young  and  poor,  but  full  of  hope — for  you  were  just  attaining  a 
position  in  life  as  your  son  is  now,  and  you  were  engaged  to  be 
married. 

Van.     [In  low  tone.']     Well.     [Sitting  near  fire,  K.] 

Mrs.  V.  Suddenly  your  father  died,  leaving  you  greatly 
embarrassed — leaving  your  mother  to  your  care.  You  made  a 
proposition  to  Silena  to  postpone  the  wedding,  but  she  insisted 
on  releasing  you  fully.  She  said  to  you,  "  We  dare  not  wait  till 
your  mother's  death  leaves  you  free,  for  as  your  love  for  me  grew 
stronger,  you  might  come  to  look  upon  that  sacred  life  as  a  bur 
den.  From  that  hour  my  love  for  you  would  die." 

Van.  [Looks  up.~]  Well,  was  this  girl  not  worthy  any 
man's  affection  ? 

Mrs.  V.  I  have  not  finished.  You  parted.  After  a  little 
while  you  met  me.  It  was  your  mother's  wish  that  you  should 
marry  me — and  you  did. 

Van.     [Quickly  J\    Because  I  loved  you. 

Mrs.  V.  Is  it  true  ?  Tell  me  then — why  did  you  call  your 
daughter  Silena,  if  you  desired  to  forget  Silena  Summers  ? 

Van.     [Rises.'}     Have  I  not  been  a  good  husband  ? 

Mrs.  V.  To  be  sure  you  have,  and  I  should  have  been  per- 
perfectjy  happy  if  your  mother  had  only  kept  her  secret  to  her 
self. 

Van.  [Embarrassed.']  But  you  don't  suppose  for  a  moment 
that  I  still  think  of  Sil — of  my  youthful  nonsense  ? 

Mrs.  V.  Memories  are  dangerous  things.  They  are  the  only 
ones  that  grow  more  beautiful  with  age. 

Van.  My  dear.  I  have  no  longer  any  eye  for  beauty. 
The  tooth  of  time— ah  !  [Sits  at  fire.] 

Mrs.  V.  Gnaws  away  our  defences  and  lets  in  the  enemy. 
But  don't  be  uneasy,  I'm  a  practical  woman,  and  know  I've  no 
cause  for  jealousy. 

Van.     Jealousy  at  our  age! 

Mrs.  V.  Where  there  is  love  there  is  always  jealousy.  Age 
has  nothing  to  do  with  it.  You,  I  dare  say,  are  not  jealous. 

Van.  Now,  my  dear,  do  you  want  me  to  make  you  a  declara 
tion  of  love  ? 


NEEDLES   AND   PINS.  15 

Mrs.  V.  Not  at  all.  I  only  wish  you  to  study  the  happi 
ness  of  yourself  and  your  children.  Do  you  really  believe  Kit 
will  be  unhappy  because  he  marries  a  wife  of  his  mother's  choice? 
Didn't  you?  And  are  you  unhappy? 

Van.  [Rising,  gallantly.']  Nonsense.  Why  should  I  be  un 
happy?  Just  the  reverse.  I  am  happy.  [Gives  her  hi*  hand.~] 

Mrs.  V.  Thank  you!  I  was  sure  you  would  be  sensible. 
[Exits,  R.  D.] 

Van.  [Looks  after  her]  She's  a  good  woman.  If  sha  didn't 
have  such  a  genius  for  managing  everybody.  [Thought/uHy.] 
So  she  knew  the  story  of  my  youth — and  never  spoke  of 
it  till  to-day — when  I  opposed  her  plans  about  Kit.  But  I've 
done  nothing  wrong,  perhaps.  Yet  the  recollection  of  Silena 
was  always  a  pleasant  memory.  A  shrine  to  which  I  fled  for 
repose,  after  a  connubial  storm.  Yes  it  was  right  to  expose  it, 
to  tear  away  the  veil,  to  shatter  the  idol,  to  close  the  shrine,  and 
I'm  glad  she  did  it.  But  I  would  like  to  get  in  a  devil  of  a  rage 
with  somebody.  [  Walks  up  and  down ;  sees  Silena  off  L.]  Silena  ! 
What  letter  is  that  you  are  concealing? 

Sil.     [Behind  scene,  L.  D.]     What  letter,  papa  ? 

Van.     Come  out  here. 

SILENA  enters,  L.,  embarrassed. 

Silena.     Here  I  am,  papa. 

Van.  I  saw  quite  plainly,  that  you  put  a  letter  in  vour 
pocket. 

Sil.  [Takes  out  letter.]  I  wouldn't  have  hidden  it  from  you. 
I  was  only  afraid  of  mamma.  It's  only  from  Gussie  Archer  at 
school — and  it  makes  the  tears  come  into  my  eyes  to  read  it. 

Van.     Indeed,  what  does  she  say? 

Sil.     Sit  down  and  I'll  read  it  to  you.     [Sits  at  his  side,  he  c.] 

Van.     Yes,  read  it,  it  will  divert  my  thoughts. 

Sil.  [Heads.]  "Dear  Silena: — You  remember  our  pitui  > 
teacher,  Miss  Forrest,  whom  everybody  liked  so  much?  She  h;is 
inherited  an  immense  fortune  from  a  very  distant  relative — half 
a  million  they  say.  She  gave  a  dinner  before  she  left  to  all  the 
teachers  and  to  six  of  the  biggest  girls.  It  was  delicious.  She 
is  very  romantic  and  is  going  to  do  ever  so  much  good  with  her 
money;  to  help  the  struggling  and  to  unite  those  who  are  victims 
of  disappointed  hopes.  She  spoke  particularly  of  a  pair  of  young 
lovers  she  had  heard  of — a  real  true  story.  It  seems  there  was  a 
lovely  young  girl  of  eighteen  named  Silena— just  like  you — and 
who  taught  music.  She  was  beloved  by  a  splendid  young  fellow 
named  Christopher,  just  making  his  way  in  the  world.  While 


16  NEEDLES  AND  PINS. 

they  were  anticipating  with  the  deepest  happiness  the  day  of 
their  marriage,  his  father  died  and  left  him  and  his  mother  in 
the  deepest  poverty."  [Feeling  a  tear  drop  on  her  hand  she  looks 
up  and  sees  him  weeping,  his  head  resting  on  his  hand,  which  is 
pressed  to  his  eyes;  he  had  listened  attentively  at  first,  then  becomes 
deeply  moved.]  Papa,  what  is  the  matter,  are  you  ill?  [Puts 
letter  on  desk  behind  her.] 

Van.     [Pressing  her  head  to  his  breast.]     My  dear  child. 

Sil.     Shall  I  call  mamma? 

Van.  [Holding  her  to  him.]  No !  don't  call  anybody.  I 
am  perfectly  well.  There !  it's  all  right.  [Kisses  her,  puts  her 
of  his  knee,  rises.]  I'll  take  a  walk  in  the  garden,  that  will  do 
me  good.  [Exits,  c.  R.,  after  kissing  her  forehead.] 

Sil.  [L.]  What  is  the  matter  with  papa?  I  never  saw  him 
that  way.  I  hadn't  got  to  the  sentimental  part  of  the  story,  and 
yet  it  was  too  much  for  him.  [c.] 

CAROLINE  enters,  c.  L.,  with  card. 

Caroline.  This  gentleman  wants  to  see  a  member  of  the 
family,  Miss. 

Sil.  [Takes  cards,  reads.]  "Thomas  Versus,  Attorney  and 
Counsellor-at-Law."  Whom  does  he  wish  to  see  ? 

Car.  Guess  anybody  '11  do,  Miss ;  he  said  he  wasn't  partic 
ular  so  long  as  they  was  composentus  and  could  testify  ineligibly. 

$tt.     [Puts  card  and  letter  on  table]     Ask  him  in,  Caroline. 

Car.     Yes,  Miss.     [Exits,  c.] 

Sil.  I  don't  believe  papa  wants  to  see  anybody  and  mamma's 
up  stairs.  I  wonder  if  he's  a  country  lawyer.  [Looks  off  c.  and 
returns]  Oh,  no;  he's  city.  [Stage  L.] 

TOM  VERSUS   enters,  c.  L.,  hat  in  hand,  is  young,  lively,  well- 
dressed  young  fellow. 

Tom  Versus.  [R.]     Good  morning — Miss — Miss — 

Sif.     [Looks  at  him  intently.]     What  do  you  wish  ? 

Tom.  [R.,  aside]  By  Jove!  She's  handsome.  [Aloud]  I 
should  like  to  know  if  a  Mr.  Kit  Vandusen  lives  here.  Miss — 
Miss — 

Sil.     Kit?  that's  my  brother. 

Tom.  Your  brother?  [Aside]  I  didn't  know  he  had  a 
sister,  and  yet  I  thought  I  knew  all  about  him.  [Aloud]  But 
'twas  ever  thus.  We  imagine  we  are  thoroughly  posted  about  a 
man  and  yet  his  greatest  recommendation  [6ows]  remains  un 
known. 


NEEDLES   AND    PINS.  17 

Sil.     [L.,  curtseys.]     Oh,  thank  you. 

Tom.     For  what  ? 

&7.  [Disconcerted.]  I  thought  you  were  paying  me  a  com 
pliment. 

Tom.  My  dear  Miss  Vandusen,  if  your  perfections  were 
targets  and  my  praises  were  arrows,  they  would  fall  far  short  of 
the  mark. 

Sil.  Oh,  thank  you.  Don't  do  it  any  more,  please.  That 
one  hit.  [Crosses  to  R.]  I  am  quite  unaccustomed  to  such 
flattery. 

Tom.  [L.]  Indeed.  Then  they  must  keep  you  away  from 
the  gaze  of  impressionable  man. 

Sil.  Well,  I'm  not  secluded  exactly;  but  I  have  to  keep  out 
of  the  way,  'till  my  aunt  gets  married. 

Tom.     [Smiles]     How  old  is  your  aunt? 

Sil.     Well,  both  of  us  together  are  fifty. 

Tom.  I  see.  Aunt  old  ; — disappointed,  lean,  lank,  sour  and 
savage.  You,  young,  fresh,  beautiful,  beloved  by  everybody. 
Tyrannical  persecution.  Immured  from  the  world,  but  not  for 
ever.  Look  up ;  hope.  He  will  come.  Radiant  with  love  and 
hope.  His  bright  eye  flashing,  his  dark  hair  flowing.  [Running 
hand  through  his  hair.]  His  hair  will  be  dark.  Chestnut  brown. 

Sil.  [Laughing]  Allow  me  to  call  my  brother  and  tell  him 
you  are  here.  [Exits,  c.  R.] 

Tom  [Looks  after  her]  She's  charming.  Now  that  I  begin 
to  find  Mr.  Kit  Vandusen  the  possessor  of  such  a  sister,  I 
begin  to  take  renewed  interest  in  my  mission.  Let  us  prepare 
for  the  interview.  My  notes  [Takes  out  note-book  and  opens  it] 
are  full  and  explicit.  I  am  first  to  touch  lightly  on  the  history 
of  the  heroic  music  teacher  and  the  exemplary  son.  Then  un 
fold  the  purpose  of  a  mysterious  benefactor — my  friend  and 
client,  Miss  Mary  Forrest,  who  has  heard  their  story  and  intends 
to  make  them  happy.  The  lover  shall  not  despair,  the  maiden 
shall  not  pine,  the  mother  shall  not  die.  A  competence  will  be 
settled  upon  them — conditioned  upon  their  immediate  marriage. 
All  complete.  [Shuts  book  and  ruminates]  I  have  found  the 
exemplary  son,  the  despairing  lover,  Mr.  Kit  Vandusen.  I  am 
to  send  him  to  Miss  Mary  Forrest.  She  will  do  the  rest;  reunite 
him  to  the  music  teacher,  who  has  pined  so  long.  I  should  do 
very  little  credit  to  my  own  penetration  if  I  doubted  for  one 
moment  it  was  Mary  herself.  She  was  a  teacher  of  the  piano 
forte,  which  is  the  same  as  music,  if  you  know  how  to  play. 
Happy  Kit.  He  will  get  half  a  million  and  his  long-lost  love. 


18  NEEDLES    AND    PINS. 

SILENA  re-enters,  c.  R. 

Silena.  My  brother  will  be  here  immediately.  Please  take  a 
seat.  [Points  to  sofa,  c.] 

Tom.  [c.]  Will  you?  [She  sits  L.,  then  he  does  c.]  I  hope 
you  told  him  there  was  no  hurry.  An  hour  or  two  makes  no 
difference,  if  you  can  stay.  [Rises  and  bows.~] 

Sil.  [L.,  rises  and  bows.']  Oh,  thank  you.  Kit  can't  imagine 
what  you  want  with  him. 

Tom.  I  bring  him  some  very  agreeable  and  unlooked  for 
intelligence. 

Sil.     Oh !  is  it  a  great  secret  ? 

Tom.     It  is. 

Sil.     Oh!  are  you  a  government  official,  or  something? 

Tom.     No,  I'm  only  a  lawyer. 

Sil.     Oh !     Do  you  dance  ? 

Tom.  Dance?  It's  not  exacted  by  the  rules  of  the  Supreme 
Court  as  a  qualification  for  the  bar,  but  individually  I  do 
dance,  and  personally  I  like  to. 

Sil'.  [Sitting  on  sofa,  moves  nearer  to  him.']  I'm  so  glad.  I 
love  dancing  so  much,  and  young  dancing  men  are  so  scarce 
now-a-days. 

Tom.  Do  you  go  to  balls?  Are  you  going  to  the  Triton 
Masquerade,  next  week  ?  They  give  it  at  the  Hippodrome  this 
year,  you  know. 

Sil.  Oh,  I  should  love  a  masquerade.  But  'till  aunt's  en 
gaged  I  have  to  stay  at  home. 

Tom.  That's  a  poor  prospect,  to  wait  for  the  engagement  of  a 
maiden  aunt  of  fifty. 

Sil.     [  Quickly. ~\     You  forget  that  I  am  counted  in  the  fifty. 

Tom.     [Rises  and  bowsJ]     I  could  not  forget  you. 

Sil.  Thank  you.  [Rises.']  But  here's  my  brother.  I  must 
go.  [Seriously  and  bowing. J  I  have  been  very  much  enter 
tained. 

Tom.     The  pleasure  on  my  side  has  been  ten-fold. 

Sil.  Oh,  thank  you.  [Going,  aside.']  He's  just  splendid. 
[Exits,  R.  D.] 

Tom.  What  an  ingenuous  little  thing;  says:  "Thank  you" 
for  every  compliment. 

KIT  enters,  c.  R. 

Kit.     [L.]     You  wish  to  see  me? 

Tom.  [R.,  aside.']  Fine-looking  fellow.  Mary  has  taste. 
[Ah ud.~\  I  come  on  a  delicate  errand — very  delicate.  Affairs 


NEEDLES   AND    PINS.  19 

of  the  heart,  the  domain  of  the  affections,  the  uniting  of  kindred 
souls,  are  a  little  out  of  the  common,  as  professional  employment, 
but  it's  got  to  be  done  and  I'm  here  to  do  it. 

Kit.     [  Crosses  to  R.,  looks  at  him,  aside.]     It  can't  be  possible. ' 
Has  mother  actually  set  a  matrimonial  agent  at  work?  [To  Tom.] 
It's  too  absurd.     My  dear  sir,  my  mother — 

Tom.  Don't  say  a  word,  sir !  Not  necessary — it's  all  right. 
Your  devotion  to  your  mother,  your  unselfish  sacrifice — I  know 
all.  I  sympathize  with  you  deeply. 

Kit.  [Looks  at  him.']  Do  you?  [Turns  and  aside.]  It's 
astounding — 

Tom.  [Sits  c]  But  to  the  point.  I  represent  a  young  lady 
who  has  just  come  into  a  large  fortune,  which  enables  her  to  give 
full  sway  to  the  dictates  of  an  emotional  nature. 

Kit.  [Sits  R.  of  so/a.]  Well,  sir — you  represent  this  young 
lady? 

Tom.  Who  requests  the  pleasure  of  a  visit  from  you  this 
afternoon  at  four  o'clock. 

Kit.     And  the  address. 

Tom.  [  Giving  card]  She  is  stopping  at  present  at  my  house 
with  my  mother,  being  herself  an  orphan. 

Kit.     An  orphan. 

Tom.  Yes — the  young  lady — and  a  friend  of  our  family  from 
infancy.  I  am  not  permitted  at  present,  for  obvious  reasons,  to 
disclose  her  name.  You  will  discover  it  from  her  own  lips. 

Kit.  [After  considering  card]  I'm  a  little  green  in  these 
matters.  Am  I  required  to  say  anything  in  particular  when  I 
see  her,  or  wait  for  her  to  begin  the  conversation  ? 

Tom.  If  you've  got  anything  to  say,  I  suppose  you'll  say  it. 
I  always  do.  [Crosses  to  R.] 

Kit.  [Rises]  Well,  I'll  come.  And  take  the  greatest  pains 
to  act  the  amiable,  and  secure  you  your  commission.  Good  morn 
ing  !  [  Going  up  c.]  It's  wonderful.  [Exits,  c.  R.] 

Tom.     [  Watches  him  off,  turns]     I  like  the  sister  better. 

MRS.  VANDUSEN  enters,  R.  D. 

Mrs.  Vandusen.  Caroline  said  a  person  had  called.  [Sees 
Tom]  Ah!  You  wish — 

Tom.  [L.]  My  mission  is  ended,  my  dear  madam.  I  have 
spoken  to  Mr.  Vandusen. 

Mrs.  V.     I  am  Mrs.  Vandusen. 

Tom.  [In  admiration]  The  mother!  [Advances  with  out 
stretched  hands,  takes  hers]  Madam  !  I  am  most  happy  to  make 
your  acquaintance. 


20  NEEDLES   AND   PINS. 

Mrs.  V.     [Trying  to  free  her  hands.'}     What  do  you  say,  sir  ? 

Tom.  [Releasing  her,  folding  his  arms,  exhorting  her.}  Co'ur- 
age,  poor  mother.  Courage,  noble  creature!  [MRS.  V.  comes 
down,  looking  at  him.}  It's  a  long  lane  that  has  no  turning ;  even 
misfortune  must  have  an  end. 

Mrs.  V.     My  dear  sir — 

Tom.  You  have  suffered.  You  have  lost  your  husband.  You 
will  never  get  another. 

Mrs.  V.    Sir! 

Tom.  I  mean  you  will  never  want  another.  But  you  have  a 
son — an  heroic  son,  and  a  lovely  daughter.  [Catches  her  Jiands.} 
Cherish  that  daughter.  She  was  the  first  to  receive  the  dove 
bearing  the  olive  branch  in  its  beak.  I  was  the  dove,  the  olive 
branch  is  peace.  Peace  after  all  your  sufferings.  [Hurriedly.} 
I  represent  a  wealthy  heiress — Miss  Mary  Forrest.  Now  you 
can  guess  all.  Courage,  poor  mother,  courage !  [Shakes  her 
hands,  and  at  door.}  Courage !  [Exits,  c.} 

Mrs.  V.  The  man  must  be  crazy.  Miss  Mary  Forrest?  I 
never  even  heard  the  name  before,  and  he  referred  to  my  hus 
band.  I'll  just  call  Christopher  and  ask  him  what  it's  all  about. 
[Takes  hilena's  letter  from  table.}  What's  this?  a  letter  to  my 
daughter.  Is  it  possible  that  innocent  child  corresponds  behind 
my  back  ?  [Huns  over  it.}  Piano  teacher — Mary  Forrest — the 
very  name.  [Heads  further.}  Why,  here  is  my  husband's  own 
story  related  in  this  boarding  school.  Let  me  see  about  this. 
[Reads.}  "  Miss  Forrest  heard  all  the  particulars  from  one  of 
the  chief  actors  in  the  drama,  Silena  Summers  herself.  She  now 
declares  it  her  resolution  to  bring  the  unhappy  couple  together. 
I  have  money,  she  says,  it  shall  be  the  means  of  uniting  those 
noble  hearts.  I  will  search  for  the  devoted  lover  and  son.  I 
.will — "  [Drops  the  letter.}  Everything  is  turning  round  in  my 
head.  This  person  going  to  find  my  husband  and  unite  him  to 
Silena  Summers!  Where  is  this  wealthy  lunatic?  She  must 
have  sent  the  other  insane  person  who  was  here  just  now.  And 
he  has  seen  Vandusen  and  spoken  to  him.  Good  heavens!  His 
mysterious  language,  "  You  have  lost  your  husband."  Can  it  be 
possible  they  were  secretly  married?  Oh,  pshaw!  [Sits  and  holds 
her  head.}  It's  nonsense !  there's  some  mistake,  of  course.  But 
whatever  it  is,  there's  a  mystery  I  must  solve.  [Puts  letter  in  her 
pocket  and  rises.} 

SILENA  running  in,  c.  L. 

Silena.     He's  coming ! 

Mrs.  V.     [Starting.}     Who's  coming? 


NEEDLES   AND   PINS.  21 

Sil.     [Mysteriously.]     Mr.  Geagle ! 

Mrs.  V.  I  can't  see  him.  You  stay  here  till  I  send  your 
aunt  down. 

Sil.     But  suppose  he  commences  to  whisper? 

Mrs.  V.  Don't  hear  anything  he  says.  [Sternly.']  You  and 
I,  Miss,  have  a  little  account  to  settle  afterward. 

Sil.  [Aside,  and  frightened,  feeling  in  pocket]  I  left  my 
letter  on  the  desk. 

Mrs.  V.     Deceitful  girl ! 

Sil.  [Crying."]  Don't  say  that,  mamma.  Upon  my  honor, 
I  would  not  conceal  from  you  anything  important. 

Mrs.  V.  [In  tremulous  tones,  draining  her  toward  her.]  You 
ought  to  be  a  comfort  to  me.  [About  to  push  her  away,  recalls 
the  purpose  and  kisses  her.]  Be  a  good,  dear,  little  child  !  [Exits, 
R.  D.,  hurriedly,  handkerchief  to  eyes] 

Sil.  [Surprised]  Mamma  kissed  me,  like  papa  did.  What 
is  the  matter  with  my  parents  to-day.  I  know  they're  out  of 
humor  on  aunt's  account.  Why  don't  Mr.  Geagle  say  what  he 
wants — whether  he  wants  to  marry  her  or  not.  Suppose  I  ask 
him.  I've  a  great  mind  to.  He'd  have  to  give  me  an  answer 
one  way  or  the  other.  [Determined]  I'll  do  it.  I'll  secure  a 
husband  for  aunty,  liberty  for  myself  and  a  waltz  with  the 
dancing  lawyer.  [  Gets  L.] 

GEAGLE  enters,  c.  L.,  a  man  about  50,  neatly  dressed,  quite  bald, 
save  a  narrow  fringe  of  hair  around  the  sides  of  his  head. 
Extremely  smiling  and  confidential  in  hi$  address.  Looks  at 
Silena,  smiles,  lays  his  hat  on  chair,  R.,  looks  again  and  smiles. 
Unbuttons  a  long  ulster,  takes  it  off,  folds  it.  Looks  for  a 
chair  to  put  it  on,  L.  Looks  at  her,  smiles  again,  deposits  coat 
R.,  then  comes  down,  hat  in  hand,  softly.  Keeps  hat  behind 
him. 

Geagle.  [  Whispers  in  her  ear,  R.]  Good  morning !  [Nods, 
winks  and  smiles] 

Sil.  [  Takes  his  hand,  leads  him  to  L.  corner,  and  in  his  ear] 
How  do  you  find  yourself  to-day  ? 

Geagle.  [Looks  at  her  beamingly]  Pretty  well,  but  I  don't 
sleep. 

Sil.     [Leads  him  to  R.  corner,  and  as  before]     Why? 

Geagle.     [Tapping  his  head]     Buzzing  in  my  head. 

Sil.     Lor'!  what  is  it? 

Geagle.  I  don't  know.  Perhaps  it's  because  I  have  of  late 
taken  to  deep  philosophical  inquiries.  I  discuss  with  myself: 
Who  are  you?  Why  are  you  here?  What  for  ?  Why  do  you 
exist  ? 


22  NEEDLES   AND    PINS. 

Sil.     Well,  what  do  you  make  of  it  ? 

Geagle.  [Looking  around.']  Nothing — really  nothing.  Of 
course,  I  didn't  come  on  the  planet  to  collect  curiosities.  That 
affords  employment  for  about  one-eighth  of  one  per  cent,  of  my 
intellectual  and  physical  faculties.  Then  what  is  the  rest  of  me 
for  ?  In  the  evening  {mysteriously},  when  it  grows  dark  and  I'm 
all  alone,  and  everybody  is  sitting  at  home  with  wives  and  chil 
dren,  I  become  depressed.  I  feel  a  want — a  void — a  vacuum — 

Sil.     [Same,  to  R.]     You  want  a  wife. 

Geagle.  My  dear,  it  is  only  a  short  time  since  I  have  been 
able  to  accumulate  capital  enough  to  support  a  wife. 

Sil.     [L.]     Then  why  don't  you  marry  now  ? 

Geagle.  I  would,  but  I've  been  having  a  race  with  Time.  I've 
been  piling  up  dollars  and  he's  been  piling  up  years. 

Sil.  That's  nothing.  All  you  have  to  do  is  to  look  out  for 
some  one  who  is  not  too  young.  Haven't  you  had  your  eye  on 
somebody  already  ? 

Geagle.  [Seizing  her  hand.']  I  wouldn't  breathe  it  for  the 
world. 

Sil.     But  I've  seen  and  I  know. 

Geagle.     [Same.}     I  hope  no  one  else  noticed  it. 

Sil.     No !     No  one  but  I. 

Geagle.  [Stage  R.  and  back.}  How  clever  the  children  are 
now-a-days. 

Sil.     So  you  do  love  Aunt  Dosie  ?     Eh  ? 

Geagle.  I  don't  know  if  it's  love,  not  having  had  any  ex 
perience. 

Sil.     Aunt  Dosie  is  a  mighty  fine-looking  woman. 

Geagle.  Is  she?  [Crosses  to  L.]  -I'm  so  near-sighted.  At 
all  events,  she'd  suit  me  better  than  a  young  girl.  But  I'm 
afraid  of  being  refused.  [Close  to  her.} 

Sil.     [R.]     Why  should  she  refuse  you  ? 

Geagle.  [Looking  around  cautiously.}  Because — I  wear  a 
wig! 

Sil.  [Regarding  his  bald  head.}  You  wear  a  wig  ?  [Astonished, 
walks  round  him.} 

Geagle.  I  don't  wonder  you  look  astonished.  It's  made  to 
imitate  nature  so  perfectly  that  no  one  would  suspect  with  the 
naked  eye. 

Sil.  [Getting  R.  of  him.}  You  amaze  me.  Do  sit  down. 
[Takes  his  hat  to  put  on. the  table,  looks  in  it  and  draws  the  wig  out 
of  it,  aside.}  He  pulled  it  off  with  his  hat.  [Replaces  it  and  lays 
hat  on  table,  then  sits  beside  him.}  But  why  should  your  wig 
interfere  with  your  success  ? 

Geagle.     [R.]     Because  it's  a  deception  she  doesn't  dream  of. 


NEEDLES   AND    PINS.  23 

How  could  I  tell  her,  and  yet  there  should  be  no  secrets  between 
man  and  wife. 

Sil.  Then  you'd  marry  her  if  she'd  have  you?  [He  hesi 
tates.  Firmly!]  Yes  or  no  ? 

Geagl'e.  [Determinedly. ,]  Yes!  [Rising,  goes  L.]  Well, 
what  these  children  don't  know  now-a-days! 

Sil.     [  Calls,  L.  D.]     Aunt  Dosie ! 

Geagle.  [Aside,  R.]  I'm  frightfully  nervous.  [Feels  pulse] 
I  can't  feel  any  pulse.  And  I've  got  a  hot  flush  with  a  chill.  L 
ought  to  have  taken  a  pill  before  coming  out,  but  I  couldn't 
foresee  the  crisis  coming  so  suddenly.  If  she  says  yes,  I  wonder 
if  I  must  hug  her  or  kiss  her.  I  never  did.  I  never  could.  I'll 
do  it  wrong.  But  she  isn't  a  widow.  She  can't  make  any 
odious  comparisons. 

Sil.  [At  door,  L.]  Here  she  is.  [Clasps  her  hands.]  She 
looks  beautiful. 

Geagle.  [R.]  Now  for  it.  [Blows  his  nose  and  tries  to  get  up 
an  attitude.] 

DOSIE  enters,  L.  D.  A  maiden  lady  of  fifty.  Mitch  over 
dressed  and  too  youthfully  painted.  Hair  in  long  braids  with 
ribbons,  but  not  too  much  of  a  caricature;  quick,  active  and 

effusive. 

Dosie.  [To  Silena,  as  she  runs  in.~\  Did  you  call  me,  darling? 
[Stops,  bashfully,  on  seeing  Geagle,  then,  placing  her  arm  arowid 
Silena,  a-la  school-girl,  comes  down  with  her.]  How  do  you  do, 
Mr.  Geagle?  [Giggles  with  SILENA,  hides  htr  blushes  in  the 
latter' s  shoulders ] 

Geagle.  [Gasping  for  breath]  Gug— gug — good  morning. 
[Aside]  How  dry  my  larynx  is. 

Sil.  Aunt,  dear,  Mr.  Geagle  has  something  important  to 
say  to  you. 

Dosie.  Me,  darling?  It's  some  little  foolish,  foolish  thing, 
only  fit  for  giddy  girls.  [Smiles  sweetly  at  Geagle] 

Sil.  You'll  be  giddy  in  a  minute.  Just  sit  down  here. 
[Places  her  in  chair,  C.  Crosses  to  R.] 

Dosie.  •  What  does  the  child  mean? 

Sil.  [To  Geagle,  whom  she  takes  by  the  hand  and  seals 
beside  Dosie  in  another  chair]  And  you  sit  just  there. 

Geagle.     [Aside  to  Silena]     Don't  go  away. 

Sil.     [Stands  off  to  view  them;  to   Geagle]     Speak    up,    like 
a  man. 
.  Dosie.     What  is  all  this  preparation  for? 

Geagle.  My  dear  Miss  Heffroii — Theodi  sia,  I  believe  we  have 
both  arrived  at  an  age — 


24  NEEDLES    AND    PINS. 

Dosie.     At  a  what  ? 

Geagle.  At  a — period — a  period  when  we  ought  to  think  of 
— of — you  know. 

Dosie.  [Aside.~]  It's  come  at  last.  [Aloud.']  I  don't  know 
what  you  mean. 

Geagle.     I'm  only  fifty. 

Dosie.     Oh,  years  make  no  difference. 

Geagle.  Oh,  yes,  they  do.  I  consider  that,  particularly  in 
your  case — [Catches  a  warning  gesture  from  SIL.]  I  mean,  in  my 
case.  Let  us  say  our  case. 

Dosie.  [Decidedly."]  Never  mind  pursuing  that  .subject. 
[Simpering.]  What  did  you  want  with  me  ? 

Geagle.  [  With  a  burst  J]  To  marry  you.  [Jumps  up.~\  It's 
out.  It's  out.  [Blows  his  nose  as  he  crosses,  and  takes  stage  R.] 

Dosie.  [  With  a  en/.]  Oh,  catch  me !  [He  props  her  up  with 
one  hand  and  fans,  her  with  a  newspaper  with  the  other,  which  he 
takes  from  his  pocket.  Recovering .]  You  have  so  taken  me  by 
surprise.  I  never  even  thought  of  marriage. 

Sil.  [Up  stage,  R.]  Oh,  aunty!  [GEAGLE  waves  her  off. 
&he  goes  off,  c.,  and  afterwards  peeps  in,  c.  R.] 

Dosie.  I  had  no  idea  of  changing  my  mode  of  life.  There  is 
everything  here  to  make  a  young  thing  like  me  happy.  I  was 
like  a  bird,  joyous  all  the  day  long. 

Geagle.  Well,  we'll  be  a  pair  of  birds,  and  go  off  and  flock 
together. 

Dosie.  [Both  sit.]  I  can't  decide  upon  the  instant.  I  don't 
know  you,  Mr.  Geagle. 

Geagle.     [R.,  on  seat.']     You've  known  me  fifteen  years. 

Do*ie.  [Sentimentally.']  It  seems  as  if  I  had  seen  you  but 
yesterday. 

Geagle.  Well,  it  was  only  last  Saturday.  Now  to  business. 
What  am  I  to  do,  hope  ?  Is  it  a  bargain,  or  shall  we  call  it  off? 

Dosie.     I  must  consult  my  sister. 

Geagle.     Then  I  needn't  go  right  off  and  drown  myself,  eh  ? 

Dosie.  Would  I  sit  here  if  you  were  indifferent  to  me,  dear 
Nicholas.  [Titters  and  drops  her  head  on  his  shoulder.'] 

Geagle.  Dear  Dosie.  [Takes  her  hand,  then  suddenly  stops 
and  draws  back  with  a  sigh,  looking  fixedly  at  her.~]  I-  think  it 
proper  to  call  your  attention  to  a  little  defect.  [DosiE  looks  at 
herself  and  feels  her  toilette  in  alarm']  Oh,  on  my  part.  [DosiE 
relieved.]  A— a — fault — a  deficiency. 

Dosie.     A  fault,  a  deficiency? 
Geagle.     A  big  one. 

Dosie.     [Soothingly.]     Can't  you  get  rid  of  it  ?  \  •»  • 

Geagle.  I  do  take  it  off  sometimes,  but  I  can't  get  rid  of  it 
altogether. 


NEEDLES   AND   PINS.  25 

Dosie.     How  singular. 

Geagle.     Look  at  me,  don't  you  observe  something  singular? 

Dosie.     You  alarm  me. 

Geagle.  The  fact  is,  then — [Places  her  on  seat.~\  I — I — wear — 
I  wear — 

Sil.  [c.,  who  has  been  watching,  holds  up  the  wig.]  The 
fact  is,  aunty,  he  wears  a  wig. 

Geagle.  [Starting  away,  L.]  What's  that?  [Feels  head,~\ 
Why  I  didn't  have  it  on  at  all.  [To  Dosie.']  And  you  didn't 
refuse  me,  even  though  I  went  for  you  bald-headed.  I  am  a 
happy  man.  Victory!  [Seizes  DOSIE'S  hands,  and  both  go 
skipping  over  to  sofa,  L.,  and  sit.] 

Dosie.  Did  you  think  I  would  have  loved  you  the  less  on 
account  of  a  wig. 

Geagle.  The  danger  is  past.  Now  I  can  speak.  We'll 
celebrate  the  festivity  by  a  little  wild  dissipation.  We'll  go  to 
the  Triton  masquerade,  eh  ? 

Sil.    Me,  too ! 

Geagle.     You  !  of  course.     [Motions  her  to  retire.] 

Sil.  [Aside.]  They'll  do.  Won't  pa  be  glad  I've  taken 
the  business  off  his  hands.  [Huns  off,  c.  R.  Music.  Instantly 
re-appears,  and  runs  to  L.  and  off,  c.  R.] 

[GEAGLE  whispers  in  DOSIE'S  ear.  She  puts  her  hands  before 
her  face,  then  whispers  to  him.  He  hides  his  face  in  his  hands  f 
She  runs  over  to  chair,  R.  H.  He  misses  her,  and  looks  under  the 
sofa  and  behind  it,  then  sees  her  sitting  R.  with  handkerchief  over 
her  head.  Steals  over,  lifts  corner  of  handkerchief  and  says  "  Peek- 
a-boo."]  9 

Dosie.  [Running  back  to  L.]  Nicky  can't  catch  me.  [GEA 
GLE  folloivs  her.  Both  on  sofa,  L.  He  whispers  in  her  ear.  She 
shakes  her  head.  He  whispers  again,  holding  up  finger,  as  if  asking 
for  one  kiss.  She  hesitates,  finally  throws  her  handkerchief  around 
his  neck,  he  getting  on  his  knees  before  her,  back  to  audience.  She 
pulls  his  head  forward  to  her  and  kisses  him  twice  on  top  of  the 
bald  spot.] 

MR.  and  MRS.  VANDUSEN  enter,  c.,  with  SILENA.     They  all  ex 
claim  Bravo !     Bravissimo. 

Geagle.  [Leading  Dosie  to  Mrs.  V.'s  feet,  and  kneeling.] 
Mother,  your  blessing !  [Back  to  audience.] 

CURTAIN. 


26  NEEDLES   AND   PINS. 


ACT  II. 

SCENE. — Handsome  library,  bookcase  of  miscellaneous  books,  L.  C., 
and  bookcase  of  law  books,  R.  c.  Door  of  entrance,  c.  Doors 
L.  and  R.,  table  R.,  sofa  behind  it,  chairs,  etc.  Music. 

JONAH,  an  old  clerk,  in  rusty  black,  is  discovered  arranging  papers 
on  table,  has  on  white  tie,  pen  behind  ear,  has  habit  of  taking 
snuff.  MARY  FORREST  enters,  c.  L.;  she  is  a  young  girl  of  21, 
elegantly  dressed. 

Mary.     [L.]     Is  Mr.  Versus  in  his  office,  Jonah? 

Jonah.     Yes,  Miss.     He's  drawing  some  pleadings. 

Alary.  Ask  him  if  he  will  come  to  me  as  soon  as  he  is  disen 
gaged. 

Jon.     [  Going.     Crosses  to  L.]     Yes,  Miss. 

Mary.  And,  Jonah,  I  believe  the  callers  for  Mr.  Versus  are 
usually  shown  in  here.  Will  you  attend  particularly,  this  morn 
ing,  to  showing  them  to  the  outer  room. 

Jon.     Yes,  Miss. 

Mary.     [Going  to  table,  R.]     That  is  all,  thank  you. 

Jon.  [Aside — going. ,]  When  a  body  comes  into  half  a  mil 
lion,  other  bodies  go  to  the  outer  room.  [Exits,  L.  D.,  snuffling  and 
shuffling.] 

Mary.  By  this  time  my  letters  and  telegram  must  have 
reached  the  school,  and  Silena  is  reading  them  with  more  than 
surprise.  She  will  hear  that  I  have  found  her  Kit.  Poor  heart ! 
She  had  given  up  all  hope  of  happiness,  and  it  was  reserved  for 
me  to  fill  her  with  joy.  [Rising. ~]  What  better  use  to  make  of 
riches!  When  I  feel  her  sobbing  on  my  breast — when  I  see  him 
clasp  her  hand — when  they  are  married,  and  they  shall  be  mar 
ried — I  shall  have  my  reward. 

Jon.  [Shuffles  in,  L.  D.]  Mr.  Versus  coming,  Miss.  He's 
in  a  hurry. 

TOM  VERSUS  enters,  L.  D. 

Tom.  [To  Jon.~\  Run  off  and  post  those  letters,  Jonah,  and 
try  to  serve  Boggs  on  your  way  back.  We  must  catch  Boggs. 
[JON.  nods  and  exits.]  Came  as  soon  as  I  could.  [Crosses  to 
Mary.~\  Very  busy  this  morning.  Most  important  divorce  case. 
Lady  in  a  great  hurry.  [/Site.]  I  sent  you  word  I'd  found  your 
man. 

Mary.  [Sits  c.]  I  want  to  ask  you  all  about  him.  You  have 
really  found  Christopher  Vandusen  ? 


NEEDLES   AND    PINS.  27 

Tom.     [Sighs.']     Yes,  alas ! 

Mary.     What's  the  matter  ? 

Tom.  [Sits  next  to  her.']  What's  the  matter  ?  I've  found  a 
rival,  of  course. 

Mary.     A  rival  ?     Do  you  love  Selina  Summers  ? 

Tom.  Why  not  ?  I  presume  that  Selina  Summers  and  you 
are  one  and  the  same  person  ? 

Mary.  Don't  talk  nonsense.  You  are  my  lawyer,  and  a  good 
one — extremely  conscientious  for  a  lawyer,  and  I  want  your  ad 
vice. 

Tom.     [Profoundly.']     State  your  case. 

Mary.  There  is  a  young  man,  good-looking,  clever,  full  of  life, 
a  little  unsteady  and  flighty,  yet  brave  and  good,  whom  I  have 
known  since  childhood.  [Ton  looks  at  her]  He  never  cared  a 
snap  for  me  all  my  life,  until  I  came  into  a  fortune,  when  he  an 
nounces  himself  deeply  attached  to  me.  [He  rises,  takes  stage  R. 
H.]  What  do  you  advise  ?  Shall  I  trust  him  ?  Come,  answer 
like  a  sagacious  and  conscientious  lawyer,  consulted  on  a  matter 
of  business.  [TOM  scratches  his  ear.]  Well  ? 

Tom.  [Advancing  to  her]  Well,  my  advice  is,  take  him,  if 
you  don't  find  any  one  better. 

Mary.  [Extending  her  hand  to  him.']  That  is  exactly  what  I 
think.  So  we'll  let  the  matter  rest  there  for  the  present. 

Tom.     [Holding  her  hand]     So  you  are  Selina  Summers  ? 

Mary.  [Rising.]  You  are  mistaken.  The  proof  is  this  tele 
gram,  I  have  sent  two  hours  ago,  to  the  true  Silena  Summers. 
[  Takes  paper  from  pocket  and  hands  it  to  Tom.]  Read  it  please. 

Tom.  [Reads  R.,  crosses  to  L.]  "To  Miss  Silena  Summers, 
Music  Teacher.  Miss  Bunker's  Seminary  for  Young  Ladies, 
Middleburg,  Montgomery  County,  New  York."  It's  a  good  thing 
they  don't  charge  for  the  address.  [Reads.~\  "Have  found  your 
Christopher.  Come  on  by  next  train.  He  will  be  at  my  house. 
All  is  well.  Remember  the  story  you  told  me.  Mary  Forrest." 

Mary.     [Rises]     You  believe  in  her  existence  now  ? 

Tom.  Well,  I  have  a  resource  against  the  disappointment — 
the  "remembrance  [Enthusiastic]  of  a  charming  creature — by 
the  way,  the  sister  of  your  friend,  Christopher — a  delicious  little 
innocent,  who  always  says  "  thank  you,"  when  I  pay  her  a  com 
pliment. 

Mary.     [Surprised]     Christopher  has  a  sister  ? 

Tom.  A  rosebud.  Voice  like  a  bell.  Eyes  like  a  gazelle. 
Altogether  bright,  and  fresh,  and  beaming,  like  a  May  morning. 

Mary.  Did  you  intimate  to  Mr.  Vandusen  why  he  was  re 
quested  to  call  here  ? 

Tom.     Oh,  yes !     I  explained. 


28  NEEDLES   AND   PINS. 

Mary.     How  did  he  take  it  ? 

Tom.     Well,  he  didn't  appear  overjoyed. 

Mary.     He  controlled  his  feelings  ? 

Tom.  [L.]  Admirably,  if  he  had  any.  Now,  his  mother,  the 
widow,  she  was  much  more  excited.  But  it  struck  me  she  was 
not  altogether  the  helpless  creature  we  supposed. 

Mary.     She  is  a  most  deserving  person. 

Tom.  I  don't  think  you'll  find  her  a  very  thankful  one.  Do 
you  know  it  occurred  to  me  that  these  people  may  have  got  over 
the  old  fit — I  mean  the  original  affection.  It  must  be  a  couple 
of  years,  at  least,  since  it  all  happened.  Christopher  may  have 
braced  up  and  got  another  girl.  [  Crosses  to  R.] 

Mary.     Are  men  so  fickle? 

Tom.  [R.]  If  I  may  judge  by  myself,  there  isn't  the  slightest 
dependence  to  be  placed  on  any  of  them. 

Mary.     If  they  are  all  as  honest  there  is  some  hope. 

HANNAH,  servant  maid,  appears,  c.  L. 

Hannah.  A  gentleman,  by  the  name  of  Mr.  Vandusen,  has 
called  to  see  Mr.  Versus. 

Tom.  [Rising]  I'll  be  there  in  a  moment.  [HANNAH  exits 
C.  L.,  he  looks  at  watch.~\  I  told  him  four  o'clock.  He's  punctual. 

Mary.     [Crosses  to  R.]     Please  send  him  to  me. 

Tom.  [Going  up]  Don't  forget  you're  to  have  me,  if  you 
don't  find  a  better. 

Mary.     [R.]     Suppose  the  "  May  morning"  were  to  hear  you  ? 

Tom.  Ah !  the  "  May  morning,"  what  a  pity  most  of  them 
turn  out  November  afternoons.  I'll  go  and  rattle  off  that  di 
vorce.  [Exits,  L.  D.] 

Mary.  [Sits  on  sofa,  c.]  I  am  really  curious  to  see  Silena's 
lover. 

KIT  VANDUSEN  enters,  c.,  shown  in  by  HANNAH,  who  exits.     He  is 
carefully  dressed.   Does  not  perceive  Mary  at  first. 

Kit.  The  lamb  is  led  to  the  slaughter.  I  trust  the  victim  is 
becomingly  decorated  for  the  sacrifice.  [Sees  Mary.~\  Madam  ! 

Mary.  [  Turns,  recognizing  him.]  He !  who  is  this  ?  [  Crosses 
to  L.] 

Kit.  [Recognizing.']  You  !  [Aside.]  It  must  be  the  same ! 
That  Sunday  at  the  church.  How  is  it  possible? 

Mary.  [Aside.]  It  is  he,  and  he  belongs  to  another.  I  have 
brought  them  together.  What  a  destiny  is  mine?  [Leans 
against  table  for  support] 


NEEDLES   AND   PINS.  29 

Kit.  [Hastens  to  her. ,]  You  are  ill ;  can  I  assist  you  ?  [She 
drops  in  seat.~\ 

Mary.     [Motions  him  away  coldly.~]     Pray  be  seated. 

Kit.     I  thought  you  were  about  to  fall. 

Mary.     No — I — only  sat  down— energetically,  that's  all. 

Kit.  [Aside.']  I'll  marry  her,  of  course  that's  all  right.  But 
how  fortunate ;  mother  might  have  proposed  somebody  else  and 
then —  [Shudders.'] 

Mary.     Please  take  a  seat. 

Kit.     [Sits,  c.]     I  am  at  your  service. 

Mary.     You  are  aware,  I  suppose,  why  you  were  sent  for. 

Kit.  Certainly.  I  had  a  conversation  with  my  mother,  this 
morning. 

Mary.  Your  mother  seems  to  take  more  interest  in  the  matter 
than  you. 

Kit.  I  confess  I  was  indifferent,  but  now  that  I  find  you  are 
the  person — who — or  the  person  which — 

Mary.  [L.]  Let  us  talk  of  your  affairs.  You  are  willing  to 
be  married  ? 

Kit.     If  you  wish  it — with  the  greatest  pleasure. 

Mary.  How  much  of  a  dowry  do  you  think  a  bride  ought  to 
bring  ? 

Kit.  [Entreating.']  Don't  let  us  talk  of  money.  Let  us 
speak  of  the  time  when  we  first  met — when  our  souls,  stirred  by 
the  solemn  tones  of  the  organ — sought  expression  for  their  feel 
ings  and  spoke  to  each  other  through  our  glances. 

Mary.  [Rising,  excited.]  How  can  you  talk  in  this  strain  to 
me !  Do  you  forget  that  you  are  going  to  be  married  ? 

Kit.  [Rising  and  ardently  seizes  her  hand.]  Yes  ;  and  I  felt 
I  ought,  for  that  reason  most  of  all,  to  show  you  that  from  the 
first  moment  our  eyes  met — 

Mary.  [  Crosses  to  c.]  Not  a  word  more.  Tell  me  what  sum 
of  money  a  bride  ought — 

Kit.  Do  you — can  you — believe  me  capable  of  entertaining 
one  sordid  thought  in  your  presence  ? 

Mary.     [Agitated.~\     The  sum !     The  sum ! 

Kit.  I  refuse  to  discuss  the  topic.  With  me  marriage  is  too 
sacred  for  the  intrusion  of  a  selfish  thought. 

HANNAH  appears,  c. 

Mary.     [To  her. ~]     What  is  it? 

Hannah.     Lady,  miss.     Says  she  is  Mrs.  Vandusen. 

Kit.     Mother !     [Aside.]     Come  to  see  how  I'm  getting  on. 

Mar-y.     [  To  Kit.~]     I'm  exceedingly  glad.     She,  at  least,  will 


30  NEEDLES    AND    PINS. 

discuss  this  matter  in  a  practical  way.  [  To  Han.~]  Ask  her  to 
come  in. 

Kit.  [To  Han.']  Wait  a  moment.  [To  Mary.']  Allow  me 
to  withdraw.  I  don't  wish  to  meet  mother  here.  I'm  not 
anxious  to  hear  a  practical  discussion  of  the  topic  between  you. 
I  have  some  sense  of  shame  in  the  matter. 

Mary.  [Points  R.;  he  crosses.]  You  can  step  into  that  room, 
but  do  not  leave  until  I  speak  with  you  again. 

Kit.  I  will  wait.  [Aside,  going.']  Heavens,  is  there  no 
youth — no  love — even  in  her.  [Exits,  R.  1  E.] 

Mary.  [To  Han.~\  Ask  Mrs.  Vandusen  to  enter.  [HAN. 
exits,  c]  Will  Silena  ever  know  the  sacrifice  I  am  making  for 
her  sake  ? 

MRS.  VANDUSEN  enters,  c.  L.,  shown  in  by  HANNAH,  who  exits, 

C.  L. 

•  Mrs.  Vandusen.  Have  I  the  honor  of  addressing  Miss  For 
rest  ? 

Mary.  [Graciously.']  Mrs.  Vandusen?  I  am  delighted  to 
see  you.  You  are  exceedingly  welcome.  [They  sit.] 

Mrs.  V.     You  are  extremely  kind. 

Mary.  I  should  find  it  hard  to  be  otherwise  to  one  who 
had  suffered  so  much — one  who  has  the  misfortune  to  be  left  a 
widow — 

Mrs.  V.     [Rising  suddenly. ]     Widow  again  ! 

Mary.  [Slightly  amazed,  R.]  I  beg  your  pardon,  but  let  us 
come  to  the  point.  I  expect  Silena  Summers  to-day. 

Mrs.  V.     [Smothered  excitement.]     Do  you,  indeed. 

Mary.     I  telegraphed  for  her  this  morning. 

Mrs.  V.     [c.,  aside]     This  is  dreadful.     [Sits] 

Mary.  You  don't  appear  to  believe  that  I  can  effect  the 
arrangement  I  propose. 

Mrs.  V.  [With  burst.]  But  what  arrangement  in  heaven's 
name  do  you  propose  ? 

Mary.  Well,  to  be  practical,  I  intend  to  advance  the  neces 
sary  funds  to  remove  all  obstacles  to  her  happiness.  How  much 
do  you  require  ? 

Mrs.  V.  [Controlling  her  voice  with  an  effort]  My  dear 
young  lady,  will  you  first  do  me  the  favor  to  explain  by  what 
right  you  meddle  in  my  affairs  ? 

Mary.     Silena  is  my  friend. 

Mrs.  V.  [More  forcible]  By  what  authority  do  you  dare 
imperil  my  legal  and  lawful  claims  upon  Mr.  Vandusen? 

Mary.  Why,  don't  you  understand,  I  propose  to  put  her  in  a 
position  to  claim  him  as  her  own. 


NEEDLES   AND    PINS.  31 

Mrs.  V.  [Rising,  excitedly.']  And  do  you  think,  madam, 
that  because  you  have  come  into  a  fortune,  you  have  the  right  or 
the  power  to  take  away  a  woman's  husband  and  the  father  of 
her  children  ?  Pray,  don't  forget,  my  dear  young  lady,  that  we 
have  the  police  [MARY  rises  in  alarm],  and  the  laws  and  "the 
courts  to  stop  any  such  proceedings.  [Crosses  to  R.] 

Mary.  Do  you  mean  to  say  that  he  is  married  and  has  chil 
dren.  Christopher  married ! 

Mrs.  V.  Don't  you  presume  to  call  my  husband  by  his 
Christian  name. 

Mary.     Your  husband?     But  he's  dead,  isn't  he ? 

Mrs.  V.     This  is  too  much.     [Shrieks  and  falls  in  chair, ] 

Mary.     [Bewildered.]     There  must  be  some  mistake. 

Mrs.  V.  [Rising.]  There's  no  mistake.  My  husband  was  in 
love  with  Silena  Summers — he  gave  her  up  for  reasons  that  were 
sufficient  and  commendable — and  this  was  twenty-five  years 
ago. 

Mary.  Twenty-five  years  ago?  Why,  the  Silena  I  mean  is 
not  twenty-five  years  old. 

JONAH  enters,  c.,  with  envelope. 

Jonah.  Telegram,  miss.  Just  come.  [Hands  it  to  MARY,  who 
opens  it — he  goes,  and  aside.]  The  fellows  proposing  by  telegraph. 
Lord,  what  draft  there  is  in  half  a  million  !  [Exits,  c] 

Mary.  From  Silena  herself.  Now  we  shall  see.  [Reads] 
"  Your  message  is  quite  a  puzzle.  I  dp  not  know  any  Chris 
topher  The  story  I  related  to  you  was  that  of  my  mother. — 
Silena."  [JsiWe.j  What  have  I  been  doing?  How  can  I  ex 
plain  or  apologize.  [To  Mrs.  V]  You  see,  madam,  it  was  an 
error,  and  all  on  my  part. 

Mrs.  V.  [Pre-occupied  with  another  idea.]  Yes — yes — I 
understand.  But  what  is  the  name  of  this  daughter — this — 
[Points  to  telegram] 

Mary.     Silena  Summers. 

Mrs.  V.  Why,  that  was  her  mother's.  How  can  it  be 
hers!  [Crosses  to  L.]  Who  was  her  father?  [In  thrilling 
tone] 

Mary.     I  don't  know. 

Mrs.  V.  She  does  not  bear  his  name,  because — because  she 
has  no  father. 

Mary.     But  she  must — 

Mrs.  V.     No  legal  father.     It  is  shocking.     [  Crosses  to  R.] 

Mary.     Who  can  he  be  ? 

Mrs.  V.  [Seizing  her  arm]  I  know  him.  I  know  him  too 
well — and  he  shall  know  I  know  him.  [  Up  and  doivn  stage.] 


32  NEEDLES   AND    PINS. 

Mary.  I  hope  that  you  will  forgive  me,  that  in  following  the 
promptings  of  a  generous  impulse,  I  have  committed  this  folly. 
I  regret  having  caused  you  unnecessary  excitement.  It  will  be 
a  good  lesson  to  me.  I  needed  one.  [Crosses  to  R.] 

Mrs.  V.  [Advancing  to  her.]  Don't  apologize,  my  child, 
you  have  done  me  a  great  service.  I  am  not  angry  with  you. 
Dark  deeds  will  come  to  light.  My  duty  now  is  to  sift  this 
mystery  to  the  depths.  [Wrings  Mary's  hand  and  going  up  c., 
aside.]  Oh,  Christopher !  Christopher !  What  have  you  done  ? 
[Exits,  c.  L.] 

Mary.  [Solus]  I  do  believe  it's  all  Tom's  fault.  Hunting 
for  a  son  he's  found  the  father — or  rather  looking  for  the  father 
he's  brought  me  the  son.  [Her  face  begins  to  brighten.]  But 
Christopher  here — and  not  Silena's  lover.  I  believe  it's  all  for 
the  best.  He  is  free — and  seemed  to  take  a  great  interest  in  every 
thing  relating  to  me.  Gracious  me !  How  much  better  I  feel 
now  that  I'm  not  doing  anything  benevolent.  [Pushes  door  open] 
Mr.  Vandusen,  we  are  alone.  [  Comes  down.] . 

KIT  enters  nervously,  R.  D. 

Kit.  I  suppose  my  mother  entered  into  your  views  very 
promptly  and  thoroughly.  I  heard  her  talking  quite  forcibly. 

Mary.  [Laughing.]  There  was  a  misunderstanding  on  both 
sides. 

Kit.     Yes,  I  thought  so  from  her  tone. 

Mary.  But  never  mind,  it  has  made  us  acquainted — oddly 
enough — but  let's  be  thankful  all  the  same. 

Kit.     Then  we  do  not  refer  to  the  financial  topic  again. 

Mary.  [Confused.']  Spare  me.  I  deserve  your  ridicule. 
[Sits  down  and  indicates  sofa  to  him]  Won't  you  be  seated.  I 
believe  there  is  nothing  more  to  detain  you. 

Kit.  [Sitting.]  I'll  go  immediately.  [Pause]  Do  you 
mean  to  send  me  away  now  ?  [Rises] 

Mary.  No — not  at  all.  [Rises  embarrassed]  Unless  you 
wish  [Sits — he  sits]  to  chat  about — 

Kit.  [Drawing  a  little  nearer  to  her.]  I  should  dearly  love  to 
chat  about — 

Mary.     You  left  the  school  and  the  village  very  suddenly. 

Kit.  [  Quickly.]  Before  I  could  manage  to  procure  an  intro 
duction  to  you,  I  was  summoned  home  to  take  a  position  that 
was  offered — 

Mary.  I  left  suddenly,  too,  to  take  a  new  position  for  me — 
that  of  an  heiress. 

Kit.  [Advances,  sits  next  to  her]  I  congratulate  you  with  all 
my  heart,  you  are  so  good. 


NEEDLES   AND   PINS.  33 

Mary.     How  do  you  know  I  am  so  good  ? 

Kit.  [Moves  closer.]  You  remember  the  first  time  I  saw  you, 
it  was  in  church — sifter  all  had  gone — you  knelt  and  prayed.  I 
don't  believe  any  one  could  be  guilty  of  wearing  a  mask  in  such 
a  place. 

Mary.  [Coquettishly.]  Don't  be  too  sure.  I  knew  you  were 
watching  me. 

Kit.  You  knew  it — you  felt  it.  [Embarrassed.]  You  have 
no  family — no  friends? 

Mary.     I  am  an  orphan.     [Pause,  both  look  at  the  floor.] 

Kit.     [Sighs]     I  suppose  it  is  time  for  me  to  go. 

Mary.     If  you  have  business. 

Kit.  Oh  no!  it's  after  four— the  office  is  closed.  Besides,  I 
took  a  half  holiday  to-day,  and  I'm  spending  it  with  you. 

Mary.  [  Gives  him  her  hand]  I  should  like  you  to  spend  a 
whole  holiday  now  and  then  with  me. 

MR.  VANDUSEN  and  SILENA  appear,  c.,  but  seeing  Kit  and  Mary, 
retreat,  c.  L. 

Kit.  [Overjoyed]  All — if  you'll  let  me.  [Knock  outride] 
Did  you  hear  a  knock  ?  [Rises] 

Mary.     [Rises]     It's  strange !     Come  in  ! 

MR.  VANDUSEN  and  SILENA  appear  at  door,  c.,  and  look  in. 

Vandusen.  I  beg  your  pardon.  We  found  the  front  door 
open.  Somebody  must  have- gone  out  in  a  hurry.  We  came  to 
see  Mr.  Versus,  the  lawyer.  [Recognizes  Kit.]  Why,  my  son, 
you  here  ? 

Silena.  [Crosses  to  R.  c.,  recognizes  Mary]  Good  gracious! 
there's  Mary  Forrest  [Running  to  her  and  embrace],  the  "Beauti 
ful."  You  know  that's  what  we  always  called  you.  Our  last 
teacher  was  the  "  Griffin,"  and  the  one  before  her  was  the  "  Cat." 

Mary.  [R.,  embraces  her  heartily]  Little  Silena!  I  never 
knew  your  other  name.  [  They  chat  together  vivaciomly] 

Van.  [Coming  down  to  Kit]  What  are  you  doing  here 
— with  this  young  lady  ? 

Kit.  [Drawing  Van.  down,  L.]  Sh !  Don't  you  remember 
mother's  plans  for  my  settlement  in  life  ? 

Van.     [  Vigorously]     Which  I  detest. 

Kit.     I  intend  to  meet  her  wishes  fully. 

Van.  [Sarcastically]  What  a  good  boy  you  are.  But 
I  won't  have  any  such  sacrifice.  I'll  set  this  matter  right  at 


34  NEEDLES   AND    PINS. 

once.  [Turning  to  Mary.']  My  dear  young  lady.  [She  comes 
down."] 

Kit.     [Pulling  his  coat]     Father,  let  me  explain — 

Van.  [Trying  to  release  his  coat  tails.]  My  dear  young 
lady —  Let  me  alone.  [To  Kit] 

Kit.     [Same  business."]     But  I  tell  you — 

Van.  [Releasing  himself ]  I  do  not  wish  to  be  told — I  under 
stand  everything.  [To  Mary]  My  dear — 

Mary.  [  Crosses  to  R.  c.]  If  you  are  looking  for  Mr.  Versus, 
his  office  is  the  next  room.  He  has  kindly  surrendered  his 
library  to  me. 

Van.  [Loftily.']  I  was  in  search  of  that  gentleman,  but 
at  present  my  business  is  with  you. 

Mary.     With  me? 

Van.     And  I  beg  a  private  interview  for   a   few  moments. 

Mary.     With  the  greatest  pleasure. 

Kit.     Father,  you  will  certainly  do  me  a  very  great  injury. 

Van.  No,  my  boy.  I'll  prevent  you  doing  yourself  an 
injury. 

Mary.  [To  Kit.]  Will  you  consent  to  be  banished  to  that 
little  room  again  ?  [Pointing  R.] 

Kit.     [Crosses  to  her]     I — 

Mary.     Are  you  afraid  of  what  your  father  has  to  tell  me  ? 

Kit .  [  Going  to  R.]  I  am  afraid  of  nothing.  [ Aside]  All's 
lost.  [Exits,  R.  D.] 

Van.  [Perceiving  Sil.,  who  has  been  watching  with  interest] 
Have  you  got  another  room  we  can  put  this  child  into  ? 

Mary.     If  you  like  she  can  take  your  message  to  Mr.  Versus. 

Sil.     [Alarmed]     Oh,  I  couldn't. 

Van.  The  very  thing.  We  have  come  to  get  a  little  mar 
riage  settlement  drawn  up.  She  knows  all  about  the  names, 
ages,  and  other  particulars  of  the  delinquents,  and  can  give  the 
lawyer  all  the  points.  The  delinquents  will  follow  within  half 
an  hour  to  sign. 

SiL  [Solemnly,  c.]  Papa,  do  you  really  intend  to  send  me 
to  the  lawyer  ? 

Van.     Certainly — he  won't  eat  you. 

Mary.     [Touching  bell]     We  can  call  him. 

Sil.  But,  papa,  I  don't  know  anything  about  marriage  set 
tlements. 

Van.  You  made  the  match  and  you  had  better  see  it 
through.  [SiL.  crosses  to  c.  and  up] 


NEEDLES   AND   PINS.  35 

TOM  enters  gaily,  L.  D.,  crosses  to  R.  c. 

Tom.  Once  more  unto  the  breach,  dear  friends.  [Stops,  seeing 
SiL,  aside.}  The  pretty  sister ! 

Mary.     [  Whispers  to  Tom.']     The  May  morning  ? 

Tom.     [Same.']     You  are  an  angel ! 

Sil.  [  Who  has  been  remonstrating  with  her  father. ]  Oh  ! 
[  Vexed.} 

Van.     You  will  have  to,  and  that's  an  end  of  it. 

Sil.     I'll  muddle  it  all  up. 

Van.  [Laughingly  to  Tom.]  My  daughter  seems  to  have 
taken  an  extraordinary  aversion  to  you. 

Tom.     [Surprised.]     Indeed  ? 

Sil.     [Pulling  his  sleeve.]     Papa  ! 

Van.     Now  go,  and  don't  be  foolish. 

Tom.  [  Offering  his  arm.]  I  should  be  terrified  and  reluctant, 
my  dear  Miss  Vandusen,  for  you  are  exceedingly  dangerous  to 
my  peace  of  mind. 

Sil.     Thank  you  !     [Exeunt,  L.  D.] 

Mary.  Now  we  are  alone.  Mr.  Vandusen,  will  you  not  be 
seated  ? 

Van.  [Loftily,  L.]  Thank  you !  I  shall  be  brief.  What 
I  have  to  say  may  not  be  very  agreeable,  and  will  be  much  more 
appropriately  delivered  standing. 

Mary.     [Surprised.}     Indeed,  sir.     [  Walks  away  a  few  steps.'] 

Van.  Is  it  possible  you  do  not  blush  to  find  yourself  in 
this  situation  ?  [She  turns,  astounded.}  You  are  young — rich — 
and,  I  suppose,  respectable.  Cannot  you  wait  until  your  destiny 
crowns  your  brow  with  the  diadem  of  chaste  and  honorable 
matrimony  ?  What  reason  is  there  for  you  to  anticipate  it  by  a 
resort  to  disreputable  and  speculative  means — 

Mary.  [Almost  speechless.'}  Sir  !  this  is  monstrous !  You  are 
out  of  your  senses ! 

Van.  My  son  is  a  good  boy,  but  energy  is  not  his  charac 
teristic.  He  has  my  disposition — heroic  at  the  bottom  ;  but  the 
heroism  only  rises  at  the  strongest  provocation. 

Mary.     Well,  sir  ? 

Van.  His  mother  is  differently  constituted.  She  has  ordered 
him  to  provide  for  himself  by  a  marriage  with  some  wealthy 
young  person.  I  must  do  him  the  justice  to  say  that  at 
first  he  resisted — because  he  loved  another.  But  in  the  end  I 
find  him  here,  ready  to  immolate  himself  in  obedience  to  the  ma 
ternal  wishes.  If  I  had  not  taken  this  opportunity  to  interfere, 
he  would  have  married  you  and  sealed  his  misery. 

Mary.     [Amazed   and  mastering  her  emotion,  which  has  been 


36  NEEDLES    AND   PINS. 

perceptible  during  the  whole  of  the  foregoing. ~\  Let  me  understand 
you.  You  say  that  your  son  came  here  in  obedience  to  his 
mother's  wishes.  [  Crosses  to  L.] 

Van.  To  marry  you,  or  rather  your  money.  Ah !  the 
crime  of  such  a  union.  Those  who  wed  should  give  heart  for 
heart,  not  buy  and  sell  them  !  To  convince  you  let  me  tell  you 
a  story  of  real  life. 

Mary.  \_Impatient.~]  I  beg  you'll  spare  me  that  old  story 
about  ISilena  Summers.  [  Crosses  to  R.] 

Van.     [Dazed.]     Eh  ? 

Mary.  [Re-crosses  to  L.  during  speech,  excitedly  to  herself.]  It 
was  detestable  to  deceive  me  in  that  manner.  Talking  to  me 
about  the  solemn  tones  of  the  organ — and  the  language  of  the 
soul — and  all  the  while  loving  some  one  else  and  thinking  of  my 
money.  [Sits  L.,  leans  her  head  on  her  arms  and  sobs] 

Van.  [Aside]  I've  been  too  abrupt.  It  was  cruel.  [Aloud] 
Pray,  don't  grieve  so,  my  dear.  I  was  too  severe.  I  beg  your 
pardon.  My  only  excuse  is,  I  am  a  father  who  loves  his 
children. 

Mary.  [Rising  and  looking  at  him  fiercely]  All  your  children, 
sir? 

Van.     All  ?     Of  course,  all !     I've  only  got  two. 

Mary.  [Hysterical  bitterness]  Two  ?  Ha  !  ha !  ha !  Two  ! 
Two ! 

Van.  [Non-plumed]  Ha !  ha !  ha !  [Leans  brow  on  fin 
ger  in  severe  effort  to  remember  if  there  were  more] 

Mary.  [At  door,  R.]  You  are  as  false  as  the  rest.  With  re 
gard  to  your  son,  however,  I  will  soon  set  your  paternal  mind  at 
rest.  [Pushes  door  open  and  calls]  Mr.  Vandusen ! 

Enter  KIT. 

Kit.     [Aside]     That  tone  bodes  me  no  good. 

Mary.  Take  your  son.  I  have  nothing  more  to  do  with  him. 
[  Up  to  c] 

Van.  [Aside  to  Kit,  c]  Come,  my  boy,  and  remain  true 
to  your  secret  affection. 

Kit.  [Excited,  aside]  Father,  you  would  not  hear  my  ex 
planations.  This  is  the  lady  of  whom  I  spoke. 

Van.  [Amazed]  The  organ?  the  church?  [Turns  and 
looks  at  Mary] 

Mary.  [Suppressing  her  tears  forcibly]  Farewell,  sir !  We 
shall  never  see  each  other  again.  [Exits,  C.  R.] 

Kit.  [Follows  her  to  door,  c  ]  Mary !  Miss  Forrest !  All  is 
over.  [Comes  down]  And  I  was  so  happy !  [Crosses,  agitated, 


NEEDLES    AND   PINS.  37 

by  his  father,  on  whom  he  turns  suddenly. ,].  You  have  done  very 
well.  An  excellent  piece  of  business.  {Down,  L.] 

Van.     [Soothingly]     It's  all  for  the  best. 

Kit.     [Indignant,  crosses  to  R.]     All  for  the  best  ? 

Van.     [Taking  his  arm.']     You  may  be  happy  yet. 

Kit.     [Softer.']     You  believe  it? 

Van.  I'm*  sure  of  it.  There  are  dozens  of  girls  every  bit 
as  nice. 

Kit.  [Disengaging  himself,  paces  to  and  fro;  gets  R.]  You 
are  trifling  with  me. 

Van.  [Soothing  and  detaining  him,  with  both  arms  clasped 
around  him.']  Very  well,  very  well !  You  shall  have  this  one. 
Don't  despair.  If  you're  true  to  her,  you're  sure  of  her.  Ex 
plain  and  she'll  forgive.  Come,  let's  talk  it  over  soberly  on  our 
way  home.  [Gets  Kit's  hat  and  his  own]  There  is  one  thing, 
however,  we  ought  to  agree  upon.  [Nervously.] 

Kit.     What  is  that? 

Van.  To  not  mention  what  has  taken  place  here  to  your 
mother.  She  always  contends  that  when  I  undertake  to  rouse 
for  action,  I'm  sure  to  do  something  foolish.  We  needn't  furnish 
her  with  such  convincing  proof  of  the  correctness  of  her  opinion. 
[Exeunt,  c.  L.] 

SILENA,  after  slight  pause,  opens  door,  L.,  and  peeps  in. 

Silena.  Why,  where  is  papa  ?  This  is  the  room  where  I  left 
him.  I  never  saw  such  a  lawyer.  He  doesn't  understand  the 
least  bit  about  law.  Never  asked  me  the  names  of  aunt  and  her 
intended.  Was  very  anxious  to  know  mine.  And  he  was  so 
nervous.  Kept  continually  mistaking  my  fingers  for  the  pens, 
and  grabbed  them— so.  If  I  could  find  papa.  '[Going  up] 

TOM  enters,  L.  D.,  carrying  several  sheets  of  paper  and  pencil  in 

mouth. 

Tom.     Oh  !  there  you  are. 

Sil.     [Retreating  up  and  getting  L.]     I'm  looking  for  papa. 

Tom.  [At  table]  My  notes  of  the  contract  are  not  finished. 
Will  you  be  kind  enough  to  proceed  with  your  statement.  [Sits 
at  table  and  spreads  papers] 

Sil.  I  will  if  you'll  call  in  your  clerk.  For  I  won't  stay 
with  you  alone.  Not  for  anything. 

Tom.     And  why,  if  you  please  ? 

Sil.     Because  you're  so  very  nervous  and  make  grabs  for  me. 

Tom.  [Steps  forward]  You  are  so  beautiful  that  you  confuse 
me. 


38  NEEDLES    AND   PINS. 

Sil.  [Starting  from  Aim.]  If  you  don't  go  about  your  business 
immediately,  I  shall  leave  the  room. 

Tom.  It's  all  right.  I  am  going  about  my  business.  Here's 
pencil  and  paper.  Sit  down.  [Makes  room  for  her  on  the  sofa 
beside  himself] 

.Sil.  [Aside,  deliberating.]  I  won't  sit  opposite  him.  I  tried 
that,  and  he  looked  right  through  my  eyes.  If  I  sit  away 
off,  he'll  move  right  up  to  me.  [Looks  round  and  sees  law-books 
in  case.'}  I  know  what  I'll  do.  [  Goes  to  case,  R.,  twice,  each  time 
gets  a  pile  of  law-books  and  piles  them  in  the  middle  of  the  so/a.] 

Tom.     What  are  you  doing  with  my  law-books  ? 

Sil.  Are  they  law-books  ?  So  much  the  better.  The  law 
shall  protect  me.  [Sits  down  on  the  other  side  of  books  from  him.] 
Do  you  see  ?  I  am  under  the  protection  of  the  law.  Now,  go 
on  with  your  questions. 

Tom.  [Sending  toward  her]  First !  Have  you  ever  thought 
of  love? 

Sil.     [Rising,  decided.]     I  am  going. 

Tom.  [Changing  to  business  tone.]  Why,  that's  all  right. 
How  do  you  suppose  you  can  instruct  me  to  draw  up  a  marriage 
contract,  unless  you  know  what  you're  about. 

Sil.     I  do  know  what  I'm  about. 

Tom.     And  /  am  trying  to  ascertain  the  fact. 

SI.     [Sitting  timidly.]     What  do  you  want  to  know ? 

Tom.  [Ardently]  Tell  me,  I  implore  you,  have  you  ever 
loved  ? 

Sil.     [Rising]     Again  ? 

Tom.  [  Changing  tone,  and  rapidly.]  I  merely  wished  to  show 
what  questions  are  unnecessary.  As  matter  of  strict  law  you 
are  not  bound  to  answer.  You  understand?  I  see  you  do. 

Sil.     I  don't ! 

Tom.  Ah!  Well,  it's  of  no  consequence.  What's  the  name 
of  the  bride  ?  [  Writing.] 

Sil.     Miss  Theodosia  Heffron. 

Tom.     Bridegroom  ? 

Sil.    Mr.  Nicholas  Geagle. 

Tom.  [  Writing]  The  vast  and  varied  experiences  of  human 
life  furnish  no  more  sublime  spectacle  than  the  union  of  two 
beings  who  love  each  other  fervently.  [SiL.  involuntarily 
takes  one  of  the  law-books,  opens  it,  shuts  it  without  reading  it, 
transfers  it  to  her  left  hand,  with  which  she  places  it  on  her  left  side; 
this  she  does  alternating  with  Tom  several  times.  TOM,  as  if  pre 
occupied,  lays  his  pencil  down  and  leans  back;  goes  through  the 
same  operation  with  the  books,  alternating  with  Sil.,  both  very 
slowly,  he  laying  them  aside  on  his  right,  and  talking  all  the  while 
as  if  to  himself] 


NEEDLES    AND    PINS.  39 

Tom.  His  soul  yearns  for  her  presence,  her  heart  throbs  at 
his  approach. 

Sil.  [To  herself,  looking  at  him.']  What  a  remarkable  docu 
ment  he's  getting  up. 

Tom.  [Same  business.]  Love  is  the  sunshine  of  human  ex 
istence.  It  warms  the  heart,  beautifies  the  world,  and  makes  the 
universe  teem  with  joy.  It  is  the  key  to  the  mystic  language  of 
the  soul,  which  we  must  possess  in  order  to  fitly  communicate 
with  the  kindred  being  destined  to  share  our  lot. 

Sil.  [Who  has  listened  intently.']  How  well  he  expresses 
himself.  I  can  understand  every  word. 

Tom.  How  wretched  must  that  creature  be  who  has  never 
learned  to  love.  Alone — uiicomprehended,  tortured  by  the  dull 
round  of  petty  cares,  ignorant  of  a  blessed  recompense — living 
without  knowing  the  true  principle  of  existence,  an  uncultured 
flower,  an  unsought  gem,  an  unrhymed  line  in  the  fragment  we 
call  life.  Oh,  how  I  should  have  mourned  to  have  lived  without 
loving — without  having  found  an  echo  for  the  voice  of  my  heart. 
[Turns  to  her  and  in  low  tone.]  Silena!  Do  you  understand 
me?  When  you  pictured  the  man  you  felt  you  could  love,  and 
saw  him  in  your  dreams,  was  he  so  different  from  me,  Silena? 

Sil.     [Jumps  up  as  if  from  a  spell]     The  books  are  gone ! 

Tom.     [Seizing  her  hand.]     Silena !     Answer  me. 

Sil.  [  Wringing  her  hands]  Oh,  that  contract,  will  it  never 
be  finished? 

MARY  enters,  c. 

Mary.     You  here  yet,  Silena?     [Ton  begins  to  work  furiously] 

Sil.  '[Running  to  her.]  I  was  waiting  for  papa.  Please  stay 
with  me  'till  he  comes. 

Mary.  Why!  you  look  frightened.  [To  Tom]  What  does 
it  mean? 

Tom.  [Covering  his  head  with  papers]  I  can't  possibly  im 
agine. 

Sil.  He  draws  up  such  strange  contracts— it  makes  me  grow 
hot  and  cold  to  listen. 

Mary.     That's  it!  is  it?     A  poor  child's  heart  fluttering  near 
one  of  the  traps  set  by  the  designing  creature  called  man.    Silena  ! 
believe  nothing  they  tell  you- they  lie  and  deceive— all  of  them 
— this  one  not" an  hour  ago  proposed  to  my  half  million. 
.    Tom.     [Angrily,  rising]     This  is  too  bad  of  you. 

Sil.  [Half  pouting]  I  am  mistaken  in  him.  I  never  met 
him  before  this  morning,  when  he  gave  me  his  card,  and  I  took 
him  for  a  talented,  conscientious  and  accomplished  young  nu:n 


40  NEEDLES   AND    PINS. 

Avlio  wanted  clients,  and  I  intended  to  make  papa  give  him  all 
his  business.  I  would  have  done  the  same  for  any  young  lawyer, 
or  baker,  or  shoemaker.  [Half  sobbing.']  But  I  am  deceived. 
I  believe  he's  an  old  hand.  I  am  sorry  I  took  any  interest  in 
him.  [Severely  to  Tom.~\  For  he's  got  nothing  attractive  about 
him.  Not  a  single  recommendation.  [Exits  sobbing,  c.  L.] 

Tom.     [Enraged,  to  Mary.~\  That  was  exceedingly  kind  of  you. 

Mary.  You  are  like  all  your  sex,  perfectly  heartless  without 
apparently  being  conscious  df  the  fact.  From  this  time  forth  I 
shall  make  it  my  duty  to  warn  every  girl  I  meet — to  tear  the 
mask  from  their  deceivers — to  save  them.  [Exits,  R.  D.] 

Tom.  [Calling  after  her.]  They  don't  want  to  be  saved! 
[Comes  down.]  I  must  say  I  feel  exceedingly  cheap.  It's  too 
bad,  just  as  I  was  beginning  to  feel  that  I  was  sincere — to  mean 
every  word  I  was  saying — honestly.  I  see  how  it  will  be.  Back 
to  my  old  resolutions — shun  the  sex,  fly  marriage — rail  at  the 
fool  that  yields.  Just  look  at  those  books.  All  I've  gained  is 
the  job  of  putting  them  up  again.  [Buttons  his  coat]  I'll  take 
hold  of  that  divorce  now,  and  if  I  don't  have  the  parties  a 
thousand  miles  apart  in  less  than  a  week,  I'm  a  Dutchman ! 
[Exits,  L.  D.,  in  passion] 

JONAH  appears,  c. 

Jonah.  This  way,  mum  ;  he  brought  his  papers  in  here  a  little 
while  ago. 

DOSIE  enters,  c.,  elaborate  street  toilette. 

Dosie.     We  want  Mr.  Versus. 

Jon.     [Looks  around]     Why  !  he  isn't  here  ! 

Dosie.  We  can  wait,  thank  you.  [Goes  back  to  c.  and  calls 
off]  Nicholas,  darling — this  way  !  Come  along! 

Geagle.  [  Outside]  It's  all  very  well  to  say  come  along,  but 
these  confounded  bundles — 

Dosie.  [To  Jon]  Would  you  have  any  objection  to  assist 
Mr.  Geagle  in  with  his  bundles?  We've  been  shopping  and  he 
would  bring  everything  himself.  Ah!  he's  all  right.  [Comes 
down] 

Jon.     Yes,  ma'am!     He's  doing  famously. 

GEAGLE  enters,  c.,  arms  full  of  bundles,  carrying  fancy  parasol  over 
his  head,  open. 

Geagle.     Where  do  we  go  now  ? 


NEEDLES   AND   PINS.  41 

Dosie.     [R.]     Are  you  sure  you  haven't  dropped  anything? 

Geagle.  Just  count  'em,  will  you.  They  kept  slipping  one 
after  another,  as  if  they  were  all  alive.  [  They  slide  off  on  floor. 
DOSIE  flutters  around  him  counting^} 

Geagle.     Is  the  lawyer  in  ? 

Dosie.  [Continuing  her  count]  Thirteen,  fourteen,  fifteen. 
They're  all  right.  What  did  you  say  ?  [Sweetly."] 

Geagle.     [Sulkily."]     I  asked  if  the  lawyer  was  in. 

Dosie.  Oh !  goodness  knows.  Sit  down,  darling — you  look 
tired. 

Geagle.  Do  I  ?  That's  remarkable !  I  am  tired.  [$ife.] 
Phew !  [  Takes  off  his  hat  and  polishes  his  head  with  his  handker 
chief.']  Do  you  know  it's  an  awful  relief  not  to  have  to  wear 
that  wig  any  more  ?  I  always  felt  like  a  perambulating  tarra- 
diddle  while  I  had  it  on.  But  when  you  insisted  I  should  wear 
it  no  longer — since  I  had  won  you  without  it — I  felt  as  though  I 
could  do  anything  you  asked  me  in  return. 

Dosie.  It  was  a  duck  to  go  shopping  with  its  lovey-dovey. 
What  a  heavenly  day  we've  had.  A  girl  needs  so  many  things 
when  she's  going  to  get  married.  I  believe  I  look  a  perfect 
fright.  Am  I  too  red,  dear  ? 

Geagle.     [Back  towards  her.~]     I  guess  not. 

Dosie.  Oh!  yes  I  am.  [Takes  out  pocket-glass  and  powder- 
puff,  looks  around  at  Jon.']  You  can  tell  Mr.  Versus  we  are 
here. 

Jon.     Yes,  ma'am  !     [Exits,  shuffling^} 

Geagle.     I'm  rather  glad  the  lawyer  isn't  in. 

Dosie.  [Patting  his  chin.']  It  was  an  old  goosey,  and  now 
you  must  tell  me  what  you've  been  worried  about  all  day.  Don't 
deny  it.  I  saw  you  looking  very,  very  serious  several  times.  It 
wasn't  the  lobster  salad,  darling,  was  it  ? 

Geagle.     [  Gravely."]     No-o-o ! 

Dosie.     Tell  it's  sweetheart.     I  know  it  is  something. 

Deagle.     Well,  the  fact  is  we're  going  to  that  ball— 

Dosie.  Oh,  Geagle!  I've  got  my  domino  and  my  mask. 
We'll  have  a  lovely  time. 

Geagle.     Got  your  disguise  ? 

Dosie.     Yes !     You've  got  yours  ? 

Geagle.  Yes— do  you  want  to  see  it?  [Takes  a  false  nose 
from  his  pocket."]  There,  do  you  think  any  one  will  know  me 
with  that  on  ? 

Dosie.  Is  that  all  you  are  going  to  wear  ?  [He  looks  at  tier 
indignantly  and  then  turns  away."]  Well,  now  put  it  on,  and  let 
me  see  how  it  looks. 

Geagle.     No,  I  can't  put  it  on  now— somebody  might  come  in. 


42  NEEDLES   AND    PINS. 

Dosie.     Oh,  now.     I  want  to  see  you  in  it. 

Geagle.     There!     [Puts  nose  on.] 

Dosie.     You  shall  dance  the  first  quadrille  with  me. 

Geagle.  I  don't  know  the  first  quadrille.  I  never  danced  a 
quadrille  in  all  my  life. 

Dosie.  I  can  teach  you  in  one  lesson.  We'll  try  it  now. 
Nobody  will  see  us. 

Geagle.     Oh,  I'm  afraid !     The  lawyer  might  look  in. 

Dosie.  Just  look  at  me.  [Lifts  skirts  to  show  steps.~\  One, 
two,  three — one,  two,  three — one,  two,  three.  [Dances.] 

Geagle.  That  seems  easy  enough.  [Hitches  up  his  trousers 
and  tries  it.']  One,  two,  three — one,  two,  three —  [Kicks  his 
corn.]  Oh !  It's  no  use,  I  can't  manage  anything  but  a  horn 
pipe,  such  as  I  used  to  see  the  sailors  dance  on  the  stage  when  I 
was  a  boy. 

Dosie.     Well,  let's  try  one  now. 

Geagle.  What,  you  can't  dance  a  hornpipe?  [DosiE  nods.~] 
What  here? 

Dosie.     Yes,  nobody  will  see  us. 

Geagle.  No !  I'll  stand  around  with  the  rest  of  the  boys  in 
a  dress  suit  and  look  pretty.  I'll  be  a  wall  flower. 

Dosie.  But  just  a  little  hornpipe  now.  [GEAGLE,  after  some 
persuasion,  yields ;  they  dance.  JONAH  enters  at  beginning  and 
finally  does  some  steps  of  his  own  up  stage.  After  the  dance,  they 
drop  on  sofa  exhausted.  JON.  has  picked  up  all  the  books.] 

TOM  enters,  L.  D.,  at  end  of  dance,  L. 

Tom.     Well,  sir.     What  do  you  want  ?    [JoN.  runs  off,  L.  D.] 

Geagle.     [Crosses  to  him]     We  want  to  see  the  lawyer. 

Tom.  [  Walks  around  him  in  amazement.']  I'm  the  lawyer,  I 
suppose. 

Geagle.  [  Goes  to  him  and  whispers  in  his  ear.]  We  came  for 
the  papers. 

Tom.     [Getting  away  from  him.~\     What  papers? 

Geagle.  The  contract!  The  marriage  settlement!  [ToM 
looks  him  hard  in  the  face,  then  pulls  his  false  nose  down  and 
leaves  it  sticking  on  his  chin.] 

Tom.     Are  you  the  culprits  that  are  going  to  be  married? 

Geagle.  [  With  dignity  crosses  to  c]  Yes,  sir.  I  am  one,  and 
this  is  the  bride. 

Tom.  I  draw  no  more  marriage  settlements.  I  make  no 
more  creatures  wretched — you  a  grey-headed  man — 

Geagle.     Sir ! 

Tom.  [Snatching  his  hat  off]  Well,  then  a  no-headed — I 
mean  a  bald  headed  man — 


NEEDLES   AND   PINS.  43 

Dosie.     Oh ! 

Tom.  Whose  placid  countenance  has  been  petrified  by  the 
blessings  of  a  bachelor  life.  You —  [Steps  forward.  GEAGLE 
retreats  behind  Dosie]  You  give  into  the  hands  of  one  of  those 
creatures  called  woman —  [Crosses  to  c] 

Dosie.     Who  do  you  call  woman  ? 

Tom.  The  legal  power  to  disturb  your  holy  quietude  of  life, 
to  distort  the  serene  outlines  of  your  face  with  anger,  fright  and 
fear ;  to  rob  you  of  means — money,  friends,  freedom — everything. 
You  are  standing  on  the  brink  of  an  abyss.  Draw  back  before 
the  fatal  plunge.  [Crosses  to  L.] 

Dosie.  He  calls  me  an  abyss.  Help !  Oh !  [  Gives  a  shriek 
and  drops  in  a  heap,  supported  by  GEAGLE,  whose  clasp  has 
slipped  up  to  her  arm-pits. 1 

Geagle.  [Indignantly.]  Look  here — I  say — see  what  you've 
done.  [To  Dosie."]  Look  up,  my  darling!  Look  up.  [Tries 
to  lift  her.~\  This  is  a  nice  situation.  [  Gives  her  a  sudden  jerk.'] 
It's  no  go.  I  can't  lift  her.  [  To  Dosie,  with  a  shade  less  tender 
ness.]  Look  up!  [To  Tom.]  Young  man,  you've  got  this  lady 
on  your  conscience.  I  wish  you  had  her  on  your  back.  [Jerks 
at  Dosie  savagely  and  with  vigor]  Look  up!  [Gazes  over  into 
her  face]  I  believe  she's  dead.  Look  up! 

Tom.  Dead?  No  fear  of  that.  She  won't  die  before  she's 
married,  nor  afterwards. 

Geagle.     Look  up!     [Jerks  at  Dosie.]     Look  up!     Heavens 

'and  earth!     What  shall  I  do  with  her?    Look  up?     [ JONAH 

enters,  L.  D.,  and  gets  around  to  table,  R.     DOSIE  at  his  next  jerk 

suddenly  straightens  up  with  a  shriek  and  GEAGLE  throws  her  into 

Tom's  arms  and  falls  back  exhausted  against  Jonah.     TOM  throws 

Dosie  back  and  JONAH  throws  Geagle  back.     DOSIE  totters  to  and 

falls  in  chair,  GEAGLE  same] 


CURTAIN. 


44  NEEDLES   AND   PINS. 


ACT   III. 


SCENE. —  Garden,  decorated  for  the  masquerade  ball.  Flags, 
banners,  armorial  insignia,  exotics  in  tubs,  etc.  A  centre 
piece  of  plants  with  rustic  seat  around  it.  Music  distant;  loud 
when  no  one  on  scene  speaking.  Scene  opens  with  procession 
oj  maskers  R.  to  L.  and  off. 

MR.  VANDUSEN  discovered  in  evening  dress,  seated  c.,  eating  ice 
cream.     When  all  are  off  speaks. 

Vandusen.  If  I  were  not  so  apprehensive  as  to  what  is  coming, 
I'd  enjoy  myself  exceedingly  in  this  place.  It's  just  twenty-five 
years  since  I've  been  out  alone.  How  jolly  it  is — only  I  have  an 
occasional  hot  and  cold  change  when  I  remember  my  mysterious 
appointment  for  this  evening.  I'm  trying  to  keep  cool  on  a 
third  plate  of  cream.  I  believe  I'll  try  another. 

WAITER  appears,  L. 

Ah !  waiter !     Bring  me  another  cream. 

Waiter.     [Surprised,  Dutch  dialect.']     That's  three. 

Van.     I  suppose  you  have  got  another? 

Waiter.  Oh,  yes,  sir!  But  it's  lucky  you're  taking  yours 
now.  When  the  rush  commences — if  every  gent  orders  four 
plates — 

Van.  That's  why  I  get  all  I  can  at  present.  I  anticipate  the 
rush. 

Waiter     [Takes  dish.']     All  right,  sir !     [Exits,  L.] 

Van.  [Looks  around  uneasily."]  What  can  be  the  matter  ? 
[Takes  billet  doux  cautiously  from  his  pocket  and  reads."]  "  Dear 
Christopher : — I  must  see  you  once  more  before  I  die.  I  have 
something  of  the  utmost  importance  to  tell  you.  If  you  attach 
any  value  to  the  memories  of  the  past,  meet  me  at  the  masquerade 
to-night  between  11  and  12  near  the  supper  room.  Your  Silena." 
[Puts  billet  away.~]  The  poor  thing  must  be  very  much  changed. 
She  forgets  that  we  never  were  so  intimate  as  to  write  each  other 
as  "Dear  Christopher"  or  "Dear  Silena."  Well,  it's  twenty- 
five  years  ago  and  that  explains.  In  my  thoughts  she  was  always 


NEEDLES   AND   PINS.  45 

"  Dear  Silena."  [Looks  around.']  It's  extremely  fortunate  that 
my  wife  refused  positively  to  come.  I  will  take  the  occasion  to 
talk  seriously  to  Silena  and  insist  on  my  family's  account  that 
she  shall  not  address  me  in  the  future.  She  may  think  of  me  as 
much  as  she  pleases — I  have  nothing  to  say  against  that.  I 
think  of  her,  but  somewhat  as  I  think  of  my  youth,  as  something 
that  I  can  never  return  to. 

WAITER  enters,  L.,  with  cream. 

Waiter.     Here  you  are,  sir. 

Van.  [Paying^]  And  here's  your  money.  [WAITER  about 
to  exit.] 

TOM  VERSUS  enters,  R.  u.  E.,  in  evening  dress  and  stops  waiter. 

Tom.     Two  orange  ices  in  box  five — 

Waiter.     Box  five,  sir  ?     Yes,  sir.     [Exits,  L.] 

Tom.     [R.]     Ah !  Mr.  Vandusen.     How  do  you  do  ? 

Van.  [Eating.]  Mr.  Versus,  I  believe.  You  are  an  extra 
ordinary  attorney  and  counsellor-at-law  to  refuse  to  draw  up 
marriage  settlements. 

Tom.  Principle,  my  dear  sir.  As  far  as  my  experience  goes, 
marriage  is  a  short  lane,  with  a  wedding  at  one  end  and  a  divorce 
at  the  other.  I  cannot  conscientiously  assist  people  to  pay  so 
heavily  for  such  a  short  excursion.  [Crosses  to  L.]  By  the  way, 
I  suppose  the  happy  pair  are  here  this  evening  ? 

Van.  Oh,  certainly !  With  my  daughter.  They  are  in 
black  dominoes. 

Tom.  Like  everybody  else — there  are  fifty  black  dominoes 
here  to-night.  [WAITER  crosses  L.  to  R.  with  ice.]  How  do 
you  recognize  your  party  ? 

Van.  By  the  color  of  the  bouquets  in  their  collars,  white  and 
yellow  roses.  Miss  Silena's  is  white  and  Miss  Heffron's  is  yellow. 
[Laughs  and  winks.']  Got  yellow  by  lying  so  long  on  the  shelf. 

WAITER  enters,  R.,  and  crosses  to  L.,  VAN.  speaks  to  him. 

I  think  I'll  take  another  cream,  waiter! 

Waiter.     What  another!     All  right,  sir! 

Van.  [Imitating  him.]  Yes,  another!  I  feel  a  flush  in  the 
back  yet.  [Exits  after  waiter,  L.] 

Tom.  Black  domino  with  white  roses.  I  shall  find  it.  I'm 
a  changed  man  since  I  met  that  girl.  Can't  rest,  can't  sleep — 
see  her  everywhere.  Provoking,  refusing,  denying,  delightful 


46  NEEDLES    AND   PINS. 

May  morning.  I'll  have  to  give  in;  have  no  defence  against 
her  charms,  can't  demur,  don't  object,  and  she  takes  me  in  exe 
cution — body,  soul  and  senses.  [Exits,  R.  u.  E.] 

GEAGLE  without,  L. 

Geagle.  I  give  you  my  word  of  honor.  [Enters,  L.  u.  E.,  fol 
lowed  by  SERGEANT  OF  POLICE,  an  extremely  gentlemanly  official.] 
You  are  utterly  mistaken ;  I  did  not  intend  the  slightest  impro 
priety,  I  assure  you. 

Sergeant.  [L.,  looking  at  him  steadily]  Several  ladies  in 
masks  have  complained  about  it.  You  go  up  to  them  as  if  you 
were  about  to  whisper  something  and  then  kiss  them  on  the  ear. 

Geagle.  [Indignantly.]  Kiss  them  on  the  ear?  I  assure  you, 
Sergeant,  I  have  not  nursed  the  ruthless  passion  that  would  lead 
to  violence  of  that  description  for  a  great  number  of  years.  My 
intentions  were  wholly  mistaken.  The  facts  are  that  the  lady  I 
came  with  forgot  her  fan  and  sent  me  home  for  it.  I'm  looking 
for  her  that's  all.  It's  exceedingly  hard  to  pick  one  black  domino 
out  of  a  thousand.  I  thought  I  had  her  several  times,  but  on 
attempting  to  whisper  the  signal  agreed  on,  "Your  Nicholas  is 
here,"  I  found  I  had  caught  the  wrong  pig  by  the  ear. 

Serg.  It  sounds  exceedingly  flimsy,  Nicholas,  and  I  warn  you 
for  the  last  time,  that  if  I  hear  another  complaint  your  name 
will  be  taken  and  you  will  be  ejected  from  the  building — and 
don't  you  forget  it.  [Exits,  R.  1  E.] 

Geagle.  [  Wiping  his  forehead]  This  is  the  first  time  I  ever 
incurred  the  censure  of  the  police.  But  I  don't  care — somehow 
I  grow  desperate.  As  the  happy  day  approaches  I  feel  miserable. 
For  two  days  I've  been  dragged  around  the  city  like  a — like — a — 
Well,  the  only  creature  who  seemed  to  suffer  in  a  like  manner 
was  a  poodle — on  a  string — led  by  just  such  another  foolish  old — 
[Checks  himself,  blows  his  nose]  Well,  a  man  can't  make  a 
supreme  ass  of  himself  but  once  in  his  lifetime,  and  I've  done  it. 
Havn't  been  near  the  club  since  I  was  engaged — am  worked  like 
a  district  messenger  boy.  We  hardly  got  here  when  I  was  sent 
back  for  a  fan  she  forgot.  Walked  all  the  way  and  I'm  used  up. 
[$!&.]  It's  a  most  extraordinary  thing  that  a  woman  of  her  age 
should  try  to  imitate  the  airs  of  a  kitten.  I  don't  like  it — I  don't 
want  it.  If  I  wanted  a  kitten  I'd  have  gone  in  my  back  yard 
and  looked  on  the  fence  for  one.  I  selected  a  middle-aged 
person  and  she's  playing  fifteen  on  me. 

TOM  strolls  in  again,  R.  u.  E. 
Tom.     How  are  you,  Mr.  Geagle? 


NEEDLES   AND    PINS.  47 

Geagle  [Aside,  R.]  Here's  that  monkey  grinning  at  me  again. 
[Aloud.]  I'm  pretty  well! 

Tom.     Your  bride  is  not  dead  yet,  I  suppose? 

Geagle.     No,  sir !     She  got  over  it  finely. 

Tom.  [Looking  off,  L.]  I  should  say  so — she's  coming  this 
way  in  uncommon  spirits.  [Strolls  R.  in  arbor."] 

Geagle.  [Ande."}  If  she  comes  the  kitten  over  me  again,  I'll 
try  the  cat — and  we'll  come  to  the  scratch  in  no  time. 

DOSIE  enters  with  SILENA,  L.  u.  E.,  each  masked  and  with  black 
dominoes — as  they  enter  the  CAT  and  FROG  jump  up  and 
frighten  them — then  strut  off  arm  in  arm,  L.  DOSIE  wears 
a  bunch  of  yelloiv  roses  and  SIL.  white.  They  unmask  as  soon 
as  they  enter.  SIL.  stays  at  back  and  looks  L.  and  R.  as  if  in 
search  of  some  one. 

Dosie.  [Perceiving  Geagle,  comes  down  vexed.']  Where  have 
you  been  all  the  time,  Nicholas  ? 

Geagle.  [Sulkily,  L.]  I've  been  looking  for  you  half  an 
hour. 

Dosie.     Did  you  get  my  fan? 

Geagle.  [Draws  it  out  of  his  pocket — done  up  in  brown  paper. .] 
Here  it  is. 

Dosie.  [Unrolls  it  and  throws  paper  aivay  with  disgust.']  I 
wish  I  had  told  you  to  bring  my  bottle  of  salts.  I  declare,  I 
don't  know  what's  coming  to  me,  I  forget  so — but  you  can  go  for 
it  now. 

Geagle.  [R.]  Do  you  mean  to  say  I'm  to  go  back  to  the 
house  for  your  salts  again  ? 

Dosie.     [Loftily.']     You  hesitate? 

Geagle.  [Pause]  I'm  tired  to  death.  You  are  driving  me 
like  a  cart  horse.  [Sinks  on  seat,  c] 

Dosie.  [Instantly  beginning  to  wheedle  and  patting  his  cheek.~\ 
Excuse  it's  ducky  darling — she's  so  excited.  The  happiness  of 
being  your  wife  makes  her  forget  everything  and  everybody  but 
you.  You  drive  me  into  wandering,  you  naughty  man.  [  Geagle 
evidently  begins  to  relent]  You  will  go  for  your  deary— deary 
—poor  little  bridy — pidy — and  get  the  botty  of  salts — won't 
oo? 

Geagle.  [Rising.']  If  you  talk  like  that,  I  don't  mind  going 
anywhere.  Where  is  it  ?  What's  it  like  ?  Big  bottle  ? 

Dosie.     No,  little.     You'll  know  it   by  the  smell,  darling— 

g  \VGCt 

Geagle.  [Going,  L.]  I'll  know  it  by  the  smell— all  right. 
I'll  be  back  as  soon  as  I  can.  [Aside— buttons  coat.]  On  my 


48  NEEDLES    AND    PINS. 

way  back,  I'll  stop  in  at  the  club  and  have  a  little  hot  spiced 
Jamaica,  I  really  need  something  to  brace  me  up.     [Exits,  L.  1  E.] 

TOM  enters  rapidly,  having  perceived  SIL.,  who  puts  on  her  mask 
and  comes  down — he  hovers  about  trying  to  speak  to  her. 

Dosie.     Where  can  your  father  be,  Silena  ? 

Silena.     [R.]     I  don't  know,  aunty. 

Tom.  [Coming  down.~\  He's  in  the  supper-room — I — if  you'll 
allow — 

Dosie.  [Measures  Tom  with  a  withering  look,  and  moves  to  L.] 
Come,  child.  [ As  she  is  about  to  exit,  the  FROG,  CAT  and  CLOWN 
run  on  and  frighten  her.  SERGEANT  enters  and  arrests  Clown  and 
Frog.  CAT  has  gone  R.  He  marches  prisoners,  crosses  to  R. 
CLOWN  escapes — he  seizes  Cat  by  the  tail  and  lugs  Cat  and  Frog 
off,  R.  CLOWN  takes  his  hat  and  club  and  marches  off,  L.  1  E.] 
DOSIE  off.l 

Tom.  [Stopping  Sil.]  Beautiful  lady,  let  me  entreat  a  word 
with  you. 

Sil.  [Assuming  a  false  voice  and  angry  tone.~\  Don't  be  so 
familiar  with  me,  sir. 

Tom.  Familiar  ?  Why,  this  is  a  masquerade — everything's 
fair. 

Sil.     I  forbid  you  to  use  such  freedom  with  me. 

Tom.    Why  do  you  treat  me  so  coolly  ? 

Sil.  [Sits  c.]  The  millionaire  young  lady  you  proposed  to 
set  me  the  example. 

Tom.  [Sits  R.  of  Sil.']  You  are  unjust.  Miss  Forrest  had 
some  excuse.  I  renounced  her  half  million  for  your  sake.  And 
this  is  how  you  appreciate  the  sacrifice. 

Sil.  What  assurance !  There  never  was  such  a  brazen  law 
yer  before. 

Tom.     Do  you  always  speak  the  truth  ? 

Sil.     Always. 

Tom.  Then  tell  me — didn't  you  come  to  this  ball  solely  on 
my  account? 

Sil.  I  never  thought  of  you.  [Hangs  her  head  as  he  looks  at 
herJ] 

Tom.  You  are  indeed  a  miracle  of  truthfulness.  Such  a 
candid — honest — and  frank  girl  is  hard  to  find. 

Sil.  [Tormented.']  You  are  unbearable.  [Rises.~]  I  wish 
you  would  go. 

Tom.     So  you  really  want  to  have  nothing  to  do  with  me  ? 

Sil.     I  don't  ever  want  to  know  you. 

Tom.     All  right.     We  shall  see  which  sticks  to  his  colors  long- 


NEEDLES   AND    PINS.  49 

est.  For  my  part,  from  this  moment,  I  intend  to  do  all  in  my 
power  for  you.  I  will  go  to  your  father  and  mother — to  your 
father  then  your  mother— no — first  to  your  mother  and  after 
wards  to  your  father  [SiL.  gets  impatient.'}  and  ask  them  for 
your  hand. 

Sil.  [Angrily. ~]  Do  you  call  that  doing  something  for  me. 
[Crosses  to  R.]  1  wish  you  would  leave  off  jesting. 

Tom.  You  surprise  me.  Call  marriage  a  jesting  matter? 
But  never  mind,  my  programme  is  laid  out.  First  your  brother 
shall  be  made  happy. 

Sil.     My  brother  ? 

Tom.  Yes.  I  have  a  little  plan  that  I  intend  to  pwt  in 
operation  immediately.  Then  you — 

Sil.     [Mock  seriousness.]     Do  think  of  yourself  a  little. 

Tom.  I  only  covet  the  satisfaction  of  doing  good.  [Laughs.] 
Au  revoir  !  We  shall  meet — at  the  altar.  [Exits,  R.] 

Sil.  His  defects  are  a  certain  obtrusiveness  and  persistence; 
but  apart  from  them  I  can't  deny  he  is  clever  and  funny — and 
you  can't  get  angry  with  him.  Just  as  you  begin  to,  he  gets  you 
so  interested  that  you  Want  to  know  what  he's  got  to  say,  and 
then  he  comes  out  with  more  impudence  and  makes  you  mad, 
and  then  begins  to  talk  again ;  and  so  it  goes  on  and  on  in  such 
a  whirl  that  when  he's  gone  its  quite  dull  and  stupid.  Heigh 
ho!  he  manages  to  have  his  own  way,  so  that  if  he  insists  on 
marrying  me,  I  think  he  will.  [The  CAT,  close  behind  her,  R., 
meows  in  her  ear.  She  turns  in  fright,  L.,  the  FROG  jumps  at  her. 
CLOWN  drives  them  both  off,  R.] 

DOSIE  enters  unmasked,  L. 

Dosie.  Why  didn't  you  come.  I've  had  an  ice.  It  was  so 
refreshing. 

Sil.  I  wanted  to  rest  here.  [Rises]  You  know,  aunt,  that 
in  spite  of  our  masks,  a  great  many  people  know  us. 

Dosie.  Why,  did  you  mean  to  remain  unknown  ?  I  don't 
think  that's  the  object  of  a  masquerade,  at  all. 

Sil.     But  where's  the  mystification  and  the  fun,  then  ? 

Dosie.     Do  you  want  to  mystify  anybody  ? 

Sil.  Certainly.  And  if  you'll  make  an  exchange  with  me,  I 
think  I  can. 

Dosie.     AVhat  exchange,  my  dear? 

Sil.  [Takes  off  her  roses]  Take  my  white  roses  and  give  me 
vour  yellow  ones. 

Dosie.     With  the  greatest  pleasure.     [In  affected  tone.]     The 

4 


50  NEEDLES   AND   PINS. 

perfume  of  this  yellow  rose  is  rather  strong  for  my  poor  nerves. 
[Exchanges  bouquets  with  Sil] 

Sil.  [Fastening  hers  on.~\  Mr.  Geagle  will  know  you,  any 
way. 

Dosie.  Oh,  I  don't  care  for  that.  I  shall  enjoy  myself  flit 
ting  from  flower  to  flower.  He  can  have  his  fun  flitting  after 
me. 

Sil.     He  will  be  very  happy  when  you're  married. 

Dosie.  He  ?  Oh,  certainly.  But  shall  I  be  happy  ?  I 
begin  to  fear  he's  too  old  for  me.  [/Sighs,  crosses  to  L.] 

SU.     Somebody  is  coming.     [Both  mask] 

* 

TOM  enters,  R.,  running,  crosses  to  C.,  stops,  looks  at  both  dresses, 
and  then  to  Dosie,  offering  arm. 

Tom.  I've  found  your  brother,  and  I've  found  Mary.  He's 
all  right.  And  I've  put  my  little  plan  in  motion.  Let's  go  and 
watch  them  make  up.  [DosiE  throws  an  indignant  glance  at  him 
and  goes  up — is  met  by  Mephistofeles.  She  takes  his  arm  and  exits, 

R.  U.  E.] 

Sil.  [Patting  her  hand  through  his  arm  and  holding  him 
tightly  while  he  looks  after  Dosie,  and  in  assumed  voiced]  Won't 
you  stay  with  me  ?  I  ve  no  one  to  talk  to. 

Tom.  [Aside.]  The  aunt !  Bah !  [J7<md.]  You  must 
excuse  me.  I  have  something  particular  to  say  to  your  com 
panion. 

Sil.     Do  you  know  her  ? 

Tom.     I  am  happy  to  say  I  do. 

Sil.     You  are  in  love  with  her  ? 

Tom.     It's  natural  I  should  be. 

Sil.     Why,  she  is  a  mere  child  ! 

Tom.     Old  age  is  no  especial  recommendation. 

Sil.     Do  you  mean  that  as  a  fling  at  me  ? 

Tom.  Geagle's  looking  for  you.  He'll  be  jealous.  [Crosses 
to  R] 

SU.  Never  mind,  I  want  to  keep  you  away  from  my  little 
niece.  You'll  be  turning  her  head. 

Tom.     I  wish  I  could. 

Sil.     Answer  me— do  you  intend  to  marry  her? 

Tom.  I  suppose  it'll  have  to  come  to  that.  As  I  would  go 
through  fire  and  water  for  your  niece,  I  don't  see  why  I  shouldn't 
go  through  matrimony  for  her.  [Runs  off,  R.  1  E.] 

Sil.  [Clapping  her  hands.]  He  loves  me.  [Suddenly]  But 
I'll  tease  him  a  little.  He's  very  easily  spoiled,  and  must  be 
managed  with  great  care,  if  I  expect  to  train  him  for  a  hus 
band.  [Exits  in  arbor,  L.  1  E.] 


NEEDLES   AND    PINS.  51 

Music,  and  MASQUERS  enter  for  quadrille  and  nursery-rhymes, 
after  which,  when  all  are  off,  MARY  FORREST  enters,  R.  u.  E., 
letter  in  hand,  removes  mask,  looks  hurriedly  about,  replaces 
mask  as  KIT  VANDUSEN  enters  as  if  following  her,  with  a 
letter  in  his  hand.  He  looks  at  his  letter  then  at  her.  She 
same.  She  wears  a  black  domino.] 

Duet  [from  Boccacio']. 

Strange  request  indeed,  and  unexpected, 
Yet  methinks  the  author  I've  detected, 
Something  tells  my  beating  heart 
We  are  not  far  apart, 
I  know  we  are 
On  this — the  spot  selected. 
If  I  rudely  shun  the  proffered  meeting, 
She'll  mistake  my  reasons  for  retreating ; 
When  in  truth  my  only  fear 
Is  that  the  writer  is  not  here. 
What  can  it  be 
,    He  wants  with  me  ? 
Here  lie  adjures  me 
To  come  — and  assures  me 
Something  of  weight 
He  has  to  state. 

This  puzzles  me — what  can  it  be  ? 
'Tis  he  (she)  what  delight, 
I  knew  I  was  right, 
I'm  in  such  a  fright. 
Yes,  'tis  he  (she), 
Oh,  yes,  it  is  she  (he). 
What  delight  your  kindness  to-night, 
How  can  I  requite. 
I'm  here  as  you  see, 
What  can  he  have  to  say,  etc. 

[After  the  .duet  they  sit  back,  c.] 

Kit.  [R.]  First,  let  me  thank  you  for  this  opportunity  of 
speaking  with  you  alone. 

Mary.     I  am  perfectly  willing  to  hear  all  you  have  to  say. 

Kit.  A  last  interview  was  indispensable  to  us,  whose  friend 
ship  began  so  happily  and  ended  so  abruptly. 

Mary.  I  am  glad  to  hear  you  admit  that  it's  at  an  end.  It 
saves  us  much  trouble. 

Kit.  Yes,  it's  at  an  end.  All  we  have  to  do  now  is  to  look 
back.  I  was  weak  to  yield  to  my  mother's  wishes.  I  sinned 
against  my  affections  and  my  convictions.  But  I  have  the  right 
to  show  you  that  a  majority  of  the  world  would  have  approved 
my  act.  How  many  women  have  married  so. 


52  NEEDLES   AND   PINS. 

Mary.  This  is  the  difference  in  the  cases.  Women  have  often 
nothing  but  marriage  to  depend  on.  Men  have  themselves. 
[Mask  on] 

G EAGLE  enters,  L.  u.  E.,  coat  collar  turned  up,  pants  turned  up, 
rubber  overshoes,  too  large  for  him,  very  smiling. 

Geagle.  Back  again !  [Smacks  his  lips."}  That  hot  spiced 
Jamaica  really  did  me  good.  I  took  three  of  'em.  It  was 
freezing  cold,  and  now  it's  glowing.  [Sees  Mary.]  There  she 
is.  I'll  whisper  the  signal  in  her  ear.  [Manoeuvres  around 
behind  her.  While  doing  so  the  I^ERGEANT  OF  POLICE  enters,  L., 
evidently  following  GEAGLE,  watches  him,  his  hands  behind  him.] 

Geagle.     [Sending  down,  whispers.]     Nicholas  is  here. 

Mary.     [Starting  up]     What  ? 

Kit.     [jtising  and  down  c]     What  do  you  want? 

Geagle.     [Alarmed]     It's  not  Dosie  ! 

Kit.     What  do  you  mean,  sir.     [He  and  MARY  go  to  seat,  c] 

Geagle.  This  is  simply  devilish.  This  makes  half  a  dozen 
mistakes  since  I  came  in. 

Sergeant.  [Advancing,  R.]  Now  I  guess  I'll  stop  your  little 
game.  [GEAGLE  turns,  horrified]  It  won't  work  any  longer. 
I  spotted  you  myself,  and  I  see  what  you're  up  to. 

Geagle.  [R.  c.,  after  looking  at  him  in  a  dazed  manner,  draws 
the  flacon  of  salts  from  his  pocket,  removes  stopper  and  mechanically 
takes  a  whiff.  It  staggers  him]  Ach!  Ugh!  Oh!  [Holds 
bottle  out  at  arms  length  toward  Serg.] 

Serg.  [Looks  at  bottle]  What's  all  this  ?  [  Takes  a  sniff  that 
nearly  lifts  his  head  off]  Ugh  !  Ach  !  Oh  !  Cork  it !  Cork 
it !  [GEAGLE  corks  it  at  arms  length]  That's  a  healthy  drug 
to  carry  concealed  on  your  person.  Why  it  would  blow  the 
door  off  an  iron  safe.  [Stage,  R.,  draws  club] 

Geagle.  She  said  I'd  know  it  by  the  smell.  It's  only  smelling 
salts.  The  lady  I'm  engaged  to  forgot  'em,  and  sent  me  back. 

Serg.  [Collars  him.]  The  old  game  again.  It's  T.  T.,  old 
man,  you'll  just  come  with  me  to  the  office. 

Geagle.  [Frightened]  Are  you  going  to  run  me  in  ?  [  To 
Kit]  Kit,  tell  him  I'm  a  respectable  person. 

Serg.     [  To  Kit]     Do  you  know  this  party  ? 

Kit.     [Advancing]     Yes,  he  intends  to  become  my  uncle. 

Serg.  Then  you  must  both  come  with  me,  if  you  want  to  get 
him  out  to-night. 

Geagle.  It's  the  first  time  I  was  ever  collared  by  a  policeman. 
I  deserve  it.  A  man  of  my  age  to  get  married.  "  Needles  and 
pins,  needles  and  pins,  when  a  man  marries  his  trouble  begins." 


NEEDLES    AND    PINS.  53 

Needles  and  pins!  Egad!  Handcuffs  and  jails.  [To  Serg.] 
You  needn't  hold  me  up  by  the  collar-band.  [SERG.  release*.] 
I'll  go  anywhere.  [Tarns  down  his  collar  and  pants,  and  seen 
rubbers.]  These  are  not  my  rubbers.  I  must  have  changed 
with  somebody  by  mistake.  [Hand*  them  to  Serg."]  Sergeant, 
these  are  not  my  rubbers,  take  them  to  the  Club,  will  you. 
[  The  SERG.  threatens.'] 

Kit.  [To  Mary,  aside.]  Wait  for  me,  I  entreat  you.  I  shall 
be  back  immediately.  Come,  uncle.  [Takes  his  arm  and  hur 
ries  him  off,  L.  -u.  E.,  impetuously,  SERG.  following  rapidly. 
Music.] 

Mary.  [Unmasking.]  No.  I  will  not  remain.  It  will  end 
by  my  yielding  against  my  own  convictions.  [Looks  round] 
This  is  my  opportunity.  I  can  regain  the  box.  [Exits,  R.] 

DOSIE  enters,  R.,  nervously,  unmasked. 

Dosie.  Nicholas  does  not  return,  and  Mr.  Versus  pursues  me 
like  my  shadow.  He  pours  the  most  ardent  proposals  into  my 
ear  with  a  passion,  an  impulse,  an  eloquence  that  carry  all  before 
them.  Oh,  Geagle,  Geagle,  why  did  you  leave  your  Dosie  so 
long.  There  is  danger,  Geagle.  [&'/«.]  I  would  like  to  find 
out  if  he  knows  who  I  am.  It  seems  as  if  he  did,  though  I 
refused  to  answer  his  entreaties.  [Sighs.]  If  I  had  not  accepted 
Geagle  so  precipitately.  But  I'm  not  married  yet.  It's  not  too 
late.  [Pats  on  mask.] 

KIT  re-enters,  L.  u.  E.,  sees  Dosie,  mistakes  her  for  Mary. 

Kit.  Still  here,  my  darling?  [Sits  beside  her.]  Thanks,  a 
thousand  thanks.  This  is  a  token  that  you  forgive  me.  I  so 
accept  it.  [Seizes  her  hand.] 

Dosie.     [Aside.]     My  nephew.     [Pulls  her  hand  away.] 

Kit.     Don't  rob  me  of  all  hope. 

MR..  VANDUSEN  enters,  L.  1  E. 

Kit.  [Rising.]  Father,  join  your  prayers  to  mine.  You 
were  the  innocent  cause  of  my  distress,  help  me  to  regain  this 
angel. 

Vandusen.  [Sitting  on  R.  of  her.]  My  dear,  it  is  your  duty 
to  pardon.  My  son  loves  you.  Don't  throw  away  an  honest  heart, 
or  you  may  fare  like  my  old  sister-in-law,  who  got  so  ancient  and 
was  so  afraid  of  dying  an  old  maid,  that  she  took  up  at  last  with 
a  bald-headed  bachelor.  [DosiE  bounces  on  seat.  KIT  and 
VAN.  each  take  one  of  her  hands  ] 


54  NEEDLES   AND    PINS. 

Kit.     Oh,  speak,  dearest. 

Van.     Say  you  forgive. 

Dosie.  [Jumping  up  and  tearing  off  her  .mask]  Yes,  I'll 
speak !  I'll  forgive  you  !  Whom  do  you  take  me  for? 

Kit.  [Rising  quickly. 1  Aunt  Dosie!  I  beg  pardon.  I 
thought  it  was  Mary.  [Huns  to  R.]  Where  has  she  gone  ? 
[Exits,  R.  2  E.] 

Dosie.  [Turns  to  Van.,  who  looks  at  her  puzzled.]  Your  "old 
sister-in-law."  Thank  you.  You  will  please  to  remember  that 
I  am  the  younger  sister  of  your  wife,  and  that  in  a  few  days  I 
shall  be  a  young  bride.  [Replaces  mask  and  exits  skipping,  L.  1  E.] 

Van.  [Solus.]  If  she  could  poison  me  now,  she'd  do  it. 
These  confounded  black  dominoes  look  so  like  one  another. 
[Rising  and  looking  at  watch]  The  hour  of  the  rendezvous, 
twelve  o'clock,  is  past  and  Silena  has  not  come.  She  has 
thought  better  of  it.  Concluded  to  stay  at  home  and  go  to  bed. 
Sensible  woman.  I  think  I'll  try  a  piece  of  cake.  If  she's  not 
here  by  the  time  I  finish  it,  I'll  go  home  and  go  to  bed  too. 
[Exits,  L.  1  E.] 

GEAGLE  and  SERGEANT  enter,  L.  u.  E. 

Sergeant.  I  hope  this  warning  will  do  you  good.  Don't  try 
that  manoeuvre  on  again.  We  have  strict  orders  to  stamp  out 
the  least  impropriety. 

Geagle.  I'm  actually  afraid  now  to  stir  a  step  in  search  of 
my  future  bride.  The  first  time  I  think  I've  got  her  there'll  be 
an  impropriety,  and  you'll  want  to  stamp  me  out. 

Serg.  You'd  better  come  with  me,  then.  I'll  help  you  to 
look  her  up.  [Crosses  to  R.] 

Geagle.  [Takes  his  arm]  You're  an  angel.  A  blue-coated 
and  brass-buttoned  angel.  You  ought  to  be  Superintendent. 
Honest,  now.  Haven't  you  often  thought  so  yourself? 

Serg.     Well,  yes. 

Geagle.     [Aside]     I  knew  it!     They  all  do. 

Serg.  But,  I  say,  arn't  you  afraid  of  your  friends  seeing  you 
walking  with  me? 

G eagle.  No.  You  are  much  superior  to  the  average  of  the 
force.  Besides,  you  haven't  got  me,  I've  got  you.  That  makes 
all  the  difference.  [Exeunt,  R.  2  E.  Music.] 

MRS.  VANDTJSEN  enters  in  black  domino,  mask  in  hand.     Looks 
around  cautiously. 

Mrs.  Vandusen.  It's  dreadfully  warm,  and  I'm  so  frightened. 
Will  he  keep  the  appointment  I  madein  the  letter.  He  received 


NEEDLES   AND   PINS.  55 

it.  I  know  that,  for  I  searched  his  pockets  last  night.  The 
serpent,  to  sleep  with  that  letter  and  never  tell  me.  So  far  my 
suspicions  are  correct.  He  is  capable  of  deceiving  me.  I  shall 
not  force  his  secret.  I'll  discover  who  that  daughter  is.  Then 
let  him  beware.  Some  one  is  coming. 


MR.  VANDUSEN  enters,  L.  1  E.,  in  good  humor,  watch  in  hand. 

Vandusen.  Time's  up,  and  she  won't  come.  Notwithstanding 
that  last  cake,  I  feel  as  light  and  happy  — 

Mrs.  V.     [Lays  her  hand  on  his  shoulder.]     Hist  ! 

Van.  [Startled.']  Who's  that?  [Turns.]  Here  she  is! 
[Crosses  to  Rj 

Mrs.  V.     [Assumed  voice.]     Christoper!     Dear  Christopher! 

Van.  [Aside]  How  her  voice  has  changed  !  [Aloud.] 
Madam,  permit  me  to  correct  you.  I  am  not  your  "  Dear  Chris 
topher,"  and  I  am  willing  to  believe  you  are  laboring  under  an 
hallucination. 

Mrs.  V.  [Aside.]  He  seems  very  cool.  [Aloud]  Oh  !  how 
you  have  changed,  Christopher. 

Van.  Yes,  I  have  grown  old,  and  I  hope  you  have  learned 
how  to  do  so.  If  not,  I  pity  you  from  my  heart. 

Mrs.  V.     Have  you  forgotten  the  past  ? 

Van.  By  no  means.  Let  us  sit  down  and  talk  about  it. 
[  They  sit,  c.]  How  have  you  been  all  the  while  ? 

Mrs.  V.     Well  and  ill—  as  fate  used  me.     Often  ill,  very  ill. 

Van.     I'm  sorry  for  that. 

Mrs.  V.  And  these  twenty-five  years,  in  which  we  have  not 
met,  how  have  they  passed  with  you  ? 

Van.  Better  than  I  could  have  hoped.  I  did  my  duty  ;  a  re 
flection  that  consoled  me  when  I  thought  once  my  heart  would 
break. 

Mrs.  V.     But  you  married  ? 

Van.     Yes. 

Mrs.  V.     Have  you  been  happy? 

Van.     Much  more  than  I  deserved. 

Mrs.  V.     Indeed! 

Van.  Yes,  I  learned  to  respect  and  honor  my  wife,  who  was 
worthy  of  the  most  devoted  love.  Our  children  were  born.  I 
doated  on  them.  I  confess  that  you  would  have  been  forgotten, 
Silena,  utterly  forgotten,  but  that  sometimes,  in  spite  of  myself, 
the_t'he—  temper  of  my  wife—  her  habit  of  command—  forced  me 
to  recall  your  patient  gentleness.  [Siffhs.]  Ah,  well  ! 
is  perfect. 

Mrs.  V.     [Aside]     What  do  I  hear! 


56  NEEDLES   AND   PINS. 

Van,  [Brightening.]  I  hope  you  are  not  hurt  at  the  frank 
avowal  of  my  contentment  ? 

Mrs.  V.  And  you  could  be  contented,  knowing  of  the  burden 
you  left  me  to  bear. 

Van.     \_Astonished.~]    Burden  !    Our  separation  was  your  wish. 

Mrs.  V.     But  the  consequences. 

Van.     What  consequences  ? 

Mrs.  V.     You  forget  our  daughter. 

Van.     [Jumping  up.]     Our  daughter? 

Mrs.  V.  [  Wringing  her  hands.]  Oh,  Christopher !  Christo 
pher  !  [Buries  her  head  in  her  hands.] 

Van.  [_Aside  at  L.,  keenly]  This  is  some  impostor,  trying  to 
blackmail.  [Aloud.]  Give  me  your  arm,  Silena. 

Mrs.  V.  [Rises  and  puts  her  arm  in  his.  He  draws  it  through 
and  holds  it  securely.]  Where  do  you  want  to  take  me  ?  Oh, 
you  are  squeezing  me. 

Van.     I  am  afraid  of  losing  you — come.     [Moves,  L.] 

Mrs.  V.     But  where  to  ? 

Van.  To  that  little  office  just  over  there,  where  you  see  sev 
eral  police  officers.  They  will  be  most  happy  to  make  your  ac 
quaintance,  you  impostor ! 

Mrs.  V.     Impostor! 

Van.  Yes !  You  are  not  Silena  Summers — a  woman  as  spot 
less,  as  stainless  as  snow,  who  joined  the  purity  of  womanhood  to 
the  talents  of  a  man,  and  the  courage  of  a  hero.  No — no,  so  just 
come  with  me. 

Mrs.  V.     [Struggling.]     Oh  !  sir !  please  let  me  go. 

Van.  [Stopping.]  I  will  let  you  go  on  one  condition.  Take 
off  your  mask. 

Mrs.  V.     Never! 

Van.  I  intend  to  know  with  whom  I  have  the  pleasure  of 
conversing,  here  or  at  the  office. 

Mrs.  V.  [Threateningly.]  Don't  pull  me,  sir,  or  I  will  cry 
fire.  Do  you  want  to  create  a  disturbance  ? 

Van.     No,  I  only  wish  to  know  who  you  are. 

Mrs.  V.  [In  frenzy.]  Let  me  go,  or  I'll  do  something  dread 
ful  ! 

Van.  [Struggling  with  her.]  You've  done  all  the  dreadful 
you're  likely  to  do  for  a  long  time.  If  some  one  would  come  ? 

TOM  enters,  R. 

My  dear  sir,  come  here. 

Tom.  [R.]  What  is  it  ?  What !  trying  to  detain  a  lady 
against  her  will  ?  You  are  going  too  far,  even  for  a  masquerade. 


NEEDLES   AND   PINS.  57 

Mrs.  V.     [c.]     Yes,  that's  what  he's  doing. 

Van.  This  is  no  masquerade  affair,  my  friend.  [Laughs.] 
It's  a  masked  battery  I've  taken  by  assault. 

Tom.     I  don't  understand. 

Van.     Will  you  get  me  an  officer  ? 

Tom.     Is  it  possible ! 

Van.  Or  will  you  do  me  the  favor  to  hold  this  person  till  I 
get  one  ?  The  peace  of  my  future  life  depends  on  my  seeing  her 
face.  Hold  her  till  I  get  back,  and  I'll  do  anything  you  ask. 

Tom.     Anything  I  ask  ? 

Van.     Yes.     You  have  my  word. 

Tom.     Hand  her  over. 

Van.  Take  hold — so — so —  [Transfers  the  imprisoned  arm 
to  Tom.~\  But  hold  tight,  or  she'll  get  away.  Now,  my  interest 
ing  domino,  we'll  invoke  the  aid  of  the  authorities  to  investigate 
you  and  your  "daughter."  [Exits,  L.] 

Mrs.  V.  [To  Tom.~\  Oh,  sir,  I  pray — I  entreat  you,  let  me 
go  before  he  gets  back. 

Tom.  Didn't  you  just  hear  me  promise  to  do  nothing  of  the 
kind? 

Mrs.  V.     The  peace  of  ray  future  life  depends  upon  it. 

Tom.  So  does  his.  The  peace  of  one  future  life  is  as  good  as 
the  peace  of  another  future  life.  So  I  think  that  I'd  better  leave 
things  in  statu  quo. 

Mrs.  V.     I'll  scream.     I'll  faint. 

Tom.     Faint  by  all  means.     We'll  see  your  face,  then. 

Mrs.  V.     You  are  a  monster. 

Tom.  [Struck.']  Your  voice  sounds  very  familiar.  Have  I 
ever  done  business  for  you  ? 

Mrs.  V.     Oh !  you  know  me  very  well. 

Tom.  Do  I— what  was  it— shoplifting — blackmailing — per 
jury? 

Mrs.  V.    What  in  Heaven's  name  do  you  take  me  for  ? 

Tom.  Not  guilty,  of  course.  Do  you  know  that  I  begin  to 
feel  quite  an  interest — 

Mrs.  V.     Give  me  some  proof  of  it.     Release  me. 

Tom.  Show  me  your  face— tell  me  everything,  then,  perhaps, 
I  can  do  something. 

Mrs.  V.    I  consent,  but  in  the  strictest  confidence.    [  Unmasks.] 

Tom.  [Starts,  and  aside.']  The  alleged  widow  !  And  engaged 
in  an  altercation  with  her  alleged  deceased  husband. 

Mrs.  V.     Well ! 

Tom.  [Aside.']  If  I  let  her  go,  he'll  be  furious.  If  I  don't, 
she'll  be  furious.  Either  way  I  make  an  enemy.  And  I  want 
that  alleged  daughter.  [Aloud.']  What  was  the  disturbance 
about  ? — perhaps — 


58  NEEDLES    AND    PINS. 

.  Mrs.  y.  I  cannot  explain.  But  if  my  husband  discovers  me 
I  am  lost.  He  will  never  forgive  my  suspicion  and  my  attempt 
to  impose  on  him.  Let  me  go  and  you  may  rely  on  my  life-long 
gratitude.  [Music.] 

Tom.  Madam,  I'll  venture  my  happiness  on  a  single  word. 
I  love  your  daughter. 

Mrs.  V.     Let  me  go — and  we'll  see. 

Tom.     May  I  count  on  your  assistance  ? 

Mrs.  V.     You  may — 

Tom.  [Rapidly,  and  looking  off,  c.]  She  is  coming  now.  Will 
you  leave  me  here  with  her — alone  ? 

Mrs.  V.     [Joyfully."]     With  the  greatest  pleasure. 

Tom.     You  are  free. 

Mrs.  F.  [Masking.']  Was  ever  anything  so  fortunate.  [Hur 
ries  off,  R.  1  E.] 

DOSIE  enters,  mask  in  hand,  L. 

Dosie.  I  cannot  find  Nicholas.  Once  I  thought  I  saw  him  in 
a  secluded  corner  drinking  from  a  champagne  bottle  in  company 
with  a  person  in  blue  clothes  ;  but  it  must  have  been  fancy.  [Sees 
Tom  and  masks.]  That  young  man  again. 

Tom.  [  Goes  to  her,  clasps  her  waist  and  hand.]  My  own  ! 
[Brings  her  down]  Don't  avoid  me.  [Overcomes  her  faint 
struggles.]  We  must  talk  together  earnestly  and  seriously,  for 
our  union  is  no  longer  a  matter  of  doubt  if  you  but  consent. 

Dosie.     Heavens ! 

Tom.     [Leads  her  to  seat,  c.,  sit]     Listen  to  me. 

Dosie.     [Aside]     Oh,  Nicholas  !  where  are  you? 

Tom.     You  must  be  mine. 

Dosie.     No !     No ! 

Tom.  Don't  be  frightened.  I  am  not  so  bad.  To  offset  the 
few  faults  we  share  in  common,  I  have  good  nature,  good  temper, 
sincerity,  devotion,  tenderness,  a  loving  heart  aud  a  thoroughly 
good  disposition.  These  are  little  ;  but  add  passsion,  the  adora 
tion  I  feel  for  you,  and  it  is  no  unworthy  homage  I  lay  at  your 
feet. 

Dosie.     [Aside]     He  loves  me.     I  am  sure  of  it. 

Tom.  I  have  the  best  reasons  for  believing  your  family  will 
not  oppose  our  union.  It  is  for  you  to  whisper — to  breathe — to 
look  that  yes  I  long  for. 

Dosie.     Oh  !  spare  me. 

Tom.     Your  answer,  dearest! 

Dosie.     Impossible. 


NEEDLES   AND    PINS.  59 

Tom.  You  cannot  speak.  Then  give  me  a  token,  a  sign  that 
you  feel  for  me,  that  you  pity  me. 

Dosie.     [  Gives  him  her  white  rose.]     Here ! 
Tom.     Emblem  of  your  freshness  and  innocence ! 
Dosie.     [Suddenly,  throws  her  arms  around  him.~\     Oh  ! 
Tom.     My  own — forever !     [  Clasps  her  in  his  arms.'] 

VANDUSEN,   GEAGLE   and  SERGEANT   OF   POLICE    enter, 
L.  u.  E. 

Vandusen.     Just  look  how  he  has  to  hold  her. 

Geagle.  [Pretty  tight.']  That's  right,  Blackstone,  hold  her 
tight.  You  don't  get  such  a  prize  every  day.  What  a  thoroughly 
wicked-looking  person  she  is  even  under  that  disguise. 

Dosie.  [Aside  and  steps  forward]  Geagle  here!  What  will 
he  say  ?  [Falls  back  on  seat.] 

Van.     [Alarmed  ]     Hold  her ! 

Geagle.     [Springs  at  her.]   Would  you?    [Turns  up  his  cuffs] 

Tom.  [  To  Van.]  Don't  be  alarmed.  This  lady  will  not  run 
away. 

Sergeant.     [L.,  to  Van]     What  do  you  want  me  to  do? 

Van.  I  wish  the  lady  to  unmask.  I  must  know  who  she  is, 
because  she  has  ventured  to  make  an  accusation  as  false  as  it  is 
insulting. 

Dosie.     [Astonished.]     I  ? 

Tom.     [To  Van]     It  was  all  a  joke. 

Van.     [Crosses  to  c]     I  don't  take  such  jokes. 

Geagle.  [Slaps  Van.'s  shoulder]  I  approve  my  friend  Van- 
dusen's  course.  We  want  the  facts. 

Van.     [  Testily]     Yes — yes — 

Geagle.  [Irrepressible.]  If  our  friend,  Vandusen,  has  been 
doing  anything,  we  shall  be  glad  to  know  it.  If  the  lady- 
Fan.  [Same,  trying  to  stop  him]  I've  said  all  that. 

Geagle.  [Same]  We  want  the  truth— the  whole  truth— that 
is  to  say,  not  too  much  truth — but  just  enough. 

Tom.  The  lady  is  known  to  us  all.  I  beg  you  to  desist  from 
your  demand. 

Van.     [Firmly]     Let  her  take  off  her  mask. 

KIT  enters,  R.,  and  SILENA,  mask  in  hand,  appears,  L.,  and  listens. 

Tom.  She  shall  not  take  it  off.  This  lady  is  my  affianced 
wife. 

Silena.     [Aside]     His  affianced?     Good  heavens ! 


60  NEEDLES    AND    PINS. 

Van.  A  subterfuge  to  shield  her.  You  are  not  goiug  to 
marry  a  person  of  that  description  ? 

Geagle.     I  don't  know,  he  might. 

Tom.  Well,  then,  I  declare  solemnly  in  the  presence  of  these 
witnesses  [pointing  to  Geagle  and  Kit]  that  I  intend  to  marry 
this  lady.  And  I  ask  you  to  treat  her  with  becoming  respect. 

Geagle.     Show  us  her  face  and  we'll  show  her  respect. 

Tom.  You  shall  all  see  it.  But  I  must  beg  you  to  dispense 
with  the  presence  of  this  gentleman  [indicates  Serg.~\,  as  I  don't 
perceive  the  necessity  of  announcing  my  engagement  to  the 
police  department. 

Van.  I  am  satisfied.  [To  Serg]  You  see  I  have  gained  my 
point  without  the  need  of  troubling  you. 

Serg.     [L.]     So  much  the  better.    {Bows  to  Dosie  and  exits,  L. 

U.  E.] 

Tom.  [Leads  Dosie  to  Van.~\  Show  this  gentleman  your  face. 
[ Aside  to  her]  Fear  nothing !  [DosiE  takes  off  her  mask,  so  as 
to  show  only  Van.  her  face,  then  replaces  it.~] 

Van.  [Nearly  speechless.]  Good  gracious !  And  you  say  you 
propose  to  marry  this  lady  ? 

Tom.  I  do,  sir.  And  if  you  have  any  objections  to  make,  I 
would  remind  you — 

Van.  Not  the  slightest.  [Grasping  Tom's  hand.]  I  con 
gratulate  you.  [Shakes  hands  and  goes  up,  L.] 

Tom.  Thank  you.  [  To  Dosie.]  Now  show  the  witnesses,  my 
darling.  [DosiE,  same  business  with  Kit,  R.] 

Kit.     [ Astonished.]     What  ?  Impossible  !  [  Goes  up  to  Sil] 

Tom.     No,  sir !     Quite  possible  !  • 

Dosie.  [Same  business  with  Geagle,  L.]  Forgive  me  !  [Aside 
to  him]  I  can't  marry  you — I  love  him.  You  are  free.  [Re- 
masks] 

Geagle.  [Thunderstruck]  It  can't  be  !  [Growing  joyful,  and 
to  Tom]  You  don't  mean  it  ?  Let  me  embrace  you.  [DosiE 
half  turns  to  him]  No,  no  !  not  you.  You,  Blackstone,  you — 
my  benefactor.  [Throws  himself  on  Tom,  who  turns  and  flings 
him  against  Kit,  who  turns  and  throws  him  sitting  on  stairs,  K.] 

Tom.  I  do  not  exactly  comprehend  your  raptures,  sir.  But 
I  accept  your  felicitations.  [Takes  Dosie  by  the  hand] 

Sil.     [Approaching,  indignantly]     Accept  mine  also. 

Tom.     [Staring  at  her,  open-mouthed]     Wha — what — 

Sil.  [  Tears  yellow  roses  off  and  flings  them  at  his  feet]  Base  ! 
False !  Heartless !  I  hate — I  despise  you.  [  Crosses  to  Van.,  L.] 

Tom.  Silena !  [Turns  to  Dosie]  What  have  I  got  here? 
[DosiE  tears  off  her  mask] 

Tom.     [  With  a  cry]     Ah  ! 


NEEDLES   AND   PINS.  61 

Dosie.     Thine  forever  !     [Throws  herself  on  Tom.  He  struggles 
free,  totters,  and  falls  in  Geagle's  arms.'] 

Geagle.     [  With  a  shout  of  joy. ~]     Look  up  ! 


CURTAIN. 


ACT  IV. 

SCENE. — Same  as  first  Act.     The  morning  after  the  ball.     Music. 
MR.  VANDUSEN  discovered  walking  up  and  down. 

Vandusen.  My  wife,  who  stayed  at  home  last  night,  has  got 
a  headache  this  morning.  Her  sister,  who  went  to  the  ball,  is  as 
fresh  as  a  daisy.  That's  very  odd.  As  for  myself,  I'm  all  at  sea. 
Mr.  Thomas  Versus,  attorney-at-law,  has  played  me  false,  that's 
certain.  Dosie  was  not  the  female  I  gave  into  his  custody.  I've 
questioned  her  adroitly  and  she's  perfectly  innocent.  All  she 
thinks  about  is  that  young  scamp.  Now,  what  on  earth  possessed 
him,— with  an  aged  mother  at  home — to  steal  Geagle's  bride.  He 
must  be  mad.  There  is  one  bright  spot  in  the  whole  dark  pic 
ture,  though.  Nicholas  is  happy.  Ah !  he's  had  a  narrow 
escape.  [ Front  door  bell.'}  Callers  so  early  ? 

CAROLINE  enters,  R.  1  E.,  crosses  to  exit  c.,  sees  Van.,  stops,  and 

familiarly. 

Caroline.     Lor',  sir !     Is  that  you  ? 

Van.     [Surprised.]     Yes,  Caroline. 

Car.     Did  you  have  a  nice  time  at  the  ball,  sir  ? 

Van.     I  cannot  complain. 

Car.  I  guess  they  bothered  you  some,  them  ladies  in  masks. 
They  always  goes  for  an  old  gentleman  as  looks  as  if  he  was 
green. 

Van.     Indeed ! 

Car.     [R.]     Did  you  have  auy  mysterious  adventures? 

Van.  [Stopping  her  as  she  is  about  to  cross.]  What  do  you 
know  about  mysterious  adventures? 

Car.  [Confused,  crosses  to  L.]  Oh,  I  know  what  they  do  at 
masquerades.  [Aside.']  I  almost  let  out  on  Missus. 

Van.     Just  explain  a  little  more  definitely  what  you  mean. 


62  NEEDLES   AND    PINS. 

Car.  [  Going.]  Some  one  at  the  door,  sir.  I  must  be  going. 
[Aside,  going. ]  I'll  keep  out  of  his  way  the  rest  of  the  day. 
[Exits,  c.,  on  a  run] 

Van.  What  did  she  say  about  mysterious  adventures  ?  Can 
she  be  an  accomplice  of  the  unknown  criminal  ? 

CAROLINE  re-enters,  c.  L. 
Caroline.     Please  walk  in,  Miss. 

MARY  FORREST  enters,  c.  L. 

I'll  see  if  Mrs.  Vandusen  can  receive  you.  She's  got  a  dread 
ful  headache.  \_To  Van.~\  Young  lady  to  see  Missus.  [Rapidly, 
and  going,  R.] 

Van.     Caroline — 

Car.  [Going.'}  Yes,  sir — directly!  [J.sic?e.]  Not  if  I  knows 
it.  [Exits,  R.j 

Van.     [Taking  out  his  glasses.]     Pray,  be  seated,  madam. 

Mary.     [Sits,  L.]     Thank  you. 

Van.  [Looks  at  her.]  Why,  bless  my  heart,  Miss  Forrest ! 
[  Goes  to  her  and  insists  on  shaking  hands  with  her]  It  does  me 
good  to  see  you.  I  was  going  to  call  on  you  this  very  day.  Now, 
say  that  you  forgive  me,  that  you  forgive  my  son,  and  that  you 
are  going  to  marry  him,  like  an  angel.  [She  is  about  to  speak] 
Now  don't  say  a  word  if  it  isn't  yes.  But  of  course  it's  yes.  You 
came  to  tell  him — of  course.  That's  why  you  are  here.  Why 
didn't  I  think  of  that. 

Mary.  If  you  thought  a  little  more,  Mr.  Vandusen,  you 
might  remember  that  the  girl  has  gone  for  your  wife.  I  came  to 
see  her.  / 

Van.  She's  in  bed  with  a  headache.  Let  me  send  for  Kit ; 
he'll  do  every  bit  as  well. 

Mary.  [Rising.]  In  that  case  I  can  leave  this  letter  for  Mrs. 
Vandusen.  Will  you  be  kind  enough  to  give  it  to  her  ? 

Van.  [Takes  unsealed  letter  and  turns  it  over.]  A  letter. 
What's  it  about? 

Mary.  [Smiles]  No  doubt,  Mrs.  Vandusen  will  tell  you.  It 
refers  to  a  subject  we  discussed  when  she  called  on  me. 

Van.     Called  on  you  ? 

Mary.     A  short  time  ago. 

Van.     What  for? 

Mary.     About  Silena  Summers.     [Crosses  to  R.] 

Van.  [Slowly  dropping  in  chair  and  looking  at  her]  I  beg 
you'll  sk  down  and  discuss  it  with  me  for  a  few  moments.  I'm 
exceedingly  interested  in  the  topic. 


NEEDLES   AND   PINS.  63 

Mary.     [Smiling,  sits.']     As  much  so  as  your  wife  ? 

Van.  [Pre-occupied.]  As  much  so  as  my  wife.  There  is  a 
faint  glimmering  of  light  on  the  mystery  of  last  night.  [To  Mary.'] 
Did  she  talk  about  Silena's— 

Mary.     Silena's  mother?     Yes. 

Van.     No!     Silena's  daughter. 

Mary.     Silena  is  the  daughter. 

Van.     [Puzzled]     Then  who  is  the  mother  ? 

Mary.  Oh,  we  know  that  well  enough.  The  only  question 
was  who  was  her  father  ? 

Van.     Ah ! 

Mary.     You  see  there  were  two — 

Van.     Two  fathers. 

Mary.  No,  mothers.  Silena,  the  daughter,  and  Silena,  the 
mother.  Both  named  Summers.  That,  of  course,  was  mys 
terious. 

Van.  Of  course,  Silena's  daughter  ought  to  be  Silena  some 
thing  else. 

Mary.  This  gave  Mrs.  Vandusen  a  most  uncomfortable  idea. 
She  began  to  fancy  she  knew  the  mysterious  parent  and  that  her 
own  happiness  was  at  stake. 

Van.     [Smiles.]     It  begins  to  dawn. 

Mary.  Her  suspicions  were  so  hurtful  to  Silena  and  her 
mother — and  you — that  I  took  the  liberty  of  writing  to  my 
friend  on  the  subject. 

Van.     Very  proper. 

Mary.     There  is  her  answer. 

Van.     From  Silena  ? 

Mary.     The  daughter. 

Van.  [Rising,  reads.]  "Your  question  was  very  natural. 
My  real  name  is  Silena  Howard.  Poor  papa  was  stricken  down 
in  health  and  in  fortune  at  the  same  moment,  and  when  I  saw 
myself  forced  to  teach  in  order  to  support  us  all,  it  was  at 
mother's  suggestion  I  adopted  her  maiden  name  to  spare  papa, 
who  is  as  proud  as  he  is  helpless,  all  the  pain  we  could.  That 
is  my  little  romance." 

Mary.     You  see? 

Van.  [Folds  letter,  crosses  to  R.]  So,  Silena  married  ?  That 
spoils  my  little  romance.  I  wasn't  constant  to  her  image,  ex 
actly.  But  I — liked  to  fancy  she  was  constant  to  mine. 

Mary.     [L.]     The  selfishness  of  the  sex. 

Van.     Ah  !  we're  a  bad  lot,  Miss  Forrest— all  of  us. 

Mary.     Not  even  excepting  your  son. 

Van.     [  Warmly.]     Now  let  me  explain.     He — 

Mary.  Give  the  letter  to  your  wife  as  soon  as  possible.  I'm 
quite  sure  it  will  cure  her  headache. 


64  NEEDLES   AND   PINS. 

Van.  So  am  I.  [Mysteriously]  You  don't  know  the  ex 
tremities  to  which  her  jealousy  led  her.  It's  broad  daylight  now. 
The  mysterious  mask — the  blackmailer!  Who  would  have  be 
lieved  a  woman  of  her  years  would  have  played  such  a  prank. 
[Changes  his  tone]  Poor  thing!  how  she  must  have  suffered, 
though.  [Seizing  Mary's  hands.]  This  news  will  make  her 
happy.  [Pleading.]  Oh  !  if  you'd  only  make  Kit  happy. 

Mary.  >   [Disengaging.]     This  is  happiness  enough  for  one  day. 

Van.     I  will  call  on  you  to-morrow  with  my  wife.    We  will — 

Mary.     I  leave  the  city  to-day.     [Crosses  to  R.] 

Van.     We'll  call  this  afternoon.     Where  are  you  going  ? 

Mary.     I  have  not  settled. 

Van.  Give  me  some  message  for  Kit.  What  shall  I  say  to 
him? 

Mary.  [Moved.]  Tell  him — that  I  said — good-bye  !  [Hur 
ries  off,  c] 

Van.  Obstinate  little  thing.  The  whole  race  of  young  people 
of  to-day  are  like  little  pigs,  with  kinks  in  their  heads  as  well  as 
in  their  tails.  [Looks  at  letter  and  smiles.]  Oh,  Georgiana! 
Georgiana !  was  it  you  ?  Have  I  got  you  ?  Won't  I  be  revenged ! 
won't  I !  We  have  been  married  twenty-five  years,  and  to-day  I 
am  for  the  first  time  master  of  the  situation.  [Rubs  his  hands 
and  crosses] 

CAROLINE  looks  in,  R.,  and,  seeing  him,  darts  across  to  c.  to  go  out. 
She  carries  a  bundle. 

Van.     [  Calling  sternly]     Here,  girl ! 

Caroline.     [  Turning  at  c]     Sir ! 

Van.     Humph !     What  have  you  got  in  that  bundle  ? 

Car.  This,  sir  ?  This — this  is  the  Vienna  bread  the  baker 
has  just  left  for  breakfast. 

Van.     By  the  way— what  is  your  name  ? 

Car.  [Flippantly]     My  name  ? — my  name  is  Caroline. 

Van.  [Solemnly]  Well,  then,  Caroline,  I  want  you  to  tell 
me  the  truth — as  master  of  this  house.  Did  anything  extraor 
dinary  happen  last  night  ? 

Car.     [Comes  down]     Last  night ?     No,  sir.     Nothing  at  all. 

Van.     When  did  my  wife  go  to  bed  ? 

Car.     Eleven  o'clock,  sir. 

Van.     Was  she  sick  then  ? 

Car.     Yes,  sir.     She  had  a  headache. 

Van.     Is  that  the  truth  ? 

Car.     I  never  tells  nothing  but  the  truth. 

Van.     Humph  !     And  what  have  you  in  that  bundle? 


NEEDLES   AND   PINS.  65 

Car.  This — this,  sir — this  is  the  Vienna  bread  that  the 
baker — 

Van.     Humph !     Yes.     That  will  do. 

Car.     [Flippantly, .]     Can  I  go  ?     [  Crosses  to  c.] 

Van.     Yes !  when  your  month  is  up. 

Car.     What  do  you  mean,  sir  ? 

Van.  That  you  leave  in  a  month.  I  don't  tolerate  untruthful 
persons  in  my  family. 

Car.'  [Excited,  in  loud  tone.]  Sir!  [Drops  bundle,  domino 
rolls  out.~\  Oh,  sir!  Please,  sir! 

Van.     Behave  yourself!     I  have  finished.     In  a  month  you 

go- 
Car.     I'll  tell  Mrs.  Vandusen  this  very  minute.    [  Crosses  to  R.] 
Van.     You  may  if  you  wish. 

Car.     This  minute.     I'll  tell  her  everything.     [Going  R.] 
Van.     Hurry  up,  then !     Hurry !     Here !  you'd  better  pick 
up  your  Vienna  bread.     [She  picks  up  domino,  and  exits  R.  door.~\ 
My  wife  will  be  astonished!     Well,  it  will  do  her  good. 

GEAGLE  enters,  exceedingly  gay  in  dress  and  manner— bowteromly 
rushing  to  Van.  and  grasping  his  hand. 

Geagle.     Ah !  old  boy,  how  are  you  ?     [R.] 

Van.     [Surprised.]     Geagle,  is  that  you  ? 

Geagle.  No !  It's  not  I.  It's  somebody  else.  It's  a  trans 
mogrification.  Slept  last  night  for  the  first  time  in  twelve 
months.  Woke  up  this  morning  twenty  years  younger.  Look 
at  me. 

Van.     New  clothes? 

Geagle.  My  wedding  suit.  Wear  'em  to-day  because-  it's  the 
happiest  day  of  my  life. 

Van.  My  dear  fellow,  you  ought  to  wear  weeds.  A  jilted 
bridegroom — 

Geagle.  I  find  it  my  natural  element.  Life  has  been  a  mys 
tery  to  me  for  years.  My  eyes  are  opened.  Nature  smiles. 
Why  ?  I  have  passed  through  great  grief  to  great  joy.  I  shall 
never  be  able  to  repay  that  young  man !  Never !  [  Crosses  to  L.] 

Van.     The  lawyer  ? 

Geagle.  He  has  saved  me.  He  is  an  exceedingly  promising 
young  fellow,  isn't  he  ? 

Van.     I'm  afraid  he  has  promised  too  much,  this  time. 

Geagle.     He  got  me  out  of  my  promise. 

Van.     You  had  better  go  and  thank  him. 

Geagle.  Oh!  I  shall,  warmly !  I  want  as  a  particular  favor 
to  stand  up  with  him,  only  I'm  afraid  when  I  hear  her  .give  her- 
5 


66  NEEDLES    AND   PINS. 

self  to  somebody  else  for  good,  I'll  swoon  with  joy.  But  I've 
sent  him  a  token  of  my  regard  already. 

Van.     Indeed ! 

Geagle.  A  cartload  of  tokens,  in  fact.  He !  He !  He !  All 
the  things  I  bought  for  her.  I  don't  want  'em.  He  may  have 
'ern.  Good  idea,  eh  ? 

Van.  Excellent !  I  say,  Nicholas.  [  Takes  his  arm.~\  What 
do  you  think  will  be  the  upshot  of  it  all  ? 

Geagle.     Oh!     He'll  go  on. 

Van.     No,  no !     He'll  back  out,  somehow. 

Geagle.  I  don't  think  so.  They  say  he's  wild  with  delight. 
Runs  about  singing  and  dancing.  House  upset — things  upset. 
Says  he  wants  to  get  married  as  soon  as  possible.  [  Crosses  to  R.] 

Van.     It's  incredible ! 

Geagle.  It  is !  But  it's  providential — for  me.  I've  had  my 
lesson.  I'm  done.  I  intend  to  find  a  nice  young  couple  with  a 
family,  and  adopt  them. 

Van.  That's  an  idea.  Sensible  and  generous.  Have  you  got 
a  family  in  view? 

Geagle.  Well,  I've  got  the  pieces — they're  like  a  Chinese 
puzzle.  I  must  get  them  together,  and  then  I'll  be  all  right. 
I'm  after  one  of  the  pieces,  now. 

Van.     Which  one? 

Geagle.     The  young  man.     Where's  Kit  ? 

Van.     What  do  you  want  with  Kit  ? 

Geagle.  To  adopt  him.  I  intend  to  make  him  a  proposition : 
Business  is  business.  I've  got  sixty  thousand  dollars.  They 
shall  be  yours.  You  are  to  marry  somebody  you  love,  and  let 
me  bring  up  the  children. 

Van.     Wonderful ! 

Geagle.     [R.]     Feasible,  eh  ? 

Van.  Feasible  and  plausible.  I've  got  the  other  piece  of  the 
puzzle. 

Geagle.     The  girl? 

Van.  If  you  can  put  them  together,  you  are  the  benefactor  ol 
two  young  hearts. 

Geagle.  I'll  do  it.  When  a  man  starts  out  to  benefact  his 
fellow-creatures,  he  frequently  fails  in  the  attempt,  but  when  he 
starts  put  to  benefit  himself,  it's  wonderful  how  he  succeeds. 
This  is  my  happiness  at  stake.  [Buttons  up  his  coat.]  I  am 
going  to  do  good  to  Geagle — and  I  guess  I'll  do  it.  [Exits,  c.] 

Van.  He  may  manage.  He's  so  happy,  he'll  infect  every  one. 
Nobody  can  stand  such  determined  efforts  to  make  them  do  what 
they  want  to.  [Strikes  his  forehead.]  But  he  don't  know  who 
she  is,  and  I  forgot  to  tell  him.  Of  course  he'll  be  back  as  soon 
as  he  remembers  that  he  don't  know. 


NEEDLES   AND   PINS.  67 

CAROLINE  enters,  R.,  impudently. 

Caroline.  Missus  was  very  much  surprised  when  I  told  her  what 
you  said.  She's  getting  up  now.  And  she'll  be  right  down  to 
interview  you. 

Van.     Don't  forget — when  your  month  is  up. 

Car.  I  don't  care  for  what  you  say.  [Crosses  to  L.I  I'll  go, 
if  Mrs.  Vandusen  says  so,  and  she  says  I'm  to  stay.  [Exits,  c.] 

Van.  That's  the  extent  of  authority  I've  exercised  for  twenty- 
five  years.  The  country  demands  a  change. 

SILENA  enters,  L.  door,  her  forehead  tied  up  with  handkerchief, 
groaning  and  leaning  agaimt  wall. 

Van.     [Bringing  her  downJ]     Why,  my  darling ! 

Silena.     [Piteous  tone.]     Good  morning,  pa. 

Van.     Are  you  ill  ? 

Sil.  I  feel  miserable.  I  didn't  sleep  all  night,  and  my  head 
is  so  dizzy,  and  my  heart  so  heavy.  [She  speaks  very  feebly, 
her  hand  often  wandering  to  her  head!] 

Van.     You've  got  the  blues ! 

Sil.     Perhaps.     But  that  isn't  what  I  came  for. 

Van.     What  do  you  want,  my  love  ? 

Sil.     You  must  go  to  Mr.  Versus,  right  away. 

Van.     To  Mr.  Versus? 

SU.  [Nestling  to  him.']  Certainly— I'd  go  if  I  could,  but 
I'm  not  able.  The  poor  fellow  is  in  a  fearful  state  of  embarrass 
ment,  on  account  of  getting  hold  of  the  wrong  one,  last  night. 
[Hand  to  head.] 

Van.     What  wrong  one  ? 

Sil.  He  knew  I  was  wearing  a  white  rose  in  my  black 
domino.  So,  to  fool  him,  I  changed  flowers  with  Aunt,  and  that's 
the  way  he  came  to  get  hold  of  her. 

Van.     So  he  intended  to  get  hold  of  you  ? 

SU.     Certainly— he's  in  love  with  me. 

Van.  Very  good,  upon  my  word — a  nice  piece  of  news!  Sup 
pose  your  aunt  won't  let  him  off? 

Sil.     Oh,  she  must!     [Crosses  to  R.] 

Van.     Yes,  yes !     But  suppose  he's  in  love  with  her. 

SU.     Don't  talk  nonsense,  papa. 

Van.     But  I  hear  he's  making  preparatious  for  his  wedding. 

SU.     [Insisting.]     With  me ! 

Van.     [Positively.]     No !  with  her. 

SU.  You  don't  know  anything,  papa.  Oh,  how  my  head 
aches !  [  Throws  herself  on  sofa,  L.J 


68  NEEDLES    AND   PINS. 

Van.  I  know  that  you  played  him  a  very  bad  trick — made 
him  look  very  foolish,  besides  leading  him  into  what  may  prove 
a  trap ;  and  if  he  don't  get  even,  somehow,  he's  not — 

CAROLINE  at  c. 

Caroline.     Mr.  Versus  wants  to  see  you,  sir.     [Exits,  c.] 
Van.     [To  Sil.]     I'll   have  him   up   now.     Be   reserved   in 

your  manner  until  we  ascertain  whether  he  wants  you  or  your 

aunt.     [She  sits  down,  L.] 
Sil.     Oh!  dear! 

TOM  VERSUS  enters,  c.  L.,  and  down  R. 

Tom.  Ah!  Good  morning,  brother-in-law.  How  do  you  do 
this  morning?  [VAN.,  speechless,  turns  a  glance  of  commiseration 
on  Sil.~\ 

Tom.  [  Crosses  to  c.,  looks  at  Sil.  and  approaches  her.~]  Ah ! 
Did  our  little  niece  sleep  well  after  the  ball  ? 

Sil.     [Bursts  into  tears  and  turns  her  back  to  him] 

Tom.  [After  looking  at  her  turns  to  Van.  and  in  declamatory 
tone]  And  she — the  goddess  of  my  dreams — has  she  risen  from 
her  slumbers? 

Van.  [Looks  at  him  open-mouthed,  aside.]  He's  a  fool.  [Aloud 
to  Tom.~\  If  you  mean  my  sister-in-law — she's  been  up  this  two 
hours. 

Tom.     Oh,  lead  me  to  her. 

Van.     You  want  to  see  her  ? 

Tom.  I  grudge  every  second  that  separates  me  ,from  my  love. 
[SiL.  cries  loudly. ~] 

Van.  [Pats  him  on  shoulder.']  Don't  you  cry,  sonny.  I'll 
have  her  here  right  away  for  you.  [Goes  L.  and  aside.'}  He's 
having  his  revenge.  [Exits,  L.  D.  SIL.  looks  after  her  father,  then 
goes  to  c.  seat  and  sits,  back  to  Tom.] 

Tom.  [Leaning  against  mantel,  looks  at  her  a  moment.']  Well, 
Cupid ! 

Sil.     Whom  do  you  call  Cupid,  sir  ? 

Tom.     What  are  you  doing  with  that  band  over  your  eyes  ? 

Sil.     [  Tearing  it  off.]     I've  got  a  headache. 

Tom.     [To  himself  aloud.]     Oh,  that  she  were  here! 

Sil.  [  Goes  to  him.~]  You  must  not  quite  take  me  for  a  fool, 
Mr.  Versus. 

Tom.     [Astonished. ~\     What  do  you  mean  ? 

Sil.     A  person  can  be  in  love  and  not  act  as  silly  as  you  do. 

Tom.    As  I  do  ? 


NEEDLES   AND    PINS.  69 

Sil.     Yes — and  I  tell  you — you  don't  love  Aunt  Dosie  one  bit. 

Tom.     Not  love  my  bride  ? 

Sil.  Ugh!  She's  your  bride  because  you  thought  she  was 
somebody  else. 

Tom.     You  astonish  me. 

Sil.  [L.]  I  know  everything.  I'm  sure  I  ought  to  if  any 
body  does,  for  I  got  up  the  foolish  trick  to  change  the  roses. 
[Beginning  to  cry.]  And  I  never  would  in  this  world  if  I'd 
known  what  would  happen.  Oh !  Mr.  Versus !  Oh !  Tom ! 
What  are  we  going  to  do  about  it  ? 

Tom.  So  you  arranged  the  plan  by  which  I  gained  Miss 
Dosie.  Accept  my  warmest  thanks.  [Crosses  to  R.] 

Sil.  [In  a  rage]  You  are  a  detestable  man — but  one  thing 
I  vow:  no  matter  who  asks  me,  never !  never !  to  go  to  a  masked 
ball  again.  [  Goes  up  L.,  crying.] 

MR.  VANDUSEN  enters,  R.,  leading  DOSIE  by  the  hand. 

Tom.  [Opens  his  arms  a  la  Claude  Melnotte]  My  love!  my 
sun !  my  star !  my  Dosie.  [DosiE  with  a  shriek  rushes  to  his  em 
brace,  and  is  folded  in  his  arms.  Tableau] 

Tom.     My  own ! 

Van.  [Stepping  up  and  tapping  Tom  on  shoulder]  I  guess 
I'd  better  go,  as  I'm  only  in  the  way.  If  you  want  me  I'll  be  in 
there.  [Points  to  R.  and  exits,  c.  door] 

Sil.  [Comes  in  front  of  them  and  savagely]  And  I  guess  I'd 
better  go,  since  Aunt  Dosie  doesn't  know  any  better  than  to  go 
on  with  such  actions  before  a  child.  If  anybody  wants  me,  I'm 
in  here.  [Exits,  R.  D.] 

Dosie.  How  they  envy  me.  [About  to  throw  her  arms  around 
his  neck,  he  catches  both] 

Tom.     Now  let's  sit  down  and  talk  sensibly. 

Dosie.  [A  little  taken  aback]  Yes !  [Ton  pushes  sofa  for 
ward;  they  sit.] 

Tom.     [R]     Now  listen  to  me. 

Dosie.  Speak !  Do  with  me  as  you  please.  Mould  me  to 
your  will. 

Tom.     First  we'll  get  married.     , 

Dosie.     Yes ! 

Tom.     Then  we  leave  the  city. 

Dosie.     For  a  wedding  tour  ? 

Tom.  No,  for  good,  I've  disposed  of  everything  belonging 
to  me. 

Dosie.     What  for  ? 

Tom.     Above  all,  because  the  world  will  talk.     This  is   no 


70  NEEDLES   AND    PINS. 

place  for  us.  You  were  the  betrothed  of  Geagle.  Now  you  are 
mine. 

Dosie.     I  don't  care  what  people  say.     [Rises.] 

Tom.  I  will  defend  you  with  my  life,  for  I  love  you.  [She  is 
about  to  embrace  him,  he  catches  her  hands  and  prevents  her.]  I 
am  jealous  of  that  love.  My  angel,  let  them  utter  one  breath  of 
slander  and  they  die.  [Crosses  to  L.]  Do  you  want  me  to  fill 
the  city  with  tombstones? 

Dosie.  [Crosses  to  R.,  aside.]  How  he  loves  me.  [Aloud.'] 
Be  it  as  you  will,  we  will  go  hand  in  hand. 

Tom.  [L.]  To  the  end  of  the  world — literally — for  I  have 
chosen  my  destination.  We  sail  Saturday.  I  write  for  passports 
to-day.  Give  me  your  figures. 

Dosie.     [R.]     My  figures? 

Tom.     Your  dates — born  so  and  so — 

Dosie.     [Rising.]     Nonsense ! 

Tom,     [Rising.]     Nonsense  ? 

Dosie.  I'll  look  in  the  book — it's  down,  of  course.  I  don't 
know  who  put  it,  and  I  doubt  if  they  knew. 

Tom.     [  With  ardor.]     Send  it  to  me — and  I'll  send  thee — 

Dosie.     [Same.]     What,  darling? 

Tom.  [Changing  tone.]  A  few  necessary  articles  for  our 
journey.  [Changing  back?]  You'll  not  refuse  them? 

Dosie.     I  cannot! 

Tom.  [Changing.]  With  full  instructions.  [Changing.] 
For  we  must  wander  far,  my  love.  [Changing.]  And  you 
must  know  what's  before  you.  [Changing]  And  now  farewell, 
my  sweet.  [Draws  her  to  him.]  One  kiss  —  [Pushes  her  slowly 
back.]  No — no — it  is  too  much.  I  must  not  take  advantage  of 
your  youth  and  weakness.  [Sighs' and  rushes  off,  c.  R.  Meets 
VAN.  at  door,  takes  his  arm  and  hurries  him  off,  c.  R.] 

Dosie.  How  he  controls  himself.  What  character,  what 
firmness — and  he  loves  me  to  delirium.  [Sinks  in  chair.]  What 
could  have  possessed  him  to  go  where  we  have  to  get  passports  ? 
It's  ridiculous  to  ask  it  [Rising],  and  I  promised  him  to  send 
the  book.  [Goes  to  desk,  unlocks  it  and  takes  out  small  12mo 
volume,  thick,  and  in  old  binding,  opens  it  carefully.]  There  it  is. 
I  never  saw  such  ink  for  getting  blacker  and  blacker  every  year. 
[Looks  around,  whispers]  There's  a  fatality  about  it.  First  of 
June,  eighteen  hundred  and  thirty —  [Shuts  book  suddenly  and 
gasps,  looks  around,  reopens  it  and  looks  again.]  1830.  I  could 
make  that  three  a  five,  but  the  whole  date  is  written  out  in  letters 
too.  [Angrily.]  But  I  won't  have  such  a  thing  in  existence. 
I  won't.  [Sees  inkstand  in  desk,  suddenly  seizes  it  and  pours  it  on 
page.]  Now  it's  all  gone — accidentally,  of  course.  [Calling.] 


NEEDLES   AND   PINS.  71 

Caroline !  Caroline !    come  here,  I've   spilled   the  ink !     Bring 
something  to  wipe  it  up  !     Caroline !    Quick. 

CAROLINE  enters,  c.,  MR.  VANDUSEN  R.,  SILENA  L. 

Caroline.     What  is  it,  ma'am  ? 

Vandusen.     Who  cried  out  ? 

Silena.     [Looks  over  her  shoulder.]  Oh,  Aunt !  what  is  it  ? 

Dosie.  Look  what  I've  done.  Spilled  the  ink  bottle  all  over 
the  book. 

Car.  [On  her  L.]  Is  it  fresh  ?  Oh,  we'll  soon  have  that  all 
right !  {Seizes  the  book  and  darts  out,  c.,  holding  it  at  arm's  length] 

Sil.  How  came  you  to  have  it  open  at  the  family  register, 
aunty  ? 

Dosie.     I  had  just  opened  the  book. 

Sil.  [Mischievously]  And  the  ink  '  bottle  flew  over  and 
blotted  out  all  the  dates,  your  birth  among  the  rest. 

Van.     Very  curious  coincidence. 

Dosie.     What  do  you  wish  to  insinuate,  brother-in-law  ? 

Van.     That  you  were  the  accomplice  of  the  ink  bottle. 

Dosie.  [Crosses  to  L.]  Wait  until  I  have  a  strong  arm  to 
defend  me. 

Car.  [Brings  back  page  clean.]  Here  you  are,  Miss,  clean  as 
a  whistle.  The  bleaching  powder  does  it  while  the  ink's  fresh. 
You  can  read  it  like  print  now.  Born  the  first  of  June,  eighteen 
hundred  and  thirty — 

Dosie.  [Tearing  book  from  her.]  Girl!  go  about  your  busi 
ness.  [Exits,  R.  door,  CAR.  gets  L.  corner,  pretending  to  try. 
VAN.  laughs.] 

Sil.  [Wringing  her  hands]  Eighteen  hundred  and  thirty — 
that's  old  enough  to  be  his  mother.  [Exits,  R.] 

Car.     [Weeping]     I  did  all  for  the  best. 

Van.  [Kindly]  You  did  very  well  — I  am  very  pleased. 
You  can  remain  when  your  month  is  up. 

Car.  [Softened  and* low,  after  looking  at  him]  Thank  you, 
sir.  [Exits  c.,  with  her  apron  to  her  eyes] 

Van.  [Goes  to  table]  A  great  waste  of  ink,  but  enough  left 
to  write  a  note  to  Kit's  sweetheart.  That  idiot,  Geagle,  won't 
find  her.  [Writes.]  "  My  Dear  Miss  Forrest.  I  am  sorry  to 
say  that  I  cannot  deliver  your  farewell  message  to  my  son  for  tin- 
reason  that—  [Continues  to  write  a  line  more  and  addrew  tin- 
envelope,  after  he  is  interrupted  by 


72  NEEDLES    AND   PINS. 

GEAGLE,  outside,  shouting,  c.  L. 

Geigle.  In  yet — I'll  find  him.  \_He  bounces  in — in  a  great 
heat,  looks  around — sees  Van,  rushes  to  him — drags  him  out  of  his 
chair,  and  stands  on  tip-toe  to  whisper  in  his  ear.~\ 

Van.  [Having  heard  him."]  My  very  thought.  Look  here. 
[Hands  letter.  GEAGLE  opens  it,  reads,  cries  aloud  for  joy ] 

Geagle.     What !     Glorious ! 

Van.     It'll  do. 

Geagle.  I'll  bring  her — whoop  !  [Seizes  Van.  and  both  waltz 
around  to  a  lively  air  which  they  shout] 

MRS.  VANDUSEN  appears,  K.  1  E.,  and  stops  astonished.  GEAGLE 
releases  Van.,  seizes  his  hat  and  rushes  out<,  c.  L.,  with  letter. 
VAN.  leans  against  sofa,  laughing  quietly. 

Mrs.  Vandusen.  [A  little  faltering,  but  trying  to  assume  her 
former  command.]  You  are  exceedingly  gay,  Mr.  Vandusen ! 

Van.  [  Quite  self-possessed.  Fanning  himself]  Oh,  no — glad 
to  see  you  up,  my  dear. 

Mrs.  V.     Caroline  has  a  very  curious  story  to  tell  me. 

Van.  It's  nothing  to  the  story  she  told  me.  I  discharged  her 
for  it  on  the  spot.  I  cannot  tolerate  lying. 

Mrs.  V.     [Amazed]     Mr.  Vandusen ! 

Van.  Lying,  my  dear.  She  tried  to  deceive  me  about  your 
absence  last  evening.  She  said  you  had  not  been  out  of  the 
house. 

Mrs.  V.  [Frightened  and  half  inarticulate. ]  I  was — I  w — 
was — 

Van.  Of  course  you  were  out,  and  the  unprincipled  creature 
thought  I  knew  nothing  about  it.  Had  the  audacity,  in  fact,  to 
suppose  that  you  kept  any  secrets  from  me.  It  was  an  insult  to 
me  and  a  worse  one  to  you.  I  acted  on  the  impulse  I  felt  as 
vour  husband  and  the  father  of  your  children,  and  I  dismissed 
her. 

Mrs.  V.     [Stammering.'}     Perhaps  she  thought — 

Van.-  [Interrupting.]  She  thought  you  went  to  the  masquer 
ade  to  watch  me — to  play  a  part  and  to  surprise  the  unworthy 
secret  /  was  supposed  to  cherish. 

Mrts.  V.     [  Going  to  him  with  clasped  hands]     Christopher ! 

Van.  [Still  going  on]  She  didn't  know  that  I  would  have 
been  the  first  to  reveal  everything  to  my  wife,  as  well  as  the  last 
to  deceive  her.  She  did  not  know  that  I  carried  [Taking  Marys 
letter  out]  a  proof  that  I  longed  for  an  opportunity  to  show  you. 
[  Gives  her  the  letter,  which  she  opens  and  reads,  crosses  to  E.] 


NEEDLES    AND   PINS.  73 

Mrs.  V.     [Having  read.]     What  must  you  think  of  me  ? 

Van  So,  of  course,  I  had  to  punish  her  promptly  and  severely. 
But  she  has  since  given  unmistakable  proof  that  she  is  sorry  for 
her  fault,  and  if  you  ask  me  to  forgive  her,  I  shall  do  it  gladly. 
For  we  will  have  but  one  thought  and  one  will. 

Mrs.  V.  [Overpowered.]  I  have  done  wrong,  and  you  are 
heaping  coals  of  fire  on  my  head.  Pardon  me,  my  dear  hus 
band  !  [Puts  her  arms  round  his  neck.] 

Van.     Do  you  forgive  her,  too  ? 

CAROLINE  enters,  c. 

Caroline.  If  you  please —  [Stops.  MRS.  V.  about  to  withdraw 
from  Van.'s  arms,  he  detains  her.] 

Van.  [  To  Mrs.  V.]  Stay  a  moment,  I  want  her  to  see  there 
is  no  quarrel — no  scandal — in  this  house.  [Releases  her.~\  There, 
she  has  seen  enough.  [To  Car]  What  is  it? 

Car.  If  you  please,  sir,  here's  a  big  box  come  for  Miss  Dosie 
from  Mr.  Versus. 

Van.     Bring  it  in,  and  then  go  and  tell  the  lady. 

Car.     This  way  !     My  sakes,  it's  a  whopper ! 

Two  PORTERS  enter  with  big  chest. 

Porter.  See  here,  how  much  further  have  we  got  to  take 
this  ? 

Car.     Put  it 'right  down  there. 

Porter.     This  is  extry.     Ain't  included  in  the  express  charges. 

Car.  Oh,  ain't  it?  Well,  you'd  better  go  and  get  yer  extry 
outer  them  as  sent  yer.  [Shows  Porters  off,  c.,  and  exits,  R.  1  E.] 

Mrs.  V.  A  box  from  Mr.  Versus— for  Dosie.  Why,  I  thought 
that  he  and  Silena — 

Van.  Never  mind ;  let  him  do  as  he  likes— he  knows  what 
he's  about. 

DOSIE  enters,  R. 

Dosie.  Where  is  it?  [Sees  Mrs.  V.—runs  and  kisses  her.] 
Oh,  sister,  you  don't  know  how  happy  I  am  ! 

Mrs.  V.     [Coldly.]     I  don't  know  anything  at  all,  il 
What  has  become  of  Mr.  Geagle? 

Dosie.  [  Unfastening  chest]  Mr.  Geagle  is  too  sensible,  at  his 
time  of  life,  to  take  a  young  wife. 

Mrs.  V.     I  should  have  thought  you  were  too  sensible,  at  yoi 
time  of  life,  to  let  a  young  man  make  a  fool  of  you. 


74  NEEDLES   AND    PINS. 

Dosie.  We'll  see  who's  made  a  fool  of.  [  Opens  chest.]  Why 
it's  full  of  all  sorts  of  things.  [  Takes  out  a  box]  What  this  — 
a  revolver  ?  [  Takes  it  out.] 

Van.     A  very  sensible  present. 

Dosie.     For  a  bride  ? 

Van.     For  a  bride  who  has  to  shoot  tigers  in  self-defence. 

Dosie.     Shoot  tigers — where? 

Van.     Where  you  are  going. 

Dosie.     [  Takes  a  bottle  and  reads  label.]     Poison  ! 

Van.  Poison.  To  take  in  order  to  escape  a  more  painful 
death. 

Dosie.  I  wish  you  would  explain  and  not  joke.  Do  you  know 
anything  about  all  this? 

Van.     I  know  everything  about  it. 

Dosie.  [Draws  out  hammock]  A  hammock !  [Spreads  it 
out.] 

Van.     Your  bed. 

Dosie.     And  this  ? 

Van.  Your  blanket.  You  won't  need  any  warmer  bedclothes. 
[DosiE  draws  out  a  pair  of  Turkish  trowsers,  holds  them  up  and 
shrieks.] 

Van.  Your  traveling  suit.  You  are  especially  desired  to 
begin  wearing  them  immediately  to  get  used  to  the  sensation. 

Dosie.     What  is  the  meaning  of  all  this  nonsense  ? 

Van.  My  dear  sister-in-law,  you  are  going  to  Africa  on  an 
exploring  expedition  to  extend  the  discoveries  of  Stanley.  Mr. 
Versus  not  only  intends  to  explore  the  vicinity  of  Ubjibbeloola, 
but  to  settle  among  the  natives  and  convert  them.  He  will 
probably  be  made  king.  You,  of  course,  will  be  queen. 

Dosie.     \_Irritated]     It's  a  very  poor  joke.     ' 

Van.  It  would  be  if  it  were  a  joke.  But  his  plans,  although 
spiced  with  the  adventurous,  are  exceedingly  practical.  You 
will  conform  to  the  customs  of  the  country.  As  queen,  you  will 
be  at  the  head  of  an  extensive  harem,  or  seraglio.  You  will  find 
thirty-five  female  dresses  of  all  sizes  in  the  bottom  of  the  chest. 

Dosie.  [Slapping  the  things  back  into  the  trunk]  I  begin  to 
think  you  have  taken  leave  of  your  senses. 

Van.  [Sighs]  Poor  Versus  has  taken  leave  of  his — his  love 
has  turned  his  brain. 

Dosie.     [Decisively]     Where  is  he  ? 

Van.     In  my  room  writing  farewell  letters  to  a  few  friends. 

Dosie.  [Goes  to  door,  L.,  and  pushes  it  open,  calls]  Mr. 
Versus,  will  you  step  here  a  moment. 


NEEDLES    AND    PINS.  75 

TOM  enters,  L.,  an  Indian  crown  of  feathers  on  his  head  and  a  few 
in  his  hand. 

Tom.     My  goddess  calls  me. 

Dosie.  Just  drop  all  those  fancy  names,  and  tell  me  plainly 
what  all  this  means.  [Points  to  chest .] 

Tom.  Only  a  few  necessary  articles  to  begin  with.  By  Jove ! 
I  forgot,  we  shall  require  some  canned  tomatoes  and  some  pre 
served  peaches,  and  we  want  a  bow  string  and  a  sack.  [Hurries 
to  L.]  I  must  order  them  at  once. 

Dosie.  Stop.  [He  turns.~]  You  need  not  have  taken  these 
absurd  means  of  letting  me  know  that  our  union  is  distasteful. 

Tom.     My  angel — 

Dosie.  Do  you  expect  me  to  believe  all  this  stuif  about 
Ubjibbeloola,  or  whatever  it  is. 

Tom.  You  said  you'd  follow  me  to  the  end  of  the  earth,  and 
I'm  only  going  to  the  middle  of  it. 

Dosie.  I  said  as  many  foolish  things  as  you  did.  I  ought  to 
have  known  that  your  making  love  to  me  was  meant  for  some  one 
else.  I  know  it  now.  But  you  need  not  have  resorted  to  such 
very  strong  measures  to  undeceive  me.  If  you  had  said  it  was 
a  mistake,  I'd  have  said  well  and  good,  we'll  say  no  more  about 
it.  But  you  acted  like — well,  no  matter.  You  are  free.  You 
are  free.  [Bursts  into  tears  and  exits,  R.] 

Van.     I  knew  she  had  sense,  and  it's  coming  out  at  last. 

Tom.  [Takes  off  his  croivn,  looks  at  it,  and  pitches  it  away.] 
She  ought  to  have  boxed  my  ears. 

Geagle.     [Outside.]     Run,  I  hear  him.     This  way. 

MARY  FORREST  enters,  followed  by  GEAGLE,  who  winks  at  every 
body  in  delight. 

Geagle.     [Points  to  Van.]     There  he  is  ! 

Mary.  [In  great  agitation.]  For  Heaven's  sake,  tell  me 
what  has  happened  ? 

Mrs.  V.     Happened,  child?    Happened  to  whom? 

Mary.     To  your  son.     Where  is  he? 

Mrs.  V.     My  son  ? 

Mary.     Don't  you  know.    Hasn't  Mr.  Vandusen  told  you  yet. 

Mrs.  V.  [Frightened,  crosses  to  Van]  What  has  become  of 
Kit  ?  I  have  not  seen  him  to-day. 

Mary.  [Gives  her  letter]  Look!  Your  husband's  message 
to  me. 


76  NEEDLES    AND    PINS. 

GEAGLE  enters  at  c.  with  KIT,  restraining  him. 

Mrs.  V.  \_Reads.~]  "My  Dear ' Miss  Forrest :  I  am  sorry  to 
say  that  I  cannot  deliver  your  farewell  message  to  my  son,  for 
the  reason  that  I  have  a  son  no  longer.  Yours,  C.  Vandusen." 
[To  Fan.]  What  does  it  mean  ?  You  have  a  son  no  longer. 

Van.  No,  because  ,  Geagle  has  adopted  him.  [GEAGLE  re 
leases  Kit,  rushes  down  and  dances  a  jig  on  box]  Hurrah  ! 

Kit.  [Rushes  to  Mary.  She  is  so  overcome  that  her  head  sinks 
on  his  shoulder,  and  he  has  to  put  his  arm  around  her  waist.~\ 
You  cannot  deny  it.  You  do  love  me.  I  may  speak  now. 
[Draws  her  to  L.] 

Mary.     I'm  so  glad  you  are  not  dead.     [They  go  up.~] 

Tom.     I  suppose  I'd  better  go. 

Geagle.  No,  you  don't.  [Runs  to  R.,  and  calls]  Silena. 
[Comes  down.]  She  made  a  match  for  me  on  this  very  spot,  and 
I  mean  to  give  her  tit  for  tat.  [  Crosses  to  R.] 

Silena.     [  Outside,  R.  1  E.]     Papa  ! 

Geagle.     [  Goes  to  R.]     There  she  is. 

SILENA  appears,  led  by  DOSIE,  who  is  radiant.     GEAGLE  retreats 
in  alarm  to  L.  corner.     SILENA  goes  over  to  Tom. 

Dosie.  Let  me  present  Mr.  Versus  with  the  bride  he  really 
wanted. 

Tom.     [c.]     Is  it  possible  ?     [  Takes  Silena  in  his  arms] 

Silena.     You  won't  go  to  Africa  now. 

Tom.     [Holding  her.~]     No.     It's  quite  warm  enough  here. 

Dosie.  [R.  1  E.,  peeps  across  roguishly  to  Geagle.  He  glances 
timidly.  She  smiles.  He  is  alarmed.]  Ahem ! 

Geagle.  [Aside]  I  don't  like  that.  She  can't  mean  to  go 
for  me  again. 

Dosie.     Are  you  very  much  blighted,  Mr.  Geagle  ? 

Geagle.     Frost-bitten  to  the  core. 

Dosie.  [Beckons  to  him]  He !  he  !  [GEAGLE  shakes  his  head. 
She  whispers]  I  want  to  speak  to  you. 

Geagle.     Say  it  right  out. 

Dosie.  [Advancing  a  few  steps]  Come  over.  [He  advances 
a  step,  then  stops]  I  won't  hurt  you.' 

Geagle.    Honor  bright? 

Dosie.  [Coming  to  c.,  GEAGLE  also.  Confidentially]  We've 
been  a  couple  of  geese. 

Geagle.     Yes ! 

Dosie.     But  we've  come  to  our  senses  at  last. 

Geagle.     [Doubtfully]     You  are  sure  about  yourself? 


NEEDLES   AND    PINS.  77 

Dosie.  For  a  time  I  felt  as  if  I  were  a  girl  again.  Heigho ! 
It  had  all  the  freshness  of  May  and  the  -balminess  of  June. 

Geagle.  I  know.  It  was  our  Indian  summer — a  sort  of  warm 
spell  late  in  the  fall. 

Dosie.  Poetic  thought !  Ah  !  {Sighs  and  casts  loving  eyes  at 
him.] 

Geagle.     Ah ! 

Sil.  [Mischievously  interrupting.]  Needles  and  pins  !  [DosiE 
and  GEAGLE  retreat  to  their  respective  corners.  SIL.  laughs. 
All  laugh!]  I  didn't  mean  to  frighten — only  to  warn  you. 

Tom.  Oh  !  hang  it,  darling.  Remember,  I'm  just  about  to 
get  married.  Don't  sing  that  old  song. 

Van.     No.     Give  us  something  a  little  more  cheerful. 

Mrs.  V.     Let  Mr.  Geagle  express  his  feelings. 

Mary.     And  Miss  Dosie. 

Dosie.     Not  before  everybody. 

Geagle.     Oh,  yes  !     I  don't  mind.     [Steps  forward.'] 

Sil.     Something  poetical ! 

Mrs.  V.     Practical ! 

Van.     Historical ! 

Mary.     vEsthetical ! 

Kit.     Musical ! 

Tom.     Autobiographical ! 

Geagle. — 

Hey  diddle,  diddle,  the  cat  and  the  fiddle — 
We  wanted  a  late  honeymoon ! 
But  the  merry  dogs  laughed  to  see  such  sport, 
And  the  Miss  ran  away  with  the  Spoon  I 

[Indicates  Silena  and  Tom.] 


CURTAIN. 


UC  SOUTHERN  REGIONAL  LIBRARY  FACILITY 


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